Tayo’s Infertility Diary 47: The Pressure

0
969

August 14th, 2008

I’ve not been in a good place at all. I hope I snap out of it when AF has come and gone, and when work gets busy. There’s too much going on in my head, and my mood/thoughts fluctuate a lot. I spend too much time on my own and so I have too much time to think. I actually can’t wait for work to start now.

And as for Vegas, my Mother decided to pull one of her manipulative stunts! She knows what Natalia, my sister-in-law is going through with her impending divorce! She knows the girl is in a vulnerable state! But yet, my dear Mom convinced Natalia’s mom to convince her to come with us, not only to Vegas, but to Atlanta too! Natalia now called this morning, all happy and excited about the trip, and asking about our travel plans. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I hadn’t been planning on adding the Atlanta leg to our trip. So, I guess Javier and I…and of course, Natalia, will be doing Vegas and Atlanta!

Great! Just great!

I didn’t even consult with Javier, before reluctantly adding that leg to our travel itinerary. It’s best to just get it over an done with…especially as we have just 5 days till we leave!

 

August 16th, 2008

CD 30, 14 DPO

maxresdefault

Ok, AF is due today, and she is late! But two cycles ago, I had a 30-day cycle, so she’ll probably show anytime soon. Now, if you use the CBFM, you have to have full flow start by the end of your time slot, so you can call it CD1, so I presumed she’d arrive in the early hours, and so this morning I had all my CBFM study stuff ready, peed in the jug, and did the HPT you’re meant to do on CD1, to make sure you’re not pregnant. I didn’t read the instructions, and gave myself a good heart attack and thought I had a BFP! It was 6.30am, and I nearly woke Javier up! But it was actually the control line I was looking at, and it’s one of those ones where you’re meant to get a cross!

Hisss!

But I shouldn’t have done it really, as AF has not actually arrived, but believe me, I’ve got plenty of spares to do another. I have been spotting for 5 days now, but it is just when I wipe, apart from a few dots in knickers. I haven’t even had to wear a panty liner, which is very unusual. I have had a poke around, and it is all brown in there. I hate this, because until I get full flow, even though I know I’m out, there is always a part of me that hopes. I’ve had backache and been weepy/irritable, so all the PMS signs, so why do I still think there is a chance, especially as when I did get pregnant, I had no spotting?

I read about all these ladies getting faint lines that turn out to be nothing, and the very few times that I do test, I don’t get even a sniff or an evap line!

Frustraating much!

Aanyway, I have to go have a chat with Javier before he goes to work now. I owe him an explanation of my feelings I’ve been bottling up. I’m still weepy today, but I feel slightly better.

 

August 17th, 2008

CD1

I was getting my hopes up, even though i had cramps. Anyway, she’s showed, so it’s CD1 I guess. Although I wanted a BFP, I sort of feel better that the wait is over.

This is the 7th cycle since my miscarriage. Let’s just hope that 7 is our lucky number.

And what’s worse? I have actually become addicted to Guitar Hero on the Wii, and am even quite good at it, ironic, considering how gutted I was when I got it as a gift.

Anyways, I have ordered my Pre-seed, ready for a sexathon this month! There is one slight panic, as Javier is away for nearly all of September, apart from odd days, and he leaves as early as the 3rd, so I have to ovulate before then! Oh, the pressure sha!

 

Untitled

 

Catch up on Tayo’s Story here:

  1. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 1: The Beginning
  2. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 2: Little Drops…Big Drops 
  3. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 3: Time Keeper
  4. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 4: Don’t Faint…Don’t Look
  5. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 5: The Afterglow
  6. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 6: Irony
  7. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 7: Adulterer
  8. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 8: Catch 22
  9. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 9: Sister, Sister
  10. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 10: Goose Bumps 
  11. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 11: Gold Digger
  12. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 12: Peak
  13. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 13: Road Trip
  14. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 14: Emotional
  15. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 15: Awful Mess
  16. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 16: Pink Dresses
  17. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 17: My Love
  18. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 18: Summer
  19. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 19: Mindset
  20. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 20: High Street
  21. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 21: Bored, Fat, Sad
  22. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 22: Lessons Learnt
  23. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 23: The Dress versus the Tee-Shirt
  24. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 24: The Hen Night
  25. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 25: Minding my business
  26. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 26: Notice!
  27. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 27: Spotting & Shopping
  28. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 28: Messing About
  29. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 29: Wedding in Tuscany
  30. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 30: Lucky Girl
  31. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 31: The Rescue Plan
  32. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 32: Active Imagination
  33. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 33: Covered Bases
  34. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 34: Homecoming
  35. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 35: House Arrest
  36. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 36: Perfect Stranger
  37. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 37: Evil Genius
  38. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 38: Busy People
  39. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 39: Voltron Moves
  40. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 40: Swinging like a Pendulum 
  41. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 41: Back home
  42. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 42: Kinky Boo
  43. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 43: Divorce is not my portion!
  44. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 44: Get the behind me!
  45. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 45: Different Strokes
  46. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 46: How Far?

1+

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here