The Reality Of Having A Sex Life While Living With Endometriosis

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Intimate couple laying on bed --- Image by © Jon Feingersh/Blend Images/Corbis

 

Everyone saw this new bride, I will call Damilola, as a prim and proper girl, who always knew what to do at the right time. She was the epitome of the kind of daughter that Yorubas would refer to as Omo Daa daa, omo ti a ko, to gb’eko. Meaning a good child, one who was home trained and imbibed the training.

With her parents, Damilola could do no wrong; she was their star child. Everyone knew, it even though they made a show of not playing favourites amongst their four children.

When Damilola started her menstrual period, it was a battle. She had such an awful experience the first time, that her mom rushed her to the hospital, where she stayed for two days, until the pain subsided.

She got “The Sex Talk” in the hospital, and thanks to the doctor, who was present when her mom was enlightening her, all the crap about getting pregnant when a man touches you was thrown out the window. She had a fairly good idea of how babies were made and how she could protect herself, a fact her mother frowned at, and immediately the doctor left, she turned to her daughter and said, “Ma da doctor yen lohun, nkan ti nmo so fun ni ko gbo.” Don’t mind the doctor, it is what I tell you that you should hear.

Asides from the sex talk, her mother also shared the fact that she had experienced painful periods for a long time, until she had her first child. She told Damilola that she might have picked that up from her, but promised that it was going to get better, and that they would ask the doctor for medication to relieve the pain.

That was Damilola’s baptism into the world of menstrual pain. And it continued for a long time. At a time, her pain medications weren’t doing the trick anymore. Perhaps, because her body had gotten used to it. Her flow became heavy; it was on for most of the month. She looked pale and couldn’t live a normal teenage life.

She only heard about the exciting things other girls were doing; the sports, the boys, the after school outings, but her natural reticence and almost constant period stopped her.

That was how Damilola spent her teenage years, trying to hide away from life and cementing her two goody shoes status. Meanwhile, she was growing into a beautiful young lady with enviable curves, which she tried to camouflage but anyone with eyes could see she was a womanly woman.

The guys saw and they came, but she kept saying no, until she fell in love with a classmate of hers. However, to him, Damilola was just another catch and he treated her as such. Soon after they became official, he started to badger her for sex. After a while, Damilola was willing to do the deed, but Aunty Flo wasn’t cooperating.

It just kept showing up like a monitoring spirit, every time she decided today was the D-Day. Lack of sex led to the end of that relationship, and cured Damilola of any urge to be in a relationship for a long time.

During her self-imposed dating ban, Damilola was diagnosed with Stage II Endometriosis. She had started treatment and was pretty much considering a life without a husband, when her husband came into her life and swept her off her feet, literally.

For once in a long time, she wasn’t allowing Aunty Flo dominate her thoughts. Her body was flooded with love. Within six months of meeting, they were married. Even though Aunty Flo played a role in their choice of wedding date, it still showed up before their honeymoon was over, but at that time, the deed had been done.

After a year of marriage, Damilola shares her reality of planning her bedroom activities around Aunty Flo. Hopefully, if she gets a baby, the pain can really go away, like her mom said.

Here’s her reality:

 

Sex is painful

Woman experiencing period pains

The one thing synonymous with endometriosis is pain. It can vary from mild to unbearable, from sharp and stabbing, to deep and widespread.

Sometimes, the pain comes like menstrual cramps, at other times, it’s like all internal organs are having a wicked dance without a break.

While a woman with the condition can say what the trigger is, the pain can come unannounced during sex, and can continue for up to 2 days afterwards. Talk about stealing today and tomorrow.

 

Aunt Flo has the worst timing possible

Damilola knows this feeling of frustration so well. One minute, she’s excited at the prospect of having sex, and then the next minute, she’s rushing off to the restroom to clean herself up, thereafter apologising to her husband for their unexpected spoilsport.

Aunty Flo’s timing has killed off so many amorous moments, there’s no need counting.

 

Treatment can affect feelings of sexiness

 

Some of the ways of treating endometriosis, such as hysterectomy, birth control pills, and estrogen-suppressing medication can cause side effects like vaginal dryness, facial hair growth, deepening of the voice, and a form of induced menopause.

These symptoms affect some women psychologically, and they don’t feel like having sex because they don’t feel very feminine or have the same level of desire they used to.

 

Forget spontaneous sex

Sex can be less painful at certain times during the month, so it is better to schedule sex into those days. Anything outside it is all talk and no action.

 

Your partner know too much about Aunty Flo and her antics

Even though she had wanted to hide, Damilola had been open about her condition from the get go. They had discussed Aunty Flo too many times; calendar watched together, tracked her cycle to find some semblance of order.

Essentially, Damilola’s husband has come to realise his main competition is Aunty Flo, and he has also devised a way to beat her with the help of his wife.

Endometriosis can take the fun out of sex, and it becomes something of a chore to always be playing hide and seek with the witch, always in the hope that you win and even when you do have sex, you have to pray that the pain doesn’t come, or better still, come prepared, by taking some medication before the act.

I’m sending loads of baby dust, to Damilola especially, for when the baby fever hits.

Godspeed.

 

 

Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

Photo credits:

1. http://i.dailymail.co.uk

2. https://static.independent.co.uk

3. http://www.sourpussclothing.com/

4. http://i.huffpost.com

5. http://d236bkdxj385sg.cloudfront.net

6. http://www.hvmag.com/

 

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