Losing weight for so many people is often about maintaining a healthy lifestyle but the question is, at what cost? Most people give up their sugar cravings, shut down their sedentary lifestyle and make a turnaround in their general outlook on life, however for some, it meant a quite heavy cost and one they did not think, they would have to pay in order to be have a healthy lifestyle.
For the two women, whose stories, I’m about to share, making a change in their lifestyle; losing weight cost them their marriages; their husbands of many years couldn’t bear their new fitfam lifestyle and they were dumped at a time, they were feeling the most confident about themselves and the choices they have made to get to where they were.
Quite painful just to hear about right? Well it is nothing compared to how they felt and are still feeling about their weight loss, which had cost them something more; their marriages but there is no going back.
For Racheal, who admitted that she had packing on the weight in her 20s, losing weight was something she decided to gift herself for her 30th birthday. She didn’t want anything, didn’t want any party, like her husband wasn’t to throw for her. She just gave him a figure as her target weight goal. He was free to throw a party, if she met that goal.
“So, from the beginning of the year, I started on a diet, started doing some short exercise routines. I couldn’t go to a gym. I was too ashamed. I mean, I was a size 24. I was dying on the inside everyday but I found it difficult to stop eating but I also knew a gym was out of it for me, at least for a start.
That meant, I set my alarm for 4:30, every morning. I would get up, put on an exercise CD I bought and just do my thing. One thing that I was consistent with was the exercise part. Eating right and sticking to my diet was the main issue.
After a few weeks, I started to see some difference. Mind you I was still big but I could see that some of my big tees were draping me, so, I decided to move on to the gym.
Needing the moral support, I begged my husband to join me and he did. So we both went for our run in the morning, before heading to the gym, all sweaty and like a lamb to the slaughter, ready for some more ass kicking by our gym instructor.
Interestingly, the more I began to enjoy the exercise routines, even though, I still struggle with my diet, my husband became withdrawn. Sometimes, he made excuses for not coming along on the run. Sometimes, he would tell me to go ahead, that he would join me. Of course, he was a no show. He stopped coming to the gym all together but started bring home for fast food, which I indulged in. Sometimes, they were his way of apologising for not coming to the gym with me. Sometimes, he bought it, just because, he knew I liked it.
However, one day, I was on a fruit only diet, when he brought in some pastries. He said, it was for when, we had guests and to put it in the fridge. The same fridge I had filled with fruits and vegetables. Oh no! It was a real test for me. I knew I had to finish my three day fruit detox but those pastries were not going to allow me do it.
So, I asked him, if I could give it out and buy some later, that they were a temptation to me. That was the day, it all came out. My husband hit the roof, he shouted, he raged at my new lifestyle and used the D-word for the first time in our five years old marriage.
I panicked and knew, I needed to go back to my old ways, but it did not sit well with my new mindset and that was the beginning of the end of my marriage.
The more I tried to behave as though, we were still on the old terms, the more I failed terribly and I could see his frustration but I could also see the results, the way, people now pay attention to me and ask for my opinion, as though being fat beclouds your mind.
Long story short, my husband started having an affair with a younger but bigger lady. It was as though, he went looking for a photo copy of my old self; she dresses, the same way, I used to dress, and even my former favourite meals are hers.
My life was turned upside down. I didn’t know whether to get angry or depressed; my exercise routine was the constant factor. I woke up most mornings and headed for the gym, without a thought and work out till I can bear the pain that wanted to take the life out of me.
It was hard but I survived. I have managed to get my life back on track, hoping to find someone soon and have those babies, which I have been dreaming of.”
Debbie’s weight gain was as a result of an eating disorder, she had been suffering from as a child. She knew that had affected her reproductive life. Her husband knew before she got married but they hoped they would both be able to make the required changes and go ahead to have a baby.
If only, it was that easy. Both Debbie and her husband, Femi were food lovers, they had met at an eatery, got engaged at their favourite eatery and most of their interests had revolved around food. However, while Debbie’s feeding frenzy meant, she piled on the weight, it seem to melt on her husband.
They lived like this for eleven years, making no headway, where babies were concerned. She wasn’t even dropping the weight. It was her mother-in-law, who dragged her to a doctor, who upon testing her gave her a deadline to lose the weight. Now, wasn’t at all about getting pregnant, it was about her life, her heart was giving out on her gradually without her knowing.
That scared her into taking action. Her mother-in-law was her partner in crime and her son wasn’t too happy with the women in his life, taking a different stance on food, different from what he believed.
Doing whatever, it took, in six months; Debbie went from 140kg to 95kg. She got pregnant and ballooned again, which pleased her husband but as soon as she had the baby, she was back on her fitness routine.
Femi did not stray, he just walked away. They had no common interest again and he wasn’t ready to deal with her new mindset or lifestyle. Not even his baby, who had come from her drastic weight loss, could make him stay.
Her words were; “You are never the same person after a weight loss. There is always a shift. If anyone ever told you, they lost weight but remained the same person, just know that they are lying. It doesn’t happen.
Meanwhile, I’m hoping my husband comes home again, but if he doesn’t, I can live but I’m never going back to that lifestyle again. I have lived with it for most of my life and it is not worth it.”
A study conducted jointly by North Carolina State University and University of Texas at Austin sought to answer the question as to why relationships break down after one partner loses weight.
An online questionnaire was sent to 21 couples in which only one partner had lost at least 13kg. When the results came in, it showed that in 67 per cent of cases, the one who lost the weight was female. Of the couples quizzed, each member independently answered questions about the effects of the weight loss on their health, their partner’s health, and on other aspects of their relationship.
The result showed that there was a “dark side” to weight loss, if both partners were not on board with enacting healthy changes. According to the lead author of the study, Dr. Lynsey Romo, “People need to be aware that weight loss can change a relationship for better or worse, and that communication plays an important role in maintaining a healthy relationship.”
Obviously, while losing weight is good, for general health, one question that might be necessary now is, what are you willing to give up to lose the weight?
Loads of baby dust mamas.
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