February 25th, 2012
I’ve had the best couple of days!
Dinner with my girlfriends on Thursday was great. Great food, interesting conversation and plenty of laughing. I then came home to find my Babs had arrived home from his work trip a day early!!!
Then yesterday, I had a day off work and went shopping with my mum, who decided she was going to spoil me rotten!!! She bought so much foodstuff and groceries, I could hardly fit all the bags in the boot of my car. I also talked to her in a way I haven’t for ages. I told her how bad things had got, how much of a struggle this last year had been, everything!! I just really offloaded everything. I’m not sure it was a good idea, but I feel sooooooooooooo much better.
Last night was dinner out with my team from work. It was really nice. It gave us a chance to do what we never get time to do in the office, and just chat!!! Plus, I got told I’d won some award and will be getting a N20k gift voucher. So excited. More shopping!!!!
February 26th, 2012
Well…nothing lasts forever! I’m having the AF from hell! I’m tired, weepy, grumpy and in pain. I should have known the feeling was too good to last…
September 24th, 2012
I haven’t written in this journal for so long. The last few months were so disappointing, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. For one thing, Babs didn’t get that promotion, and we weren’t able to raise the money for IVF in April May.
Now, five months later, nothing much has changed. We still have no money for IVF. Babs has had two SAs recently and they both suck. His sperm count instead of improving seems to be worsening each time.
But I just have a feeling that something is going to happen soon. I can’t explain it…I just feel it
September 25th, 2012
I’ve been having the same dream…repeatedly.
I keep seeing this young boy, waving one of my insemination cups at me and shouting that he can get here and he only needs one sperm to do it. Crazy, right?! But it was so vivid, I could remember every single detail when I woke up. This is not even counting the other vivid dreams I have, where I’m pregnant, including one very random one where I was trying to hide my bump behind a beach ball while walking around Shoprite.
Plus the Michele Buble song Haven’t Met You Yet keeps following me around. Everywhere I go, I hear it! It’s uncanny. Almost like nature is trying to tell me something. Or is it just all in my head?
And then to add to the weirdness, a woman at work, who I don’t even know very well, stopped me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she’d dreamt I was pregnant! It was so random that I didn’t even feel offended by her forwardness.
Something great must be on the way!
September 27th, 2012
Today was my shortest session ever with my counsellor. She actually told me I seemed happy today. That has to be some kind of record! LOL!
For the first time since we started our sessions, I didn’t want to talk about infertility today. I don’t know how to explain this, but I just feel good. I want to look forward. Good things are about to start, so why not get excited about them instead of looking back.
She did say we could talk about other things, but she was worried that it would drag me down. I haven’t been formally discharged yet. She is going to keep me on record until November, and if she hasn’t heard from me then she’ll formally discharge me.
I wonder if this means I’m normal now?!
October 2nd, 2012
I think I’m going to stop shouting about how happy I am…I almost always seem to jinx it!
Last year, we had a lung cancer scare with my mum (she’s been a heavy smoker, and started coughing up blood). After a stressful couple of weeks of X-rays, CT scans and blood tests, they finally diagnosed pnuemonia. I said I never wanted to go through anything like that again, but as soon as she got better, my dad fell ill, literally two days after mum got the all-clear.
They suspect leukemia. I almost laughed when I heard. Like seriously?! How much more can one family go through?! I’m so, so scared. I keep thinking that we got lucky with mum, but surely we can’t be that lucky again with dad. And I am such a daddy’s girl. We’ve got to wait three weeks for the bone marrow test results, so I wonder how we’ll be able to cope.
On the TTC front, there hasn’t been any news. It will be 7 years next week since we started trying. But 7 is a lucky number, right? So something will happen soon. I’m sure of it!!!
My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.
Catch up on Morayo’s story here:
- Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
- Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
- Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
- Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
- Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
- Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
- Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
- Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
- Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
- Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
- Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
- Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
- Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
- Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
- Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
- Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
- Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
- Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
- Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
- Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
- Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
- Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
- Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
- Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
- Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
- Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
- Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
- Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
- Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
- Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
- Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
- Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
- Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date
- Morayo’s Mountain 34: I can’t do this
- Morayo’s Mountain 35: Seriously?!
- Morayo’s Mountain 36: Panic Attack
- Morayo’s Mountain 37: No attachment
- Morayo’s Mountain 38: Rollercoaster
- Morayo’s Mountain 39: Broken
- Morayo’s Mountain 40: Holiday BFP
- Morayo’s Mountain 41: I need a hug
- Morayo’s Mountain 42: Light at the end of the tunnel
- Morayo’s Mountain 43: I don’t need Anti-Depressants
- Morayo’s Mountain 44: A New Year