This life sha!


This is one of those spur-of-the-moment kind of write ups, which I practically just jumped out to bed to write. So, I got a call from my elder sister this evening that Faith has given birth! “Wow! That’s great news” I said. “Boy or girl?”

“Boy oh” my elder sister said.

I was silent for about ten seconds, and she was too, on the other end.

“This life is unfair sha” she said when it was obvious I was still tongue-tied.

“What did Auntie Oge say?” I asked when I found my tongue.

“What do you expect her to say, Ify? God has His way of doing things jare”.

My sister and I finished our conversation and I just kept saying “This life sha. This life sha” to myself. You see, Auntie Oge is my Mom’s younger sister who battled with infertility for the first eight years of her married life. Those were not the days of assisted birth, so you can imagine what life must have been like; simply holding on to God and hoping that the next menstrual flow doesn’t come. God smiled on her eventually and she had three children in quick succession; all girls.

Her husband’s people went from calling her barren to the woman who can’t bear sons. They pressurized her husband for so long, telling him how a man needs a son to continue his name and blah blah blah. He gave in eventually and married a second wife when his first child Faith was seventeen. Susan, the second wife gave birth to a girl first and we all rejoiced. Maybe now, Uncle Kene would see that it is not by marrying second wife oh. We forgot that part of the bible that admonishes us not to laugh at our enemies and we paid for it. Susan got pregnant again and gave birth to twin boys! Ha! Double blows below the waist! We were still questioning God and consoling Auntie Oge and telling her that her own would come when Susan got knocked up again and bore another son. When it rains, it pours, right? My mom and her siblings quietly changed tune, and started advising their sister to concentrate on raising her daughters; using people like the Late Prof. Dora Akunyili to preach about a strong woman being comparable to ten men.

Last year, Faith, Auntie Oge’s first child, got pregnant for her university undergraduate boyfriend and it was the news of her childbirth that my sister called to share with me. The son that her mother had being begging God to grant her for over two decades, Faith got without even asking. I wonder what Auntie Oge must be thinking now and if she would still have strength to pray. For the first eight years of her marriage, she would have killed to have a child; and she spent the remaining years looking for a male child. Then her daughter gets pregnant out of wedlock, and behold, it’€™s a boy! Life can be unfair like that. I remember one of my good friends back in University, Queen, who got really pissed with this unfair life thingy. Some girls in class who didn’t take classes seriously, and copied and cheated during examinations, would come out with the same, or even better grades than those of us that buried ourselves inside our books. It got to Queen, when we wrote an exam and the best students in class got Cs, while the rest scrambled for Ds and Es, and a good number failed. The entire class was angry at the Lecturer, and we even decided to write a letter to the HOD (Head of Department), calling for the re-marking of our scripts; everyone was agitated except for three girls who got Bs! Two of those girls never came to class and I remember sitting beside one of them during the examination, and she submitted an empty script. So how did they get Bs, when I with all my extra sheets escaped with a C? But hey, that’s life. I was just glad that I got a C, however they came about their own grades wasn’t any of my business.

I think that we pretty much would not live happy lives if we measured our journey to that of someone else. There will always be someone that has what we wan,t or what we believe we deserve. Relating that to our fertility journeys, some people sneeze and they get pregnant, some others have to take the high road. Some people get pregnant after one IVF cycle, others have to try a few more times. Some people have the comfort of the company of their partners throughout pregnancy, some others do not have that luxury. Some women glow throughout their pregnancies, others find it to be a ‘kill or be killed’ situation. Here, we all share the same dreams. We all want to carry our babies in our arms.It doesn’t mater how long it takes.  But, we would all get there…eventually. It helps to be positive-minded through it all. Happiness and inner peace is a prerequisite for conception. We have to maintain our joy and focus on our own unique journeys, thanking God for His blessings as we hope for more of His Grace and favour. Remember that we are all runners, but on different tracks. If I get to the finish line before you, I would be waiting for you there with a cool drink in hand. I hope you would do same for me.

