Tayo’s Infertility Diary 22: Lessons Learnt

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June 3rd, 2008

CD 15

I finally got a Peak reading on my CBFM! Yay!

I realised that the monitor would have been the same as last month but I set it it to CD2, to fit in with what my ticker says on Fertility Friends. I actually think I ovulated last night. Not that I’m an expert, but when we BD’d at around midnight, it was uncomfortable for me with Javier on top, as there was a lot of pressure on my abdomen. But I had a whole lot of EWCM…so I reckon that it must have been an eggie being popped. I also had tingles in my right boob all evening. I hope that was a sign!

During my lunch break, I decided to call my Mother-in-law to find out what exactly is happening with Mateo’s wedding. My Mom is right. By now, we should at least have made our travel and accommodation arrangements…at the very least. My dear Mother-in-law sounded just as exasperated as my Mother had. She informed me that the delay is coming from the bride’s side, as her family is still torn between two locations. Her maternal grandmother was Italian, and, apparently, some of the family members want the wedding to hold in her native Naples, whilst the bride is hung up about having it in Tuscany.

Na wa oh! Three weeks to the wedding sha?! Couldn’t they decide all this before? I trust my Naija people! One year before, the venue would already be on lock down!

Anyways, my Mother-in-law and I agreed that we would go ahead and book our tickets by the end of the week, regardless of if any decision has been made. How we will do that, I have no idea!

On my way home, as I walked to the station, I decided to call Natalia, to get her opinion on the matter. We had texted a few times after having lunch, 2 Fridays ago, but it just occurred to me that I hadn’t actually spoken with her since that time.

When I heard her voice, I knew that something was up.

After the initial chit chat, and us agreeing to box Mateo in a corner before Friday, so he could let us know where we would be booking our tickets to, I had asked her if she was okay…because she sure as heck didn’t sound okay! And then, she had dropped the bombshell!

She’d had an abortion.

My blood boiled. I was so furious, I could scream!!! The ungrateful cow! How dare she?! How dare she kill an innocent child, just so that she and her husband could be free to ‘live their lives’?! And yet, here I am peeing on my CBFM everyday, and killing all excitement from the act of having sex with my husband, just so that I could have what she had just flushed down some Gynaecologist’s toilet!

My heart wanted to spew all these things to her, to let her know just what I thought of her vile act, but all I could manage was “How could you?”

But even that had touched a raw nerve with her.

“Don’t you dare judge me! Don’t you dare!” she had erupted, to my surprise “What were you doing when you were 19 years old? Not changing diapers, I’m sure. And when you were 23, did you find yourself covered in vomit, with a house full of toddlers? And when you were 25, I’m sure you were busy party hopping, and not trying to figure out how to pay the bills!” her voice started to break “It kills me….what I have done is killing me…but I had no choice. I’m…we’re just getting our lives back. We can’t do it all over again…we just can’t…”

Despite myself, my heart had gone out to her. She was right. I had spent my 20s thinking of nobody else but myself. I hadn’t been burdened with the responsibility of taking care of children. I had thoroughly (maybe even a bit too much) enjoyed my youth, and don’t feel like I missed out on anything. But from the sound of things, Natalia and Keith clearly do.

So, she’s right! Who am to judge?

I ended the call with the promise to see her later in the week, and just walked, with heavy steps, to the station.

I don’t understand all these tests that are being thrown my way…I just don’t understand what lessons God is trying to teach me…because, clearly, He is trying to teach me something! Starting with Solape and her multiple baby daddies…to Natalia and her unwanted baby…there has to be something He has in mind, to keep throwing these missiles my way.

“Whatever it is, Lord…I think You should stop now…” I said, so quietly it was almost inaudible.

Because, I really don’t think I can handle any more of this…

 

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For the TTC Newbie

BD = Have Sex

CBFM – Clear Blue Fertility Monitor

 

Catch up on Tayo’s Story here:

  1. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 1: The Beginning
  2. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 2: Little Drops…Big Drops 
  3. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 3: Time Keeper
  4. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 4: Don’t Faint…Don’t Look
  5. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 5: The Afterglow
  6. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 6: Irony
  7. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 7: Adulterer
  8. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 8: Catch 22
  9. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 9: Sister, Sister
  10. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 10: Goose Bumps 
  11. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 11: Gold Digger
  12. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 12: Peak
  13. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 13: Road Trip
  14. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 14: Emotional
  15. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 15: Awful Mess
  16. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 16: Pink Dresses
  17. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 17: My Love
  18. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 18: Summer
  19. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 19: Mindset
  20. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 20: High Street
  21. Tayo’s Infertility Diary 21: Bored, Fat, Sad

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