Morayo’s Mountain 47: We Can’t Afford It On Our Own

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October 29th, 2012

I really hate Mondays at work.

They’re just full of meetings and people trying to look smart. I truly hate them…especially after I’ve spent all weekend longing for a baby.

I’m beginning to sound like a broken record…

 

October 30th, 2012

I’m still feeling rubbish. Sooooo tired. So worn out with everything. I’m hoping it is just because AF is due tomorrow and I’ll pick up after that.

I mainly just want to hide under the duvet and stay there until the world ends…

 

November 2nd, 2012

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Babs and I applied for a loan, so we can progress with our long-postponed IVF cycle. I’m so scared. Scared we won’t get the money…and scared we will. I’m mainly terrified that we will get it and it won’t work. This really will be our final chance. There’s no way we can afford it on our own.

 

November 4th, 2012

Well, the paperwork for the loan is all completed. So now, it’s the waiting game. Fingers crossed for us!

 

November 7th, 2012

One of my friends on maternity leave brought her baby to work this afternoon. I had to cuddle the baby because the mother dropped her on my lap. Then I had the whole team saying stuff like that, “You should have a baby, they like you!”
“How come you don’t have a baby. You’re a natural!”

I know they meant well, but it just took me to all the wrong places! I’m so tired of wanting and longing! When will it be me??!

 

November 9th, 2012

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I think I might need to quit my job until I actually get pregnant. Well, I wish I could afford to…

So, I mention to my colleagues there is a serious lack of alcohol in my bloodstream at the moment. It was just a joke, mainly because everyone has been busy, so we haven’t been out for a while. Only for me to start getting all the “Ooooh! Why is that then?”, and the not-so-discreet looks at my stomach.

When will I learn with this lot?! And why do they have to assume I’m pregnant just because every other woman in there is.

I’m actually quite fed up!

 

November 16th, 2012

It’s amazing how quickly the year has sped by!

It was Babs’ birthday yesterday, so I was busy Wednesday night baking cupcakes for him to take to his office. Then, last night, we were out for a really nice meal.

Besides that, it’s all good here. It’s been busy at work but I’m looking forward to the weekend.

Tonight, I’m sneaking into my parents house (well, not breaking, as I have a key). It’s their 40th wedding anniversary at the end of the year, so I want to scan a load of pictures of them over the last 40 years and make a photobook. It’s been so hard getting access to their house to get the photo albums without them knowing. Especially with Dad being so ill. It feels like there is always someone home!! But they are going out for a meal tonight with their friends, so it will be perfect.

The rest of the weekend is all mine to do what I want with! I can hardly wait!

 

November 18th, 2012

Well, the mission failed!

Dad’s friend got stuck at work late, so their dinner got called off.  I need to have a word with my parents about security when I’ve done what I need to though. I managed to stomp through their compound with laptops, scanners, etc. and open their door, rummage through the house, with no one noticing. That cant be good!

 

November 19th, 2012

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I’ve taken tomorrow afternoon off because my siblings have finally found a way to distract our parents. They were faffing around for so long, which is why I decided to do it on my own, but now that they are helping, I just could pull it off!

I registered for a new zumba class at the gym, and it was sooooo much fun. It’s really hard because this instructor obviously has her own dances, and I didn’t know any of them. I went with my friend from work who had her baby in June. I really felt sorry for her. None of the others from work have kept in touch with her apart from me, and yet she’d expected everyone but me to keep in touch. Na wa o! I tire for these my colleagues! If I can send the odd text asking how her and the baby are, I can’t see why the others haven’t.

I guess deep down inside, I’m not that much of a bad person…abi?

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

 

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
  12. Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
  13. Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
  14. Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
  15. Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
  16. Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
  17. Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
  18. Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
  19. Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
  20. Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
  21. Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
  22. Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
  23. Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
  24. Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
  25. Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
  26. Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
  27. Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
  28. Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
  29. Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
  30. Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
  31. Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
  32. Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
  33. Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date
  34. Morayo’s Mountain 34: I can’t do this
  35. Morayo’s Mountain 35: Seriously?!
  36. Morayo’s Mountain 36: Panic Attack
  37. Morayo’s Mountain 37: No attachment
  38. Morayo’s Mountain 38: Rollercoaster 
  39. Morayo’s Mountain 39: Broken
  40. Morayo’s Mountain 40: Holiday BFP
  41. Morayo’s Mountain 41: I need a hug
  42. Morayo’s Mountain 42: Light at the end of the tunnel
  43. Morayo’s Mountain 43: I don’t need Anti-Depressants
  44. Morayo’s Mountain 44: A New Year
  45. Morayo’s Mountain 45: I just have a feeling
  46. Morayo’s Mountain 46: Seven Years

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