Tayo’s Infertility Diary 16: Pink Dresses


May 13th, 2008

CD22 / 7DPO

The first thing I did this morning was to text Ugo’s number to Solape’s sister, Yinka. And with that, I feel my job is done! I have been as much of a friend to that girl as I possibly can! Outside of going to Naija to help her carry her pregnancy, there is nothing more they can expect of me!

As I got dressed this morning, I noticed 2 giant pimples on my chin!!! Yikes! I have a rather exaggerated chin already, so now I look like those witches in children’s books. I never get pimples, so I don’t know if this is something I should consider a symptom…

I battled with sleep for the better part of the day, no thanks to being rudely awakened in the dead of night. We thought we’d heard someone breaking into the house, and for the first few minutes, Javier and I couldn’t quite decide whether to hide in the safety of our room, or go tackle whoever it was. My husband eventually decided to go down on his own…only for us to realize it was just our new hanging basket, hitting the window pane and rattling it’s chain in the breeze!! Hissss!

Maybe as a result of the lack of sleep, I was also very irritable. I also had what I often refer to as “titty attacks”…shooting pains around my nipple. It happened at least 4 times today, and I wasn’t entertained at all!

All in all, it was a very bla day!


May 14th, 2008

CD23 / 8DPO

No symptoms today apart from the titty attcks, mainly to my right boob! I think I’m going to take a pregnancy test as soon as I’m 12DPO. I don’t think I can wait to be late this time. This 2WW has been extremely grueling, I have to say!

Midway through the day, I got an e-mail reminder from my friend, Ijeoma, reminding me of her son’s birthday today. Thank God for the reminder, or else it would have been an incredible goof for Tobenna’s Godmother to have forgotten his big day. And his 5th birthday, nonetheless! Because Ijeoma and her husband, Okey, didn’t want to have a full-on party, they had decided to have a small get together at home. She had told me their plan weeks ago, but I had allowed all the drama in my life (or rather, Solape’s life) distract me! So, as soon was able to get away, I clocked out of work and dashed, like a mad hatter, to Westfield Mall, as I remembered they have quite an array of toy stores.

I never would have imagined the kind of sadness that engulfed me, as I walked down that aisle, past all the colourful stores filled with children items. I can’t describe the pull that drew me to a store for baby clothes…as Tobenna is no baby. But yet, there I was. Looking at the beautiful body suits and rompers, in varying shades of pink, blue, green and yellow. And then I saw this beautiful pink dress, in cotton and tulle, with a matching pink bonnet….and I just stood there, and cried. I held the dress and wept for the daughter I might never have…for the children I might never carry in my womb.

And then, I felt a comforting pat on my arm. I looked beside me, and saw another customer smiling at me. Looking at her, I knew she understood.

“I used to do this as well. I would spend hours and hours at Mothercare…just looking…and wanting” she’d said “I always ended up buying something…every single time. And you know what? By the time I had my daughters, they all came in very handy” she then showed me a picture of the most adorable, cherub cheeked, twin girls you could imagine. “Of course, that has meant the girls have half of their wardrobe in blue!”. I couldn’t help but smile at her infectious laughter.

Apparently, she had had them through IVF. Giving me a parting hug, she whispered “I’d buy it, if I were you!”

And so I did! I bought that gorgeous pink dress, and 2 other lace dresses that caught my eye (one in white, and the other in fuchsia pink), and the cutest pink glitter ballerina flats…I just couldn’t help myself! All I wanted to do was BUY! By the time I was done, I left the store with five full bags. Looking at my watch, I realized I had under 30 minutes to buy Tobenna’s gift and get to his parents’ house in Stratford. Luckily, I made it through the skin of my teeth.

Ijeoma gave a curious look at my bags, after I’d handed Tobenna his gift, to which I shook my head and mumbled. “Don’t ask!”. With an understanding look (the pink tulle dress was visible from one of the bags), she had taken the bags upstairs to her room, for safe keeping.

I had worried that the birthday party would only make me feel worse, but it did quite the reverse. Being a Wednesday evening, there were, understandably, few of Ijeoma and Okey’s friends there, and the kids were even fewer…but it was such a fun small gathering, and the evening was full of jokes, games, laughter, and very good food. Ijeoma knows how to throw it down in the kitchen, and her smoky jollof rice and peppered snails always give me life! By the time Javier joined me there, at about 8pm, I had forgotten my earlier mood, and was having the time of my life!

Somehow, deep inside, I knew that that bag of clothes upstairs would be worn…by my baby girl…and very very soon too!




Catch up on Tayo’s Story here:

  1. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 1: The Beginning
  2. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 2: Little Drops…Big Drops 
  3. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 3: Time Keeper
  4. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 4: Don’t Faint…Don’t Look
  5. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 5: The Afterglow
  6. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 6: Irony
  7. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 7: Adulterer
  8. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 8: Catch 22
  9. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 9: Sister, Sister
  10. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 10: Goose Bumps 
  11. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 11: Gold Digger
  12. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 12: Peak
  13. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 12: Road Trip
  14. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 13: Emotional
  15. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 14: Awful Mess





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