March 24th, 2008
Can you BELIEVE I am still spotting :dohh:. I thought AF would have shown her ugly face by now, but no…still the annoying spotting! I’m going to see what today is like…if i have more spotting and any cramps, then I’m just going to wait for full flow (which is bloody annoying, as I want to get on with the next cycle already). But if I feel normal, and there’s no spotting, I will allow myself a cheap pregnancy test again tomorrow.
I could scream as thought it was all over for this month! Everything seems to indicate so, so where the heck is the :witch:??!!
After my last post, I started cramping, and then went to the toilet…only to find that AF had arrived in all its glory! Although I am upset, at least I know now, and can get on with the next cycle.
To cheer myself up, I decided to take a walk. Javier wasn’t home from work, and I needed a bit of cool air on my face. I soon found myself in my neighbourhood grocery store, and proceeded to stock up on all the vitamins I could get. Whilst trying reading the pack of a new vitamin, which was claiming to solve every fertility issue known to man, I heard my name “Tayo!!!”. This jolted me, and I momentarily hesitated before turning around. From the accent, it wasn’t one of the usual oyibos in my Borehamwood neighbourhood, but a proper Naija person!
Just as I thought, standing further along the aisle was your typical just-landed-in-Jand Naija babe, with a head full of expensive human hair, and extremely overdressed for grocery shopping at Tesco. It took a few seconds for my brain to scan through its archives, to identify her face. Luckily, I remembered just a few nano seconds before she enveloped me in a bear hug! Ah, yes! How could I forget that overpowering perfume! It was Yanju, my cousin’s girlfriend whom I’d met in Nigeria, a few Christmases ago. From the sparkler on her finger, I could safely assume she was now the fiancee.
“Don’t worry, it only happened a few weeks ago” she gushed as she saw me look at the ring. “Congratulations” I said, trying to sound excited. “Thanks dear! I saw the pictures of your wedding on Facebook. It was so beautiful!!! I was so sad I couldn’t make it to London for the ceremony!!” she lamented. I nodded, with a polite smile, trying to remember if I had given Lamide a plus 1 invite, to begin with. “But you have to be at ours. September 13th!!! Save the date!!” she beamed “Don’t worry, it’s in the Seychelles!!” she added, as if that would make a difference to me. As I made a lame promise to attend, I saw her eyes wander to my stomach. “You got married in November, right?” she remarked.
I felt my jaw muscles clench, and my nostrils flare. Of course, typical Naija person helping me calculate how pregnant I ought to be. “You’ve always been so slim, I can’t even tell if there’s even anything going on in there!” she continued, laughing hysterically at her own joke. I gave a weak attempt at a laugh, before excusing myself, but not before being forced to save her phone number. Luckily, she was only in London for a couple of weeks, so I wouldn’t have to dodge her for too long.
As I walked out of the store, I felt all the benefits of my fresh air walk seep out of my body. Yanju had succeeded in reminding me that it HAD been 5 months since my weddings…in fact, it would be 6 months in a matter of days. And for the first time, I felt sheer panic!!!
I took my time walking back home, with so many things running through my mind. I would really like a Christmas Baby, but because I’ve had a longer cycle this month, it looks like, if i’m lucky, it might be New Year. Hey, anythime is ok…I just want one! And it would be a great excuse not to have to go to Nigeria for Christmas. Don’t get me wrong, there are fewer things I love more than visiting home. But the thought of being surrounded by very loving, but intrusive family, if I’m still TTC, or pregnant, makes me want to have a panic attack!
I made a mental note to ask Javier how possible it would be for him to get some time off work. A nice holiday would do us both a world of good! My mind wandered to some of my destinations of choice…Monaco wouldn’t be a bad idea. Or Rome. Or Cyprus. We used to travel a lot before…I wonder why we stopped. I made a mental note to schedule the trip around my ovulation window.
It’s so ironic! When I got pregnant last time, I knew nothing about ovulation, fertile cervical mucous, etc., and it worked…and we enjoyed it. It’s sad that it didn’t last, but I wish I could go back to being ignorant, instead of being so scared now. Sometimes knowledge is the enemy!
As I approached our home, I saw the lights were on, and for the first time today, my heart jumped. The thought of seeing my darling husband, my sugar boo boo, my toy boy, was enough to right everything that went wrong with my day!
AF – Aunt Flo (Period)
TTC – Trying To Conceive
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