Tayo’s Infertility Diary 69: I Dream of the Maldives!

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December 06, 2008

So, I finally gathered the courage to go to the toilet for a knicker check. Well, still white. Yay!

I don’t want to jinx myself, but this is unusual for me at 11DPO. I’m just hoping that when I check my CP later, there is no colour to the CM. I wish I couldn’t check, but I can’t not check. I just can’t help myself!

But the flip side of all this is that the backache just started and I have had faint cramps…so it could go either way really.

I’m staying positive.

If it’s a BFN, I refuse to let it get me down. What stresses me is the spotting. Talking about spotting, I have been a bit spotty for a week now, with some little ones on my neck, chest, cheeks and chin. I normally get one on my chin when AF is coming…but still. I refuse to be negative.

But to be on the safe side, I have a bottle of red wine and chocolate on standby.

 

December 07, 2008

Well…just as I thought. The spotting was internal last night, and then now when I wipe. Ah well. I’d managed to get my hopes up because it was late, so obviously I’m gutted…but trying not to linger over the sadness that I won’t have a Christmas BFP. It sure would have been nice though…

For good measure, I feel cold, snappy and have that pre-AF feeling I tend to get. It’s the 10th cycle since my miscarriage, and I know my body now. I’m going to go and get my antibiotics today. I didn’t want to take them just in case…well…you know. But I might as well now. Plus, I can drink all Christmas, and don’t have to be the driver as usual!

On to cycle 11. It’s been a year since we started trying. I’ve been reading the Zita West book Javier got me, and I’m going to try Evening Primrose Oil this cycle up to ovulation, as my ‘cervical secretions’ are rubbish.

But PMA! PMA!! PMA!!!

 

December 08, 2008

I can’t believe that Ugo is still texting me!!! I woke up this morning to a barrage of text messages from the guy. What kind of devil is this one?!

I tried to ignore him, until the 8th or 9th one came, reading; Why are you doing this to me, Tayo? You’re killing me! I can’t think of anything but you. Why are you running away from what we’re both feeling?

By this point, I’d had enough!

Ugo, please don’t text me again.

And then I proceeded to block his number. The cheek of that guy! After all we did to get him back with Solape, now he has her and he’s trying to come on to me???

Riding in the tube, on my way to hospital, I couldn’t help but think back to our time in Nigeria. Yes, there had been some level of attraction, I’m not going to lie about that. But it had been ever so fleeting, and never verbalized by either one of us. And as soon as we got back to London and I saw my Javier, whatever nonsense I thought I felt evaporated like a poof of cloud. This guy is dancing with fire, and it’s the very last thing I need now! I briefly toyed with the idea of telling Solape about what’s going on, but I nixed that idea as fast as it came. No good can come from doing that. None at all!

 

December 09, 2008

I’m still spotting, and so I feel like AF will appear any second…but she is actually due tomorrow. Spotting is such a pain! I’ve been wearing pant liners for 3 days, yet it hasn’t even started!

ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

In all of this, I’ll just keep thinking of our holiday in Maldives! We’ve had to postpone it to early next year, but it’s still something for me to look forward to.

 

December 10, 2008

CD1, Cycle 11 since MC

Well, AF is finally here properly, which I’m glad about. Once the spotting starts, I just know now that there is no chance of a BFP, and I need to get on with my new cycle. So believe it or not, I am actually ok. I’m still upset about work (my meeting with my manager was postponed), and am not looking forward to next week, but I will go in and speak to my boss, and if I can’t face it after that, I will get my doctor to sign me off until after Christmas.

I’m really excited about our holiday, and have worked out that if there is still no BFP by then, we might choose a date for when I’m ovulating. Maybe that’s the way it was meant to be?

Anyways, I’m actually looking forward to the start of a New Year in a few weeks. Too many ups and downs this year!!!

Roll on 2009!

 

 

For the TTC Newbie:

AF: Aunt Flo (period)

BFN: Big Fat Negative

BFP: Big Fat Positive

CM: Cervical Mucous

CP: Cervical Position

DPO: Days Post Ovulation

 

 

Catch up on Tayo’s Story here:

  1. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 1: The Beginning
  2. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 2: Little Drops…Big Drops 
  3. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 3: Time Keeper
  4. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 4: Don’t Faint…Don’t Look
  5. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 5: The Afterglow
  6. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 6: Irony
  7. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 7: Adulterer
  8. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 8: Catch 22
  9. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 9: Sister, Sister
  10. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 10: Goose Bumps 
  11. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 11: Gold Digger
  12. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 12: Peak
  13. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 13: Road Trip
  14. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 14: Emotional
  15. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 15: Awful Mess
  16. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 16: Pink Dresses
  17. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 17: My Love
  18. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 18: Summer
  19. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 19: Mindset
  20. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 20: High Street
  21. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 21: Bored, Fat, Sad
  22. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 22: Lessons Learnt
  23. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 23: The Dress versus the Tee-Shirt
  24. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 24: The Hen Night
  25. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 25: Minding my business
  26. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 26: Notice!
  27. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 27: Spotting & Shopping
  28. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 28: Messing About
  29. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 29: Wedding in Tuscany
  30. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 30: Lucky Girl
  31. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 31: The Rescue Plan
  32. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 32: Active Imagination
  33. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 33: Covered Bases
  34. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 34: Homecoming
  35. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 35: House Arrest
  36. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 36: Perfect Stranger
  37. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 37: Evil Genius
  38. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 38: Busy People
  39. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 39: Voltron Moves
  40. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 40: Swinging like a Pendulum 
  41. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 41: Back home
  42. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 42: Kinky Boo
  43. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 43: Divorce is not my portion!
  44. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 44: Get the behind me!
  45. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 45: Different Strokes
  46. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 46: How Far?
  47. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 47: The Pressure
  48. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 48: Yankee Virgin
  49. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 49: Sexy Mama
  50. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 50: The Big 40
  51. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 51: Wait & See
  52. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 52: Life is too short
  53. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 53: Work something out
  54. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 54: Hello Godmother
  55. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 55: A Beautiful Thing
  56. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 56: Raging Demands
  57. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 57: On the rebound
  58. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 58: Limbo
  59. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 59: Messed Up
  60. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 60: Penny Drop
  61. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 61: Robbed
  62. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 62: The other side of me
  63. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 63: Mama Drama
  64. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 64: Unfair
  65. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 65: Deny the chemistry
  66. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 66: Not that kind of guy
  67. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 67: Naija Pampering
  68. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 68: Pimped

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