The Emotions That Come With Having To Use An Egg Donor


For most women, we have dreamed of becoming mothers since we were young girls. Many of us have nurtured our baby dolls and doted upon other children– anxiously waiting for the chance to have little ones of our own. We envision a fairy tale life of mothering and protecting and would never expect something to get in the way of that dream becoming a reality. For many women, we are modern day sisters of Hannah, whose fantasy has been interrupted and taken away by infertility.

Infertility became an unwelcome truth for my husband and I. Happily married, we were anxious to start having children. After undergoing nine unsuccessful IVF and frozen embryo transfer cycles, God blessed us with the opportunity to adopt our beautiful son. When we began the process to adopt a second baby, we were heartbroken when our second adoption process failed. Unwilling to believe only one child was God’s will for us, we began to explore the option of using a donor egg. Through this process we were fortunate to welcome our gorgeous twins – a boy and a girl.

Making the choice to use a donor egg was not easy and we prayed fervently over the decision. It comes with a lot of questions and emotions that need to be addressed in order for the treatment to be a success. Women, myself included, often find themselves working through feelings of grief and anxiety. They are tormented by the idea of never having a biological child, and concerned that a baby born through a donor egg may not seem like their own. Emotions like the ones discussed below are entirely normal and understandable for women undergoing a donor egg cycle. The important thing to remember is that in most cases, these emotions will be overcome, and you’ll be left with nothing but the feeling of joy at having a child.

Grieve for the Child You’ll Never Have

Learning that you are unable to deliver a biological child can be, and often is, gut wrenching. Before making the decision to use donor eggs, I believe that it’s essential for you and your spouse to take the time to process your emotions. There is no shame in grieving the traditional family situation you’d grown to expect. Despite a wide variety of options, you have still been dealt a loss. Taking the necessary time to work through these feelings will provide you a more beneficial and successful donor egg cycle. This is not something that will go away quickly. Even after a healthy pregnancy and delivery, many people find themselves thinking back to what could have been. Let these thoughts and feelings wash over you. They are completely normal and will not lessen the love you feel for your child.

Worry About the Lack of a Bond Between You and Your Baby

While every child is a blessing from God, it can be difficult not to worry about bonding with your little one after using a donor egg. Many women worry that the baby will not feel like “theirs.” This is one of the primary concerns for many women that I speak to about this process, but I can safely say that for most families that choose donor eggs, this never comes to pass. From the first positive pregnancy test to the sound of their heartbeat and the sweet flutter of their little kicks, this baby will be yours. While the DNA may be different, your body has nurtured this little human being throughout pregnancy and felt them grow inside of you. You are connected to them in a way that has nothing to do with genetics and you will have bonded before they ever arrive. When your little one is placed into your arms for the very first time, the only thing you will feel is love and the desire to care for them and protect them.

Anxiety About Discussing Egg Donation to Your Child

After undergoing a donor egg cycle, many parents worry about broaching the subject with their child. So many moms and dads stress over the idea that the child will love them less or be hurt that this secret had been hidden from them. Attempting to simply hide the secret and keep it from your child will only create unnecessary stress within your home and personal health. Most children are able to look at the situation and feel a great love and respect for their parents. The decision to use a donor egg exhibits nothing but a deep desire to have a child. Your son or daughter will have a deeper appreciation for everything you went through and will better understand just how much you love them.

The Process of Having a Child Through a Donor Egg Cycle

When it comes to having a child through the use of a donor egg, there is nothing to fear. Your dreams of becoming a parent will be fulfilled and the child, or children, you bring into the world will be blessed to have you and your spouse as their parents. Once you’ve made the decision to go ahead with your donor egg cycle, and egg bank like Donor Egg Bank USA aims to make the process as simple as possible.

Our directory of donors has each undergone extensive screening to ensure your comfort in whomever you choose. Once an egg donor has been selected, your body will need to be prepared for the transfer. Through the use of estrogen and progesterone, your endometrial lining is made more favorable for embryo implantation. Once you are physically ready, your chosen egg will be shipped to whichever fertility clinic you’ve chosen for fertilization and you will undergo an embryo transfer. Following this treatment, you will wait approximately two weeks and then the fertility clinic will administer a pregnancy test.

Because of my own infertility struggle, I know how daunting this experience can seem. Despite every emotional and physical strain, God blessed us with immeasurable joy. Every woman deserves to hold that child in her arms and look forward to life as a family.

Infertility casts a heavy shadow across the hopes and dreams of men and women everywhere. Thankfully, though, we live in a society that has been blessed by the technology to provide us with incredible choices and chances for happiness. Despite any emotional reservations, we owe it to ourselves to see what our options are.


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  1. It’s definitely a roller coaster of emotions but the end result is glorifying. In Nigeria, i doubt couples will tell their family talk less of friends if they use donor gamete. Their choice and no right or wrong approach to this.

    If the goal is to be a mother, let’s be open to whatever medium we get our happy endings….I can’t imagine how those women who would go through both egg donor and surrogacy would feel.


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