The Unique Bond Of (In)Fertility Sisterhood

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“They always say, everything happens for a reason, but often times, in those dark moments, when it looks like the heaven is caving in on one, and it looks like God had turned a deafening ears to all the tears, the silent cries, the pounding heart, the anguish of the upraised arms, we fail to see the reason. In fact, at those times, no reason would have made sense.

How could it have? When there is still no child to suckle, then another cycle had yet again failed, when another miscarriage had taken another precious gift, when the bills from the failed cycle is yet to be paid, when, the lady, who just got married, two months ago, already shows all the classic symptoms of pregnancy.

Or forget the married ones, what about that girl that I taught social studies as a corp member, when she was in JSS 2, I saw her rocking a bump, for goodness sake! And I’m supposed to see a reason in the fact that I, who have been married for five years is yet to have a baby. No, I didn’t”

That was Gbemisola lamenting her situation via email, but you know what, if you give people enough time to think, they begin to see the light in every situation. They begin to see a pattern, the lesson, they need to learn in situations and at those moments, the light bulb goes off and the one-time moaner walks with her head held high.

That was exactly what happened with Gbemi. In her lament, she finally arrived at the conclusion that there was something good out of her infertility struggle after all, even though, she is yet to have a child.

Gbemi is just 29 years old and until last year, she had no idea, and she had endometriosis; stage four endometriosis, at that. For as long as she could remember, her period was irregular, it was a nightmare and everything else, but that was the normal she knew. So, she accepted and kept trying for a baby, after her marriage.

One year, two, no show, they kept trying and then in the fourth year, she made became more friendly with Dr. Google, regarding her condition and guess what? She found The Fertile Chick and started to stalk the pages. That was the first inkling she had that her period might not be normal after all.

That prompted her into seeing her first doctor, an Ob/gyn and given her classic symptoms; he was the first that told her, she might have endometriosis but that they needed to check to be sure, exactly, what they were dealing with. The investigations was carried out, and they found that at only 28 years old, her chances of having a baby was almost as slim as that of a 40 year old woman.

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That day, Gbemi cried but she also found her way back to the website and into the arms of the women, who understood exactly what she was going through, even though they had their own issues, but they were strong enough to spare a thought, a hug and even call credits to cheer her up, even if it was just for the few moments, they talked.

It was her fellow TTC sisters, who started to talk about treatment options available to her, most of them had been there, done it and dusted it, some with results, some not, but they were warriors. As long as they had breath, they would still try again.

Armed with all the information, she now had, she went back to her doctor but after a while, it was pretty clear to both of them that she needed specialised care, if she is to have a baby, so, she moved to a fertility doctor, she had gotten from one of her fertility buddies.

Woman Whispering into Friend's Ear --- Image by © John Henley/CORBIS

Gbemi has had a failed cycle and a miscarriage under her belt but she has also gained friends, sisters more like. They understood the hunger in her, the pain, she goes through. They understood the hoping against hope that her period would not show up. They understood the infertility legalese that had so confounded her longtime friends.  

One of her buddies had visited her in the hospital, when she suffered OHSS and it was with her help that she was able to convince her doctor to try another medication, when, it happened the second time.  Her fertility buddies had become the light in her journey. They were there to hold her hands and pull her up, when she was down. They hold their candle to her feet if possible, so she can see her way out.

That was Gbemi and here’s my take on this unique sisterhood that infertility births. I will admit that sometimes, the whole sisterhood feels like an underground operation, the reason, the impact is known and felt, yet the faces are often unknown.

It is often a relationship, between strangers, but anchored on the most basic, the most intimate of human’s need- the need to procreate; which was a direct command from our Creator. That singular factor changes everything; ladies, who have known each other for less than an hour, are able to provide succour to each other and somehow, it makes everything looks better.

In this sisterhood, I have sometimes felt like an outsider, as I haven’t gone through half of what Gbemi had gone through or even that of any TTC mom, for that matter, but in this sisterhood, there are only sincere feelings to be found. People can pretend in real life that all is well but with their sisters, they just want to pour out their sincere feelings, either in consoling someone or being consoled. In being congratulated or congratulating someone. No masks, no filters, just plain womanhood at its best.

Ain’t this the best sisterhood of all?

 

 

 Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

 

Photo credits:

1. https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/

2. http://nkelber.com/

3. http://fiquedeboa.com.br/

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