This is perhaps one of the most common topics of fertility ever discussed, both in online groups and physical forums. The question mostly asked is, ‘How come a woman who has gone through a series of abortions before marriage, ends up falling pregnant as soon as she gets married? And, some women who have never even indulged in pre-marital sex end up going through problems with fertility.’
I used to have a friend in the University who got married as soon as we graduated, let’s call her Efe. She was such a strong Church-going Christian who could pray from morning till noon, and all through the night. We all knew she was a virgin, and a true one at that, so when she decided to marry Pastor Israel, we felt that it was a match made in heaven.
On the other hand, there’s this other girl called Sophie, who went from night clubs to night clubs every night, ditched exams, dated random guys at will, and fell pregnant one too many times, and had a series of abortions. How did we know she had a D &C done on some occasions? I’ll tell you.
So, one fateful day Rhoda, who was in the same class with me, went to the hospital for a medical check-up.She used the services of the private hospital behind our school, and when she came back, she told us about her conversation with the doctor on duty.
“The doctor checked me and, after a series of questions, I told him that I was shocked that I could have contracted staphylococcus through the toilet system, especially as I wasn’t sexually active. He began to commend my efforts at still being a modest girl in a world of sexually active youth.”
“That’s something…” I say, waiting for the main gist. Rhoda wouldn’t have summoned us all in her room to tell us about her straight record, I thought.
“Well, he actually asked me what course I was studying, and when I told him, he spilled to me that there’s a classmate of mine who came to his clinic some days ago with a medical related issue. He said that the lady had a D&C in a quack hospital, and that since the foetus was not well removed during the operation, it began to grow and disturb the girl. The girl came to the clinic for treatment but he had to refer her to a hospital in Lagos as it was a complicated case.”
“Ha! Who could that be? In our class?” Tessie, another friend of ours asked.
“I haven’t finished the story.” Rhoda started. “After speaking with me, the doctor was called out to see to an emergency and he left me alone in his office. Being an inquisitive girl, the files on his table caught my attention and I peered at the first one, it was that of Sophie Ebukamado.”
“Whaaaaat?” We screamed in shock.
Sophie was the wild girl in our class who I had described earlier.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked.
“That’s what I saw…I am not sure that she’s the one that the doctor was talking about though. Maybe she’s just a patient like me…” Rhoda dismissed. “Even though my mind tells me otherwise.”
As we left Rhoda’s room that evening, we were shocked by what we heard, and our ears were literally ringing but we had sworn never to repeat what we had heard in secret. No sooner had I stepped into my hostel room than Dora, my roommate said to me;
“Our exams are just around the corner, and Sophie has gone to Lagos.” Dora said, eating her bowl of rice and staring at me.
“Why would she travel during this time? Her parents are not based in Lagos are they?” I ask, totally forgetting the conversation that I had some hours ago with Rhoda.
“No…she said she had to get something important but my friend, Nkem, told me in secret that she had to go for a D &C.”
“Dora!” I exclaim as I remember the conversation I had just had with Rhoda.
“Don’t tell anyone that I told youooo.” Dora said to me.
Well, it’s needless to say that the rumour went round the whole school because Nkem was known as a certified gossip.
Years later after we graduated from the University, I was going through Facebook when I saw Sophie’s update.She had just given birth to twin girls, and there were good wishes in the comment section. Efe is on Facebook too, but she and her pastor husband have relocated to North Carolina, and till date they are still trying to conceive.
This topic stems up in many social media groups.You’d hear people taunt their fellow humans that you don’t need to marry a virgin to guarantee that you’d have children, or that women who have had as many as eight abortions still go ahead to have children without any hassle whatsoever.
The truth is that, in the journey of conception, we should avoid counting sins and focus on moving forward in life. Everyone is not the same, all fingers are not equal, and it doesn’t matter how many abortions someone might have had,or whatever the past of the person held, the most important thing is, identifying that there’s a problem, and looking for solution to curb it.
I’ll borrow the words from Adesua Etomi’s award acceptance speech at the AMVCA,
“It’s not for he who willeth or he who runeth, but for God who showeth mercy.”
Baby dust to all….
Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here