Tayo’s Infertility Diary 58: Limbo

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October 15th, 2008

Well, AF showed up eventually, and I’ve been having a really shite few days!

Work has been okay, at least better than recently, and after terrible cramps, AF is on the way out and so I am just tired…actually and figuratively!

On another note, Folly finally left on Monday morning. That had always been the plan, for him to leave before the kids came home. But as their father had chosen to break into their mother’s house a day before planned, he’d seen her lover, my brother, Folly. And the rotten person that he is, he had gone home to fill his children’s heads with all sorts of garbage. The result is that even though Folly had already left before they returned, they came back home with so much attitude and defiance, it ruined the reunion Natalia had been looking forward to. She, in turn, had been furious! Furious that her kids had been so quick to accept their father’s new girlfriend, but were all rankled at the mere thought of her having a boyfriend!

So, things are not the best in her household!

I wish I had the desire to help her fix things, but right now, all I can think of is how my body is letting me down…

 

October 17th, 2008

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I’m in a bit of limbo, not knowing what my next step should be.

Javier keeps saying silly things such as ‘this woman got pregnant when she fell asleep for 5hours after sex, and she’d been trying for 15months”, to which I answered that I actually sleep all night after we have sex, yet nothing has worked! Silly as the things he says are, at least he’s trying. It’s early in the cycle so no rush.

 

October 20th, 2008

CD8, HIGH

Javier is saying I have to lie still for 5mins evey night before i go to sleep, and thnk about how fertile I am, as we will do it this month! Awww, bless his pure innocent heart! If only it were that easy!

 

October 21st, 2008

CD9, HIGH

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Yesterday i had a pain at exactly 4pm, and I wondered if I could possibly be ovulating so early! The night before, I had a few twinges, and this morning the odd one too. I wonder what that is all about? Anyway, my monitor is still showing high, and the stick lines don’t show ovulation is too near.

I watched the Sex in the City movie again, with some new friends from work. Loved it, as always! Javier called me midway through the movie, to remind me to think about my fertility and prepare myself! He definitely must be a Zita West convert!

 

October 22nd, 2008

CD10, HIGH

Javier only wants to BD the day before ovulation this cycle, but i don’t agree with saving up the swimmers…so we will have to come to a compromise!

I have been having twinges for a few days now. I even, for one fleeting moment, thought could i be preggo? How desperate am I, so early in my cycle!

 

October 23rd, 2008

CD11, HIGH

We had a great morning BD session, and now I have to wait until Monday morning to get any more, as Javier is determined to save swimmers! Monday should be the day before ovulation, by my calculations. So unless my monitor tells me otherwise, I will have to be patient and not panic!

 

October 24th, 2008

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I’m so tired…and I think a bit of a cold is on the way!

Well yesterday, I had such a nice morning with Javier and I was able to forget my own sadness…until I was in bed. On Valentine’s Day 2008, I got my BFP in my first month of TTC and I was so happy but shocked. It didn’t last very long and sadly I had a miscarriage, and yesterday was the EDD.

As Christmas decorations now fill the air, all I want for Christmas is a sticky BFP!

 

October 25th, 2008

CD13, HIGH

So I get up this morning and pee in the pot and wipe…and there is clear stretchy stuff!!! EWCM? I haven’t had any for months!

Using my CBFM  stick, both the lines were faint, which I’m hoping means that my oestrogen is high (as it peaks before LH) and hopefully LH will rise and i willl get my PEAK soon.

On the visualisation thing, I have been really good and visualising my fertility, and a baby growing inside me, every night – just to please Javier, and in the hope that it does the trick.

So come on Christmas, I am visualising myself making excuses for turning down the champagne, wine and snowballs. I am seeing my happy and pregnant face. I am seeing me looking like Dolly Parton in my new dress (as my boobs will be too large!)

Hmmm! From my lips straight to your ears, Father Lord!

In other news, I got a strange text message from Ugo today.

Hey. Can we do lunch sometime?

Hmmm! Not today, devil. Not today!

 

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Photo Credits

  1. https://www.etsy.com
  2. http://images.fineartamerica.com

 

Catch up on Tayo’s Story here:

  1. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 1: The Beginning
  2. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 2: Little Drops…Big Drops 
  3. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 3: Time Keeper
  4. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 4: Don’t Faint…Don’t Look
  5. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 5: The Afterglow
  6. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 6: Irony
  7. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 7: Adulterer
  8. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 8: Catch 22
  9. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 9: Sister, Sister
  10. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 10: Goose Bumps 
  11. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 11: Gold Digger
  12. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 12: Peak
  13. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 13: Road Trip
  14. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 14: Emotional
  15. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 15: Awful Mess
  16. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 16: Pink Dresses
  17. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 17: My Love
  18. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 18: Summer
  19. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 19: Mindset
  20. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 20: High Street
  21. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 21: Bored, Fat, Sad
  22. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 22: Lessons Learnt
  23. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 23: The Dress versus the Tee-Shirt
  24. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 24: The Hen Night
  25. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 25: Minding my business
  26. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 26: Notice!
  27. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 27: Spotting & Shopping
  28. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 28: Messing About
  29. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 29: Wedding in Tuscany
  30. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 30: Lucky Girl
  31. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 31: The Rescue Plan
  32. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 32: Active Imagination
  33. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 33: Covered Bases
  34. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 34: Homecoming
  35. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 35: House Arrest
  36. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 36: Perfect Stranger
  37. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 37: Evil Genius
  38. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 38: Busy People
  39. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 39: Voltron Moves
  40. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 40: Swinging like a Pendulum 
  41. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 41: Back home
  42. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 42: Kinky Boo
  43. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 43: Divorce is not my portion!
  44. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 44: Get the behind me!
  45. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 45: Different Strokes
  46. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 46: How Far?
  47. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 47: The Pressure
  48. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 48: Yankee Virgin
  49. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 49: Sexy Mama
  50. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 50: The Big 40
  51. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 51: Wait & See
  52. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 52: Life is too short
  53. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 53: Work something out
  54. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 54: Hello Godmother
  55. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 55: A Beautiful Thing
  56. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 56: Raging Demands
  57. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 57: On the rebound

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