April 12th, 2009
Easter Sunday! In years past, it used to be one of my favourite holidays. But I don’t think I have recovered from Christmas, and all the pregnancy questions, direct and indirect, that got thrown our way, during the numerous family gatherings! So, we decided to keep it quiet for Easter, and just stay home.
Apart from that, there’s not much else to report. Babs and I tried to take advantage of the holiday, by staying indoors to have as much sex as we could. But for where?! No success!
He has finally agreed that next month, we can try assisted reproduction somehow. Probably with him masturbating into a cup. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I am very disappointed it has come to this, but also excited that we will be actively trying at long last!!
That said, can’t help feeling like we have failed a bit.
I’m sure this feeling will pass, and then I can get really excited about finally being actively trying.
April 16th, 2009
Today, I went to the pharmacy, and bought almost every prenatal I could lay my hands on, in anticipation of our assisted cycle. I’m still not feeling happy about it. It’s really strange.
Babs and I went out for dinner last night, and I asked him if he thought we should wait another month, but he was surprisingly eager to start right away. I have been wanting this for years, but now that it is time for it, I don’t feel at all prepared! I guess, deep in my heart, I never really believed it would come to this.
Hopefully I am just feeling emotional because my period is on the way. I hope…
I need a hug. I feel like such a failure…
April 19th, 2009
So, something strange happened yesterday. My period started, but it lasted less than an hour. So very strange. I have no idea what happened. I was in agony all day yesterday, but other than that one hour of spotting, there was nothing. Nothing today either, and the cramps have disappeared too. What the hell is going on?!!!! This has never happened before.
And today, our day has been really horrible. Babs’ grandmother passed away this afternoon. She was nearly 93, but she hadn’t been ill, or sick, or anything…so it was a bit of a shock. We were told she just died in her sleep, which was a lovely way for her to go, but still enough to make everyone sad about it. We had to quickly go to her Lagos Island home, for the interment, which had to be today, and that in itself was extremely stressful.
Getting back home, I got an e-mail from a former colleague of mine, telling me that she had an up and down Easter, because she found out she was pregnant, and then lost it. Why tell me?! She knows I am having problems with TTC, and she isn’t a friend particularly. I really don’t know what she is expecting of me. She drives me insane. I tend to be open with our TTC struggle, and tell people that we have been trying for years but there are problems, just so that they can use a bit of sensitivity. But no! People will always be people, I guess! This same woman was talking to me a couple of months ago, telling me she wanted another baby (she has three boys) but didn’t know if she should try for one, because she really wants a girl, and doesn’t know if she would be disappointed if she had another boy. You can imagine saying that to a woman struggling to have even one baby!
Okay, rant over!
I just want my period to start properly, as I really want to get it over and done with, so we can move on with our assisted reproduction.
This evening, Babs said he is sure that it will happen for us soon, especially with his Grandma having passed away. I have never heard my husband muse about anything spiritual, so I was surprised to hear him talking about reincarnation.
As much as I love a baby, I’m not sure I want to have Iya Agba reborn in my home oh!
Anyways, about this my missing period matter. Whilst chatting with my online friends, one of them asked if it could be possible for me to be pregnant. Hmm, that would be a miracle in itself, wouldn’t it! He hasn’t ejaculated inside me at all this month, so unless it has happened with pre-cum….
Not totally impossible…but very, very unlikely I think.
We’ll just have to wait and see…
My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.
Catch up on Morayo’s story here:
- Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
- Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
- Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
- Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
- Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
- Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend