The Frenemy- Differentiating Friends from Backstabbers!


One of my close acquaintances got married a few years ago, and she’s still TTC, let’s call her Amaka. At first when she got married, she wasn’t in a hurry to conceive as she felt that she and her husband had a lot of things to achieve as a couple. On her list were; to build a house, get some sort of strong financial security, and put a lot of things in place, as hers was a long distance marriage. So when her friends asked her when the baby was going to come, she put them off with words like ‘it’s not our priority right now’, ‘we have so much on our plate’.

When her husband finally moved back to Nigeria about a year ago, they began to try for a baby, as they felt that they were ready. At that point, Amaka realized that she had a problem with her tubes, as the test she took came back with the result that her tubes were challenged. There, her fertility treatments began, and she’s been through a lot trying to conceive.

One day, her friend, Chinwe, paid her a visit at her home.They both talked about fertility, pregnancy and the challenges Amaka was facing. In the course of their discussion, Chinwe began to say uncouth words like, ‘I’d rather stay unmarried than be childless, God forbid!’,‘Thank God I’m not marriedooo! When you were getting married, and I was single, everyone thought it was the end of the world for me. Now, at least I can drink water, and drop the cup in peace.’

Amaka was hurt by her friend’s words but said nothing, soon Chinwe changed the topic and they delved into other issues. Their talk was interrupted by a phone call from one of Chinwe’s numerous friends, Ese. In a bid to answer the call, Chinwe placed it on speaker phone while she spoke with Ese. Their conversation went thus;


“Chinwe, how far? Where you dey?” Ese greeted.

“I am at Amaka’s house ooo…” Chinwe responded.

“Oh, that your friend. How is she?” Ese asked.

“She’s fine ooo…my dear, it’s just that she’s not feeling too well.” Chinwe said empathically.

Amaka was sitting right there through this conversation while waiting for Chinwe to end the call so that they can continue their gist.

“What happened to her?”

“Hmmm…my dear, you guys that have children so easily are lucky. Amaka is still trying to conceive and the treatment she’s been undergoing is putting her through a lot.” Chinwe said.

“Abegi…tell her to go and sit down! When she was bragging that she and her husband were not ready for a baby, I bet she didn’t know she’d be going through this now.”

Mind you, this Ese lady is not in any way close to Amaka, as they are just mere acquaintances. Who would have told her that Amaka was not ready for kids as at the time she got married? The answer is- no one else but Chinwe.

Amaka was shocked to the roots of her hair!It dawned on her that her friend might actually be laughing at her behind her back, and gossiping about her private issues with friends.

Sometimes, people come with the ‘I understand your plight’ mannerism and expect you to fall hook, line and sinker. Others come with the ‘I’ve known you all your life’ gesture so that you can tell them everything that’s going on with you. A few other times, it’s nosy neighbours, colleagues, BBM contacts, acquaintances and the rest, that try to pry into your privacy. The truth is, you owe nobody any explanation for anything. If months after your marriage and there are still no signs of pregnancy, end the talk by not divulging private information to people, even to those who are close to you. Who knows? That friend of yours who you think is your greatest ally might actually be the FRENEMY.



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  1. ehm, i was hoping that i was reading a Hollywood script, but the truth is that there are people like that out there. i hope she defriended her immediately o, b4 she sells her secret for 50kobo. iwe must know who and who to share our challenges with. i have a friend who keeps telling me “babe how far , u never carry belle? oya hurry , collect from back,collect from front talking aboutsex) ” as if a baby is on the shelf of a shop
    we forget that in the end except God gives a child,nothing for u. medical science can only try with the knowledge given by God. that is what i have reallly come to appreciate from my ttc journey.

  2. Very real……so many frenemies out there. I have a friend who was relocating to another town and I had to take over their place as it was a better place. Apparently the other tenant has also being TTC for a while. Recently I was talking to the other tenant who is now a very good friend of mine and she told me that the way my supposed friend introduced me to her was quite worrying. She said that my friend told her that the lady coming is a good friend but she has also being TTC for a while so you both will always have things to talk about. Forgetting that she was once in those shoes. Ever since then I don’t even discuss anything in relation to that with her and she’s always asking as if she really cares…….

    • @demmie, what an introduction! Some women can be somehow. So because you’re both TTC, that’s all you’ll talk about?! Some people are so myopic it’s unbelievable! Wishing you and your neighbor lots of luck in this journey hun! One day you’ll be on the other side of the bridge, the only difference is that you’ll be kinder to those just starting the race :heart: :heart:

  3. I hv this colleague who i thot was a day she came to me sayin she heard odas talking abt me that its only clothes i knw how to buy instead of me tinking of how i will get pregnant…as soon as she told me that i cut her off..cos i see no reason why my frenemies will feel so comfortable talking abt ur friend where u are…i had had close friends nd no body dare talk ill of them where i am..dey wont even try it….i just knew frm then she wasnt a friend

  4. God help us to bear and give us victory,for me I lock up from those who pretend to care oh.I saw a friend in a public bus full with pple and guess wat she said loudly ha Ngozi u never still carry belle watin u dey wait for my sister way marry d Sam time with u don born oh.u think say na to dey shake ur bumbum.abeg give us baby jor anyway I am praying for u.God saved her cos I was at my low end dat day .I just held back my tears.I deleted her no frm my phone.d next time she called no be person tell her not to call again.we shall testify .all of us in dis journey cos our God is a loving father.


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