Where Is The “Proof” Of Your Love?



“’I love you’, ‘I love you’ all the time! What has this love brought you sef? Where is the result of this love in Tokyo you people have been playing all these years? Do you realise it is seven years already and you are there, living in each other’s pockets, telling me about love. Is that what we are going to eat? Abeg, born baby, make we hear word.”

Debola’s big sister-in-law said and waltzed out of the sitting room, where even the sound of a pin dropping would have been too loud. Everyone was shocked at the venom with which she delivered her diatribe.

True, there were people who felt the same way as she did in that room. There were people who had been hinting about the fact that Debola and her husband were yet to have a child, seven years after marriage. There were people who couldn’t understand their passion for each other, that was still so evident in their marriage after all these years. Some said it was because they were yet to become parents, but not one single one of them would have put across their feelings the way the first daughter of the house had, damning all consequences like putting a pall on their mom’s birthday celebration, which also happens to be on Valentine’s Day. Or the fact that she was discussing private family matters in the presence of guests, who had come to celebrate with her mom.

She didn’t care that her parents had, for years, been warning her off her brother’s wives, whom she tended to take a proprietorial attitude towards, and whom she expected more respect from than even her mother. Every one of her brother’s wives knew she was the trouble maker of the house and they tended to avoid her as much as they could, without making it obvious. But you know what? Even she knew she was trouble and enjoyed showing off her ‘craze’, knowing not one of the two wives would dare throw it back in her face.

As Miss Troublemaker walked out, everyone practically fell over themselves, trying to cover up for the awkwardness that had engulfed the room. They all failed woefully, as the room was thrown into a pregnant silence…forgive the pun. The bomb was not easily diffused. When Debola and her husband left, no one tried to stop them, and not his younger brother or his wife, who probably felt it was best that they leave.

This happened last year’s Valentine’s day, which was on a Sunday. From that time till this year, only Debola can effectively describe what she has been through, with the word, “Where is the proof of your love?” ringing perpetually in her ears.

On getting into the car, Debola could no longer control her tears. She cried like a baby, and every once in a while would look at her husband,  Tolu, who was visibly angry and say, “What did I do to your sister to deserve this?”

The intensity of the pain of being publicly embarrassed like that dulled with time, aided by the apology that came from her parents-in-law later on but the damage had already been done. Debola’s TTC effort moved from speed 50 to 100 in days. She was living and breathing TTC.

Debola switched clinics, blackmailed and cajoled her husband into doing more investigations, she submitted herself for lots of prodding and probing, did any investigation that her doctor said would help her. She was desperate. She was desperate for a baby.

Before this time, Debola and her husband had not folded their arms and were just enjoying themselves as they had been made out to seem. In fact, their TTC efforts had eaten so well into their finances and life. They had started with a family doctor, who soon transferred them to an Ob-gyn, with whom they stayed for 4 years.  Last year, they started with their new doctor who ran similar tests as before and even more.

The diagnosis remains the same; PCOS. And apart from lifestyle changes, which were highly recommended, Debola was placed on some hormone balancing medications.

But did baby come? No…at least, it doesn’t look like it had happened. So, as this year’s Valentine’s day approach, along with the anniversary of the vile speech targeted at her and her husband, Debola is so conscious of the lack of the baby and is no more mood to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

On the other hand, her husband is hell bent on making elaborate plans, especially as they have both decided not to go to his mom’s place for her birthday this year, whether, a party is happening there or not. In fact, if she agrees to his plan, they won’t even be in town on the birthday, and that saves them the need to come up with any excuse for not showing up at the family house.

Perhaps, they would be able to create new memories of the day, perhaps she would agree to go out of town, perhaps she would be able to shake off her TTC life for one day and do something for her husband.

Seeing that her husband is excited about the fact it’s their 8th year of marriage, which he calls the year of perfection, it’s all up in the air, as she’s more than ever reminded of the fact that she’s yet to have a baby.

It’s dampening, but that is the reality for some TTC folks at this time of  the year. All I can say is, may your baby dreams come true speedily.

Baby dust and have a love filled Valentine’s Day.




Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

Photo credits:

1. https://adoption.com/

2. http://hellodoktor.com/



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