You Just Can’t Plan Everything!


Some people are called Type A kinds of people for a reason; they know how to plan! Every minute detail comes under their microscopic scrutiny. They don’t like to be surprised; it actually makes them feel better to be able to plan for something and see it come to pass. Tayo was one of such people. When they describe someone as detailed, look no further than Tayo.

She was the type who planned her own wedding, down to the smallest detail. From the cake to the centrepieces of the fifty tables at her wedding, she and the planner had to come to an agreement about colours and arrangement, everything in fact.  

The matter of the food was on the table for one whole month, before she and the caterer finally agreed. The thing about Tayo was that she was a perfectionist. She wanted the best of everything she could get, and would not settle for less, but she wouldn’t litter her path to perfection with broken hearts either. She was a caring person, thus, in as much as she argued and bargained with her vendors, she also cared about them personally, not as just vendors she would use for one day and be done with, but as individuals whom she wanted to drive to give more of themselves.

Deciding on the date of her wedding was another matter altogether. Even before her beau had proposed to her, Tayo had a set of dates in mind, all between May and June.  So, she told her parents about the date, reminded them before her husband’s family came for introduction. Of course, her husband was in the know about these dates and they had settled on one, based on her readings about what the day holds.

And the wedding ceremony and reception showed the deep thought and effort that had been put into it. Her guests were wowed by the food, the ambience of the hall, everything was a hit with her guests. The decorator got lots of referrals from that event alone, so much so that she mentioned it to Tayo and thanked her for pushing her to give more. Let’s just say Tayo was able to whip everyone into putting on their best behaviour.  

As per her usual style, they had already talked and planned when they were having their first child, and even the number of years between the first and second child. They had agreed they were having only two kids, regardless of their gender.

As though from their heart to the ears of God, they got their heart desires. Within five years of marriage, their family was set, they got a boy and a girl. God was gracious to them.

Tayo’s life was perfect, everything worked. Her kids were doing excellently in school, they were healthy and her husband and love of her life was growing more loving every single day. Her career was on a fast track, now that she was no longer giving birth.


resources-9-steps-smiling-mom-childThen it happened, there was a cloud on the horizon of her life. Her son had had a dimple beneath his neck from birth and sometimes, it released puss, if pressed. She had wondered and worried about it, taken him to the doctors but she was reassured that it was nothing to worry about.

Then this dimple started to grow and he started to feel some pain from that spot. She took him to the hospital, he was treated, the swelling went away but it came back and grew so fast, it was surprising. That was when they got the diagnosis of childhood cancer.

Tayo couldn’t process or deal with the diagnosis, she looked back into the life of her son, since birth, and couldn’t fathom what could have triggered it. She even went farther to look at her pregnancy with that child but she could still get no insight into why her son had cancer.

At first, he was given 6 months at most to live. That was the most dreadful thing that could happen to a mom; knowing when your child would die. But with the help of chemotherapy, he was able to live for longer and that was when Tayo’s planning trait kicked in again. But this time around, she planned for life after him, because, unless a miracle happened, he was going to die.

So, she planned for when he was no longer there, and how they would cope. She also begged God not to allow him die during holidays…for his sister’s sake.

When he survived the holiday period, she began to hope, but her mind also knew only God could save him. He had a relapse a few days to his birthday, but felt okay enough to cut his birthday cake and take some pictures, even though it was in the hospital.

From then on, it became a waiting game, waiting for signs that he was getting weaker and pleading with God not to let him die on her birthday, on her husband’s birthday, on his sister’s birthday, all of which were in the month of May.

He died eventually, but it was not on any of those days she was worried about. In fact, she did not recognise the importance of the day, wrapped in her grief as she was, until she wanted to fill in her diary that night and realised, her son had died on her wedding anniversary in June.


That was when she really broke down and cried, like she hadn’t cried all day, thinking about how she had been worried about her son not dying on special dates, only for him to die on a date that meant so much too both her husband and herself. Her husband met her with her head resting on her dressing table and tears dripping down her face. Bless his soul, upon seeing her diary open, he knew, she had come to realise the importance of the day. He had been dreading that moment.

That same night, they made love and conceived another child, who was born exactly nine months after their son’s death. Tayo knows because such details are important to her and also because she felt it was God giving her another child. Even before she found out what she was having, she knew it was going to be a boy…and it was.

Tayo had her baby boy sometime in March, and her story was being shared with a new mom who had lost her new born after seven days, due to prematurity, as a source of consolation, when I heard it. That was on Saturday, at one of my favourite hideouts, which happen to be maternity center.  

The gist of the story was, if God had given her one child, then He would give her another, which I absolutely believe and pray she gets soon.

However, I couldn’t help but marvel at the futility in detailed planning, because there are some things that you just can’t plan, like deaths. I would have included births, but people are increasingly planning the birthdays of their kids these days.

Planning is good, it is important, but remember to live for each day too, because, when you really look at it, today is all that’s really guaranteed.

Worry less and enjoy more!




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