Baby dust to all *in @nicole’s voice*  🙂


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  1. Life is pretty unfair because humans as “expectant” beings’ from our own frame of reference demands fairly distribution of life goodies from the maker, but God as the master planner and the giver of all things gives bountifully to whomever he desires and we can’t do anything about that.. So understanding and cherishment of the precious ones we receive from his benevolence is all we need to understand as we pray for our favorite gifts.. Thumbs up Ifeoma

  2. Very interesting…. Who can tell what tomorrow will bring? Nobody knows tomorrow and no one can question God. Thumbs up Ipheoma!

  3. That is life for you if you, I have three wonderful girls;even when my hubby said he’s okay with them I insist on having more twin boys in fact .One day the pressure may start and he will start thinking otherwise, probably I may have entered my menopause and he will come and give me reasons why he should get a second wife.GOD FORBID.

  4. @tessy…God forbid oh. It best to have both sexes tho, but really, God knows best and we just have to trust in his guidance. @titus @tochukwu…that’s just apt. No-one can question God. We can only trust in the fact that He has our best interests at heart.

  5. Really life could be unfair. But in all situation let us give thanks to God. He knows what is best for everyone of us. Ipheoma despite the lecturer’s unjust n unfair markings we are here happy with what we are and striving to be better. Nice write up.

  6. Interesting article. This reminds me about the case of my Aunt. After begging for her hand in marriage for many years she eventually married “him”. They had 3 sets of female twins in quick succession. He ran away and abandoned them for about 14 years !My aunt was heartbroken to say the least. Just 2 years back 1 one of the twins got pregnant in secondary school and gave birth to a boy. This life sha….

  7. It’s so interesting how God works in our lives hmmm I work in a health facility and see how teenagers(thus 13, 14etc) are getting pregnant with no husband to cater for their needs while there are married women like me who will do every possible just to have one but to no avail. But u know one thing God has his own time frame for us all we have to do is keep our fingers cross and wait on him. Becus he is the giver if he say he will not gave u, what can u do? nothing.

  8. Hmmmmm. This life can be unfair sometimes but it all good. I got pregnant at an early age when I wasn’t even expecting it. I was young and naive, I was just 19years old. I did all I could to abort the pregnancy using my own methods. Then a cousin’s friend who had been married for so long but miscarried whenever she got pregnant noticed the changes in me and advised me to keep it using her situation because I never know what tomorrow holds for me. Am glad I listened to her. My son is now 8years old , growing beautifully. And that lady is now blessed with two kids…a boy and a girl.

  9. Touching story bt true to life. Despite d unfairness in life, God wil stil be God.! Our desperate conditions cannot change Him bt He can change our situation if He choose to. Like King David said in PSALMS 131:1 ” I have stopped worrying myself about things too wonderful for me to comprehend” When we get to heaven we wil talk it over with Him if there wil be need. To all who are passing through such look unto God. And to my God cheta na eme nwataa ka emere ibe ye obi adiya mma! Mere umu gi ebere!

  10. ..Hmmnn…very interesting piecE. E reach to say “this life sha!”.Sometimes I get angry @ God.infertility is not what I’ll even wish my “worst enemy”.the silent mockery;the expectations;…if one isn’t carefull it will make u a bitter pErson.its not an easy path.But in all,na God get life.

  11. Hi, Daego, your comment is so apt. Waiting for a baby takes grace and we all have to guard against bitterness while we wait on God. Thank you for commenting

  12. Huh! With a receptive heart, we say God, you’re awesome and still in the business of answering prayers. What more can I say, I rejoice with them that rejoice….

  13. Huh! With a receptive heart, we say God, you’re awesome and still in the business of answering prayers. What more can I say, I rejoice with them that rejoices ….

  14. That is y we all ttc need to ask God for mercy and nothing else not even to question him cos he said he will have mercy on whom he chooses too. Nice story thumbs up.


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