My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up. This is my story…
I think it’s best to start from the very beginning. When I was 29 years old, I got married to the love of my life. Sounds like a fairy tale, right? Well, it was anything but.
Babatunde (I call him Babs) and I had been dating for years, but our families vehemently forbade him to marry me, mainly because of our religious differences…I am from a devout Catholic family, whilst he is from one of the very well known Muslim families in Lagos. It was 5 years of tears, sweat, and blood…and just when it had seemed like our only option was to elope, his father had passed away. Thankfully, his Mother and siblings were easier to convince than his father had been. My parents were not excited about the matter, but eventually, they gave in, and Babs and I were finally a couple. Happily ever after, right? Wrong!
About 2 years before we got married, Babs started having problems ejaculating. We didn’t think of it much at the time. We were concentrating so much our family wahala, and then the upcoming wedding, and just assumed when things were more settled it would happen again.
But once we decided we wanted to start a family, it obviously became a bigger problem. It took nearly six months trying to convince my husband that this problem wasn’t going to ‘fix itself’, and get him to the see a doctor. That did not go well. The Doctor we saw was the most insensitive and unhelpful doctor ever! He insisted on seeing us separately, and the silly man actually insinuated that it was all my fault, and that I should make more of an effort…dress up a bit, and put some porn on to get him going. I mean WTF!!! I was in tears for days, and to this day I still have no idea what he said to Babs, during their own private session, because he refused to talk about it. It was months again before I could convince him to see another doctor, who might be more sympathetic.
We eventually saw another doctor, and she agreed it was a physiological problem, and went on to refer us to a Therapist. After having to wait through the entire months of August and September (the Therapist was away with his family, apparently), we finally met him, and he turned out to be a great guy, so we started treatment.
In those early days, I found it quite a painful process as well, and didnt always feel like Babs took it as seriously as he should. He once told me how he thought he had let me down, because he couldn’t give me what I wanted so much… a baby.
What made it even more frustrating was when people would constantly tell me to relax…and let it happen. Obviously, we couldn’t tell people what the real problem was, so we got inundated with all sorts of unwanted tips and advice. Our close family and friends knew we were having problems conceiving, but no one knew what the problem was. It just didn’t feel right telling them the details, and I knew that, deep down, Babs would rather they didn’t, even though he liked to give me the impression that it didn’t matter. I knew very well that it did!
Our consolation was that we knew what the problem was, and were finally getting the help that would hopefully get us our BFP! At least that was the plan.
What followed was nine years of stress, anxiety, frustration, dashed hopes, heartbreak, and then inexplicable joy.
This is my story…
November 3rd, 2008
My 32nd birthday.
But in the office, it was the lady who had just announced her pregnancy that was getting most of the attention. Don’t get me wrong, I got the usual cards, gifts, and even a few lovely cakes. But I couldn’t help but feel heart broken when I overheard all the congratulatory shouts that were coming from the next cubicle. I wasn’t sure which was worse? That she was the 3rd person that month to announce a pregnancy…or that it was her 2nd baby in the 3 years I had been TTC.
It was so hard to smile and congratulate her, when all I wanted to do was stand there and scream “It’s my turn!!”
With all the pregnant women around me, I knew there would be no escape from the constant baby talk. But I had to find a way to stomach.
That evening, I declined Babs offer to take me to dinner, and had instead chosen to just stay home. I knew I that, by so doing, I had destroyed his birthday plans for me, but at that point, I didn’t even care.
I also found myself struggling with a deep resentment for my husband. We were still undergoing treatment for his issue, and it was just so frustrating! Why on earth couldn’t he just ejaculate??! He had no problem doing that in the early years of our courtship, when we used to run helter skelter, ironically trying not to conceive. What on earth was behind his inability to just release??! He had no problems getting an erection. Why was it so hard to just come already?!!
My patience had started wearing thin….
My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.
Morayo’s Mountain is published every Tuesday and Thursday, at 9pm