National Adoption month is celebrated in November, it is only fitting that we celebrate the families who achieved the dreams of their expanded family via adoption, and in this post, a mom shares the heart-warming story of her triumph over infertility, and the dazzling gift of her daughter.
For the sake of her privacy, I will call her Elizabeth, and here’s her story as told in her own words.
“I am a very stubborn person, and for as long as I can remember, my mother always told me it was going to land me in trouble. Yes, it did. She was right. I got in a lot of trouble, but my stubborn streak, and God, saw me out of them all.
My husband, on the other hand, is one of the gentlest persons you will ever meet, but he doesn’t look it. He is the best version of me, and I love that man. Infact, I have grown to love him more over the years, and the roller coaster ride of infertility we have been on.
We started trying for a baby almost as soon as we got married, and we got lucky all the time, but we were also experiencing miscarriages. I think I have lost count of the number of miscarriages we had in the first two years of our marriage. It was just too much, too heart-breaking and too easy, but that was our lot and we held on to each other through it all.
After we experienced our last miscarriage in the second year of our marriage, we experienced a dry spell. We weren’t getting pregnant. All of a sudden, I wasn’t even conceiving at all. The positives went on leave, and I wasn’t informed about their leave of absence. That was when my stubborn streak on this fertility journey kicked in. I was out for blood…literally…and there was no way I was taking no for an answer.
As the universe would have it, the first fertility doctor I met was just as stubborn as I am. She wanted to see me get pregnant and have a baby. So, from the word ‘go’, we were not messing around. It was aggressive; tests (invasive, non-invasive), scans, and all the works! I presented my self and my sweet husband was on hand too to do his part, and the verdict was unexplained infertility.
I think that diagnosis killed me more than anyone else. I was actually hoping that they would find something. I had a range of diagnosis and the subsequent treatment that would follow, but mehn, I was so disappointed. I felt useless and helpless (a feeling I wasn’t used to at all).
Since we had been trying for almost three years, our doctor suggested we try IVF and I jumped at it happily. My hubby had his reservations, but me, I was more than ready to have the procedure, and very soon, my freezer looked like a grocery store vegetable aisle, because I wanted to eat clean, and I was self-injecting, when my husband didn’t get home in time to do the honours.
We had three failed cycles under our belt, before my husband put his foot down and declared we were no longer TTC. At first it was a case of, “You are just talking your own. Me? I’m still trying.”
However, after seeing how my stubbornness was hurting my husband and our marriage, I calmed down and accepted that we may not be trying for a baby via IVF for now.
One early morning, as we were getting dressed for work, my husband told me he dreamt about a baby girl, who was sleeping in between us on our bed and the lethargy that had seemed to overtaken my life was lifted.
I don’t know how or where the thought came from, but I immediately asked him if he thought we should adopt, and he said yes. I danced that day, like I already had that baby girl. Yes, there was no debate, we were adopting a baby girl.
Today, we have a baby girl.
I didn’t carry her in my body, but I have loved her even before I met her, even before I knew she existed. I had created an image in my mind of the kind of girl she would be, and she is that girl. She fills my life with sunshine with her bubbly personality.
She came to us when she was just few days old, and today, she is almost 6 years old, and is the most popular girl in her class. That’s my girl, she stands out wherever she goes, because she is a people person. She has even made her recluse of a father even popular, because she is always introducing him to her friends and their parents.
And their father-daughter relationship? Abeg, don’t get me started on that one, before you decide I’m jealous. Okay, I’m jealous, but it’s all good as we are all on the same team.
My baby girl is my rainbow baby. She came after several miscarriages. When I was having those miscarriages, I knew I was going to have a rainbow baby, but what I didn’t know was that it was going to be via adoption. I’m just so blessed that this option existed.”
Now, that’s Elizabeth’s wonderful testimony of triumph, and it is a beautiful one. She’s not shy about sharing the fact that her daughter was adopted. Even the little madam knows she was adopted, but it makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.
Does she want another child? Here’s her answer, “Not really.” she said with a shrug. Now, that can mean anything, but as long as she’s fine with her decision, that’s all that counts.
Our routes to motherhood may be different but what’s most important is that we all get to the promise land.
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