I have seen so many instances of women who got pregnant to the displeasure of their man. For some, it was a case of, “Did I tell you that I wanted more children?”
For one mom, whose pregnancy resulted in a girl who is now eight years old, her husband went to report her to her elder sister, complaining about her fecundity; “Why is your sister like a pig nau? He had said in Yoruba. “Any time I touch her, she starts telling me about one pregnancy. Can’t one enjoy oneself without having babies? I have told her I don’t want any more babies, but she won’t listen. Let her do something about it oh. I can’t be having babies anyhow, they are too expensive.”
This man raved and ranted, even abandoned his family for a while. Everything he did while she was pregnant was done grudgingly. He used every opportunity to remind her that she was the one who wanted another baby, and not him. He told her of how he was satisfied with his two young sons and didn’t understand her need for another, more so, a girl.
It was not until that baby girl was born and handed to him, did he change his mind. From that very first moment, they bonded like no one else could have imagined. Even while a baby, that girl could twist her daddy round her tiny tweeny finger. He was so in love her, he started coming home early. He was more involved in her care, than he was with their older children; he wanted her in bed with them, even when he hadn’t wanted that with the boys.
Till date, that girl is the go-to person when daddy is proving stubborn about releasing some things. He just can’t refuse her; too bad for him and very good for everyone else. It is quite ironic that the child he had been most against its pregnancy, turned out to be the love of his life.
You need to see both father and daughter at times; the way he would always rest a proprietary hand on her shoulder, hold her hands. But I pity his heart during the teenage years. He is going to be oh-so-heart broken, because of the competition.☺
Another mom dealt with a man who went literally mute on her, upon hearing she was pregnant again, four years after they had decided they were done with babies.
Whether it was because he didn’t know what to say or how to say, only God knows, but for the longest time, they did not talk about the bun in the oven. Every time she tried to bring it up, he stood up and left.
It was when she started to show that he mellowed and started to pat her bump and talk to his baby in utero.
The story of the mom which got me worried most (because she wasn’t married), was that of a young lady who got pregnant for her boyfriend. They had even just started dating and it wasn’t a matter of it going beyond just dating.
She discovered, she was pregnant and the news started to fly about my neighbourhood. Her and the boy’s parents got involved, and then the next thing we heard was that the young man had travelled to London.
After a month, he came back home and everyone heaved a sigh of relief; he did not fly the coop after all, jilting his baby mama and leaving his aged parents to care for their grandchild.
When he was asked why he absconded, he said he needed time to think and chill. He finally accepted that he had been having unprotected sex with her and thus he was responsible for her pregnancy. I can just feel the relief that must have flooded the girl’s mind, considering she had kept the baby and not attempted to abort it, something which even the young man accepted was a possibility.
They have a baby girl now, who is so cute, she is a dream, and even more beautiful, they got married a few weeks ago at the registry.
In all honesty, women often feel connected to a pregnancy more and a lot faster than most men do, however in cases where your man is not receptive of the new addition to your family, you need loads of patience and some more to ease the situation. I can tell you for free that that was what got most of the mommas I mentioned through the periods when things didn’t look like they would work out.
However, you need to make your own decision about the pregnancy and stick to it. You have to settle with yourself what the outcome of the pregnancy would be.
When you have come to a decision is when when you can withstand whatever he throws at you. But if your mind isn’t made up, you can be swept either way by his emotions and all.
And what if he doesn’t eventually come around? What if you’re left pregnant without the support of the father? It is natural to give in to panic at moments and even waver, but then, remember you have already decided what you were going to do with the baby, so stay strong and believe me when I say you have strength you don’t even realise. You will overcome.
On the other hand, if he accepts but he might as well not have accepted responsibilities for all the support you get from him, or he completely discounts your opinion, it may be time to reassess the relationship anyway. This may not be the first time he has failed to hear you, or will fail overall.
Even when you have made a decision to keep your pregnancy, it’s normal to have mixed feelings about a pregnancy. Frankly, it’s weird not to waver between anxiety, excitement and elation. Your world is about to be turned upside down; filled to the brim with sleepless nights, dirty diapers and even occasional tantrums.
But it’s not all dreary as it sounds; your life is about to change for the better; giggle fits, countless “first” moments and cuddling naps. For the rest of your life, you will be someone’s mom. What a privilege that is!
And should you make the choice, no one should take that away from you. Not even the one who helped make that baby.
Godspeed and His strength to you all!
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