Morayo’s Mountain 50: Defeat

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December 19th, 2012

Well, I think I’m ready for Christmas now. Just the fresh food left to buy.

Nothing much to report here. AF due tomorrow, but at least it will be out of the way for Christmas and means I’ll be ovulating on New Year’s Eve, which would be an amazing time to conceive, so I shall mainly be seeing the New Year in with lots of sex!  :haha:

Oh hell, who am I kidding. I’ll be jumping him from boxing day onwards just to make sure!! LOL!

 

December 24th, 2012

little-girl-clip-art-75f5162ee7d890c94657bb143091fffa

I should have listened to my gut and stayed home. But oh no, I just had to stop by my parents’ house.

My 5 year old niece – “Aunty Morayo, do you have any children?”
Me – “No darling”
5 year old niece – “Why not?”
Me – “I just haven’t”
5 year old niece – “Can you have some for next Christmas so I can play with them?”
Me – “I’ll try sweetheart”

Needless to say, that conversation pretty much ruined the rest of my day. What a way to enter Christmas…

 

December 28th, 2012

I dreamt I was pregnant last night. I hate those dreams.

I have pretty much been a hermit this Christmas. After what happened at my parents’ house, I haven’t dared venture out, and I have lied to anyone wanting to stop by. Babs got frustrated yesterday, when I refused to go for dinner at his sister’s house, but I just can’t bear any more pity, questions and taunts.

I just need this Christmas to be over with already!

 

December 30th, 2012

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I had the most overwhelming feeling in the car today. Just a BANG  “You’re going to me a mum” moment. Really hard to explain. I haven’t ovulated yet, so I’m definitely not pregnant. But I felt the colour drain from me as the shock of realisation hit. It’s very odd and I’m probably not explaining it very well. But it’s a comforting thought though.

Should hear about the loan in the next week or so. That’s scary too. I really don’t want to do IVF again…but can’t wait to start either. Does that make any sense?

Well, in other news, my parents LOVED the photo book I made for their 40th wedding anniversary today. Mum cried the second the paper was unwrapped! She just sent a text to say it is a really thoughtful present, and they can’t stop looking at it.

That definitely put a smile on my face!

 

December 31st, 2012

Well that’s another year over. Nothing changed. No baby. No bump.

It’s also been 8 years since my niece grew her wings, aged 2 days. For some reason, this year I thought about her more than I have in previous years. It seems no time at all since she went, but also feels a lifetime ago. Her mother, my sister, has other kids now, but I’m sure she misses her.

Her passing was very traumatic. They knew she wasn’t going to survive from the 12 week scan, but wanted to give her a chance. She did well to fight for two days after she was born, but as she grew her wings on New Years Eve, none of them have felt the same since. On a positive note, her parents have two rainbows now that I absolutely love to bits. So, we thank God it all ended well…and we’re left with only the memories of her.

Ah well…roll on 2013! Be good to me.

 

January 3rd, 2013

I’ve had some stabbing pains for a few days. Maybe ovulation pain? Who knows!

I called the woman dealing with our loan application. No answer. So I e-mailed her and got an out-of-office automated reply. No idea when she is back at work.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I’m so pissed off with waiting

 

January 5th, 2013

empty-room-by-tobo

We’ve made the decision to decorate the spare room. It hasn’t been touched since we moved into the the house in 2004. We always said the first time we did it was when we were making it into a nursery. Even though we didn’t start TTC until 2005, it was going to be the nursery from the minute we bought the house.

Now we can’t leave it fallow any longer. It is rank in there, and desperately needs a coat of paint and some TLC.

It feels like I’m admitting defeat.

But I can’t afford to do that…

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

 

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
  12. Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
  13. Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
  14. Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
  15. Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
  16. Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
  17. Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
  18. Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
  19. Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
  20. Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
  21. Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
  22. Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
  23. Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
  24. Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
  25. Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
  26. Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
  27. Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
  28. Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
  29. Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
  30. Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
  31. Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
  32. Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
  33. Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date
  34. Morayo’s Mountain 34: I can’t do this
  35. Morayo’s Mountain 35: Seriously?!
  36. Morayo’s Mountain 36: Panic Attack
  37. Morayo’s Mountain 37: No attachment
  38. Morayo’s Mountain 38: Rollercoaster 
  39. Morayo’s Mountain 39: Broken
  40. Morayo’s Mountain 40: Holiday BFP
  41. Morayo’s Mountain 41: I need a hug
  42. Morayo’s Mountain 42: Light at the end of the tunnel
  43. Morayo’s Mountain 43: I don’t need Anti-Depressants
  44. Morayo’s Mountain 44: A New Year
  45. Morayo’s Mountain 45: I just have a feeling
  46. Morayo’s Mountain 46: Seven Years
  47. Morayo’s Mountain 47: We can’t afford it on our own
  48. Morayo’s Mountain 48: The Loan
  49. Morayo’s Mountain 49: Another Christmas

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