January 30th, 2009
When we first started this journey, we asked the second doctor we saw asked about the possibility of trying IVF…since we were having problems doing the deed. She hadn’t wanted to discuss it then, and had referred us to the Therapist, to get the problem sorted. But sometimes, I wonder.
Several times, I have tried to discuss assisted conception with Babs, but he is so reluctant, and so positive that we will get there the natural way. I wish I had half of his PMA sometimes, because if we aren’t having sex, how on earth are we supposed to get pregnant the natural way??!!
At the moment, we are agreed that if he doesn’t start ejaculating during sex by the end of March, then he will go to see a doctor. But, I am hopeful that we won’t need to.
The Maca has made a huge difference. I have no idea how, and perhaps it is all in his head, but he has been ejaculating every way (short of intercourse) so easily this last month, which is more than we have managed in years. I just need him to take that next step now!! We stopped, because that was what we did with the therapist, which was to take things one step at a time, but instead of properly mastering one stage before going on the next, we sort of rushed through, which is why I think it didn’t work properly.
February 10th, 2009
Hmmm! Things are beginning to look up!
Well, I am pretty sure I am ovulating this period. Babs has agreed he is up for some sex tonight…as in real intercourse! And I am feeling really nervous!
I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because I know we are so close to finally managing to get him to ejaculate through sex. This could be it. This could finally be our month. I’m so nervous…but excited at the same time!
February 11th, 2009
Nope. Didn’t work. I was SOOOO convinced that last night would be the night. It was so difficult to pretend that I was fine that it didn’t happen. I had a really long, horrible night. I just couldn’t sleep. I just wanted to go back in time and kill his family!!!
Okay, here is what was revealed during one of our earlier therapy sessions, and it was so scandalous that this diary is the only place I will ever repeat it. The Therapist believes Babs’ problems stem from the fact his Mum had affairs when he was young, and then his sister did when she was older and in her own unhappy marriage. When Babs had said this, I had almost fainted! It had taken everything in me to reign in my surprise. Alhaja??! Affairs? Yes, she was one of the man’s younger wives, and yes, he had been much older than her (there was a 35 year age difference between them), yet, I never would have thought it. But apparently, that was their family’s not-so-hidden secret, as her affairs were not as discrete as they should have been. Unfortunately, his step-sister, Fati, had also married an older man, and soon news of her own indiscretions made their way to her family’s ears. Wonderful!
I didn’t, and still don’t, fully appreciate why this would be enough to affect Babs that way, but the mere fact that it is a possibility is enough to make me resent them even more.
Anyway, back to the matter. I called the Therapist today because, even though we have been officially discharged, he is really lovely and always ready to listen. I feel a bit better now, and have resigned myself to another month where it isn’t going to happen.
No wahala! God dey!
February 13th, 2009
I’m not really sure what other support is available to us, because we seem to have tried just about everything. Doctors seem to be at a loss as to what to do with us, and who can blame them?!
Babs insists that we were the closest we have ever been, the last time we tried. I believe him, because I actually believed he had ejaculated…only to find out he hadn’t. But he says he was very close. So, I guess there’s hope…
Now I am all set for the most romantic Valentines Day known to man!!! I have it all organised. Lots of gorgeous food (thanks to good ol’ Chinese takeaway), sparkling wine already chilling. I’ve even dug out my most uncomfortable underwear. Side bar…why is the sexy stuff always the most uncomfortable?!?! And I have bought lots of scented candles.
So if it doesn’t work this weekend, I am going to demand that Babs refunds me, because I have spent a small fortune on this Vals day! LOL!
My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.
Catch up on Morayo’s story here:
- Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
- Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
- Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things