Morayo’s Mountain 45: I Just Have a Feeling…

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February 25th, 2012

I’ve had the best couple of days!

Dinner with my girlfriends on Thursday was great. Great food, interesting conversation and plenty of laughing. I then came home to find my Babs had arrived home from his work trip a day early!!!

Then yesterday, I had a day off work and went shopping with my mum, who decided she was going to spoil me rotten!!! She bought so much foodstuff and groceries, I could hardly fit all the bags in the boot of my car. I also talked to her in a way I haven’t for ages. I told her how bad things had got, how much of a struggle this last year had been, everything!! I just really offloaded everything. I’m not sure it was a good idea, but I feel sooooooooooooo much better.

Last night was dinner out with my team from work. It was really nice. It gave us a chance to do what we never get time to do in the office, and just chat!!! Plus, I got told I’d won some award and will be getting a N20k gift voucher. So excited. More shopping!!!!

 

February 26th, 2012

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Well…nothing lasts forever! I’m having the AF from hell! I’m tired, weepy, grumpy and in pain. I should have known the feeling was too good to last…

 

September 24th, 2012

I haven’t written in this journal for so long. The last few months were so disappointing, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. For one thing, Babs didn’t get that promotion, and we weren’t able to raise the money for IVF in April May.

Now, five months later, nothing much has changed. We still have no money for IVF. Babs has had two SAs recently and they both suck. His sperm count instead of improving seems to be worsening each time.

But I just have a feeling that something is going to happen soon. I can’t explain it…I just feel it

 

September 25th, 2012

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I’ve been having the same dream…repeatedly.

I keep seeing this young boy, waving one of my insemination cups at me and shouting that he can get here and he only needs one sperm to do it. Crazy, right?! But it was so vivid, I could remember every single detail when I woke up. This is not even counting the other vivid dreams I have, where I’m pregnant, including one very random one where I was trying to hide my bump behind a beach ball while walking around Shoprite.

Plus the Michele Buble song Haven’t Met You Yet keeps following me around. Everywhere I go, I hear it! It’s uncanny. Almost like nature is trying to tell me something. Or is it just all in my head?

And then to add to the weirdness, a woman at work, who I don’t even know very well, stopped me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she’d dreamt I was pregnant! It was so random that I didn’t even feel offended by her forwardness.

Something great must be on the way!

 

September 27th, 2012

Today was my shortest session ever with my counsellor. She actually told me I seemed happy today. That has to be some kind of record! LOL!

For the first time since we started our sessions, I didn’t want to talk about infertility today. I don’t know how to explain this, but I just feel good. I want to look forward. Good things are about to start, so why not get excited about them instead of looking back.

She did say we could talk about other things, but she was worried that it would drag me down. I haven’t been formally discharged yet. She is going to keep me on record until November, and if she hasn’t heard from me then she’ll formally discharge me.

I wonder if this means I’m normal now?!

 

October 2nd, 2012

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I think I’m going to stop shouting about how happy I am…I almost always seem to jinx it!

Last year, we had a lung cancer scare with my mum (she’s been a heavy smoker, and started coughing up blood). After a stressful couple of weeks of X-rays, CT scans and blood tests, they finally diagnosed pnuemonia. I said I never wanted to go through anything like that again, but as soon as she got better, my dad fell ill, literally two days after mum got the all-clear.

They suspect leukemia. I almost laughed when I heard. Like seriously?! How much more can one family go through?! I’m so, so scared. I keep thinking that we got lucky with mum, but surely we can’t be that lucky again with dad. And I am such a daddy’s girl. We’ve got to wait three weeks for the bone marrow test results, so I wonder how we’ll be able to cope.

On the TTC front, there hasn’t been any news. It will be 7 years next week since we started trying. But 7 is a lucky number, right? So something will happen soon. I’m sure of it!!!

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

Photo Credits

  1. https://mayhemandmuse.com

 

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
  12. Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
  13. Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
  14. Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
  15. Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
  16. Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
  17. Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
  18. Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
  19. Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
  20. Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
  21. Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
  22. Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
  23. Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
  24. Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
  25. Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
  26. Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
  27. Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
  28. Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
  29. Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
  30. Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
  31. Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
  32. Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
  33. Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date
  34. Morayo’s Mountain 34: I can’t do this
  35. Morayo’s Mountain 35: Seriously?!
  36. Morayo’s Mountain 36: Panic Attack
  37. Morayo’s Mountain 37: No attachment
  38. Morayo’s Mountain 38: Rollercoaster 
  39. Morayo’s Mountain 39: Broken
  40. Morayo’s Mountain 40: Holiday BFP
  41. Morayo’s Mountain 41: I need a hug
  42. Morayo’s Mountain 42: Light at the end of the tunnel
  43. Morayo’s Mountain 43: I don’t need Anti-Depressants
  44. Morayo’s Mountain 44: A New Year

 

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2 COMMENTS

  1. I’m glad you are happy, i was grinning as i read along…..we need to remain positive and live happily while we wait. 7 years is indeed the number of perfection, i pray the Lord perfects all and grants your desires….. :hugs:

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