January 7th, 2012
Happy New Year, I guess!
Babs and I decided we didn’t want to be a part of our usual family Christmas carnival, so we spent the holidays in Ghana, in the most beautiful little beach hotel ever! For once, I was able to spend Christmas day enjoying sun and sea, and not having to watch children run around all over the place!
For starters, I was right about my manager. She is having fertility problems as well. Which is great, in that I have someone who understands and will be supportive. The bad side of that is I overheard that she confided in someone about both of our problems, all in the name of crying on someone’s shoulder. Some confiding that turned out to be, as it soon leaked into the office’s gossip domain. I was sooooooo angry. While I’ve never been overly secretive about my problems, I think it should have been left to me as to who and when I tell. That said, I still have to work for the woman and nothing can be done to undo the goof.
Apart from that mishap, I had my counselling appointment this week. Apparently, I am depressed enough to require it!! I didn’t even know that the first meeting was to assess that! It’s been really weird since the appointment. I’ve had to face a lot of things I’ve been burying for a long time. the counselling might actually make things worse before they get better.
As for when we cycle, I change my mind from day to day!! Sometimes, I feel okay and want to go a.s.a.p, and then the next day I’m a wreck who wants to wait until I’m a bit more sorted!!!! But I’m 35 now and really want to do another cycle before I turn 36. I think I might wait a couple months and then see how I feel!
February 19th, 2012
I think we are nearly ready to go with the next cycle of IVF. Just making sure we have all the money we need and then we can get booked in. Eeek, so so so scared, but really excited as well! I’m not sure exactly when we’ll start. Next two or three months, I hope.
We thought we would investigate adoption as well, just in case it doesn’t work out. I have a lot of reservations about it so just wanted some information really, which is why we’ve even started asking around in the first place.
February 21st, 2012
I’m so down today. My close friend is 23 (ish) weeks pregnant, and her bump is looking massive today. I’m so happy for her but sooooooo jealous as well. Life just isn’t fair.
I’ve been telling myself that even though I am jealous of her today, in a few months she is going to be jealous of me because I get to sleep all night, leave the house when I want, go out and party without worrying about babysitters, etc.!! But who am I fooling?!
I just have to plan lots more fun things to do! I told my boss that our team isn’t gelled at all, and it means she isn’t getting the best out of them. She asked what we could do to sort it and I suggested getting people to socialise together. Three guesses who got to organise that!! But I used to do it for our last team, and it worked really well. Those nights out were the only time we got to talk to each other!!!!
Anyways, to add to my sorrows today, AF is on her way and I’m all hormonal and weepy…
February 22nd, 2012
I think I’m better today! I was so busy at work, I didn’t have time to be anything else!!! And I didn’t see my pregnant friend at all.
I worked out to my Zumba DVD after work. it was great fun, with loads of new dances which just equals falling over, getting stuff wrong and laughing a lot!! Plus my boobs are sooooooo sore today (thanks to PMS), so I had to hold them every time I did a star jump. Not sure I burned enough calories, but it sure was enough to cheer me up tonight!
Here’s to hoping the PMA extends for the next few weeks!
My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.
Catch up on Morayo’s story here:
- Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
- Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
- Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
- Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
- Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
- Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
- Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
- Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
- Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
- Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
- Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
- Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
- Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
- Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
- Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
- Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
- Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
- Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
- Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
- Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
- Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
- Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
- Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
- Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
- Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
- Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
- Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
- Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
- Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
- Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
- Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
- Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
- Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date
- Morayo’s Mountain 34: I can’t do this
- Morayo’s Mountain 35: Seriously?!
- Morayo’s Mountain 36: Panic Attack
- Morayo’s Mountain 37: No attachment
- Morayo’s Mountain 38: Rollercoaster
- Morayo’s Mountain 39: Broken
- Morayo’s Mountain 40: Holiday BFP
- Morayo’s Mountain 41: I need a hug
- Morayo’s Mountain 42: Light at the end of the tunnel
- Morayo’s Mountain 43: I don’t need Anti-Depressants