Turning 30 Without A Baby!

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My secondary school Facebook group had seen a lot of action in recent times, with all of us reminiscing about the “good old days” of reckless abandon. We recalled the names of our teachers and the nicknames we had given them. Who was shy then, who looks pretty much the same as they were back then, who has changed? We even typed out the words of our school anthem. Quite an interesting connection!

However, I was the one who typed that I was not going to be that active o, as they reminded me that I was getting old. It was as though, I opened the floodgate to pent up emotions, desires and dream yet unachieved.

After replying a few comments, it was obvious that I was outnumbered and was not going to win this online banter of who should be complaining about getting old. As according to these former mates of mine, I had no right to be complaining of getting old, after all, I was married, …after all, I was a mom of twins, twice, …afterall, I was still slim, …after all I was an efiko, after all, so many other things, as though all of those things had something to do with feeling old. I know in my heart they had their points, but it doesn’t mean the dreams in my heart are not affected by my age, at least, that is what I think.

But that is not the point of this article. What is was the confessions that came forth from these friends of mine. Some of them, just dropped snippets that were loaded about their lives, others came outrightly to talk about their dreams and one topic that kept resurfacing was the dream of baby.

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For Debbie*, I remember her as a full bodied black beautiful lady. Even in SS3, while people like me were still straight up and down, it was an obvious fact that she was going to be breaking lots of hearts in the future. In fact, she broke plenty hearts in the school.

Debbie is doing great career wise. She has a busy job, which keeps her travelling around the world. Her Facebook page could be mistaken for a travelogue. Exotic places that I have only dreamt about, she has been there, courtesy of her work.

However, this fine babe has not been catching the eyes of the right guys. She just attracts stringers, who have no ambition, asides seeing the colour of her underwear. So, she has been single for a few years and celibate for same number of years too.

She had dropped a line along the lines of “I never knew I will still be single, or worse, not be a mom by the time I’m 30, but it doesn’t look like it now. September is already here.”
One of Debbie’s physical endowments is her hips; it was so suited for carrying babies, as one chauvinist teacher of ours once said to her. Well, the hips are still there, if her social media updates are anything to go by, but the man that will help make the babies has not yet showed up.

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Another friend, Ladi, who is now married, but already 33, and with whom I went to University said, we should pray for his wife to get pregnant. They had been married for two years and had been trying for same number of years. We all said a word of prayer. But wait oh, why did he say we should pray for his wife and not him? (that was just what I need to go back there.)

You bet I was going to pray for twins for them, double for their trouble is nice nau, don’t you think so?

Ladi was one of those boys, who used to pull rank over the ‘85 babies in our class. Being born in January, and three years earlier too, probably made him feel older. Of course, rather than call him broda Ladi as he wanted, ‘85, ‘86, ‘87 babies avoided him and his gran papa crew like a plague.

In the group, those days were a source of mirth. We all jokingly called him Broda Ladi, but it’s never going to last. Who is going to force me to add broda? Thank God, Facebook only carries your name, it doesn’t allow for broda. Also, he has seen the foolisness in demanding respect, instead of trying to earn it.

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The last story, I will be sharing is that of Gbemi, who had one of the best results in our WAEC. She is a confirmed Efiko! She went to the University to study education, with a major in primary education, meaning she would be dealing with lots of young children. It was something that she loved to do. Her patience level is right up there.

She found her own man after University and had an elaborate wedding, which I attended via Facebook. Haha! I don’t know whether it was the age business or she was just burdened, a taciturn Gbemi shared her TTC challenge in a long comment referring to the numerous goals she had set for herself, most of which she had achieved, except for the dream of a baby, which has proved elusive.

From her comment, it was obvious she was starting to feel the pressure from her in-laws after three years of a blissful marriage, again, if the pictures she posted on Facebook are to be believed ( don’t mind me, I keep saying that, because I have come to realise that sometimes pictures do tell lies. Social media life can be controlled but you live the reality).

The in-laws were butting in with their questions about when they were going to carry her baby. As if that was not enough, she also has to deal with her own inner demons calling for a baby, telling her she is almost 30 years old, yet with no baby.

According to her calculation, which she shared with loads of smiley emoticons, she was supposed to have had her second child and be preparing for the third and last one in a year’s time, but instead, she was still trying for her first child.

On this comment, there were plenty of likes, but fewer replies. I guess most of us did not know how to deal with that outpouring of true emotion from her. We can deal very well with the periphery but not the meat, but Gloria certainly gave us plenty think about.

Teenagers now turned ladies and gentlemen, all with dreams in their hearts, all connected with one dream of baby, all turning 30, or over 30. That’s just life. Give it another ten years and we will be in another phase in our lives. Hopefully, all who dream of having babies will have had their quivers full of them by that time.

My earlier resolve not to be active has now been shaken. I will go back again, if only to offer support to these childhood friends of mine. Our dreams, aspirations, even current realities might not always be the same, but all our dreams are valid all the same and deserve to be pursued.

Plenty food for thought I hope.

 

 

Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

Photo credits: 

1. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/

2.  http://4.bp.blogspot.com/

3. http://media1.razorplanet.com/

4. https://s.yimg.com/

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Life has a way of throwing one off balance but,thank God for being God,his promises are ever sure. We are ladies with hope ‘one day na one day’ our deepest heart desires will come through,amen.

  2. Being 30 without a baby leaves room for hope, what about approaching the big 40 with the same dilemma and conscious burden of the ticking biological clock? May God have mercy on us!

  3. I can relate especially to Gbemi’s story. I just clocked 30 this January without a baby but what can I do. Am still counting my blessings one by one. Still hopeful sha

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