Morayo’s Mountain 38: Rollercoaster!

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October 19th, 2010

Nearly there!

Egg collection is booked for Thursday morning. It’s hit me how real this all is now. Feeling really tearful, and I had a massive fight with Babs, and now we aren’t talking…and I am terrified about EC.

Remind me again why I didn’t just fill the house with little kittens and never tried to become a mother?!

 

October 21st, 2010

I’ll be going in tomorrow to have them both put back in, hopefully, they would have survived the night. What a bloody rollercoaster!!!

I’m just about ready to go to the hospital now. I’m feeling soooo nervous, and trying to convince myself it is quality not quantity, because I have a feeling there won’t be all that many eggs!

I had the strangest dream last night. In the dream, when I went in for egg transfer they had two really tiny crystal snowmen sitting in a petri dish. How random is that!!!

 

October 22nd, 2010

PetridishRJ

It was a disaster.

One mature egg and one immature egg. That is all they managed to get. All the follicles in my left ovary had disappeared.

I discussed things with the embryologist and she said because Babs’ sperm count had improved (count 19 million and morph or motility, can’t remember which, was now at 13%.) we could go for IVF. Their cut off for IVF is normally 15% but we were borderline, so we could go for it if we wanted. She said that would give the immature egg time to potentially mature overnight.

Gutted isn’t the word. I am prayful there is still some hope but, realistically, I know there isn’t much.

 

October 23rd, 2010

Yesterday, I got a call from the embryologist. The immature egg had matured overnight and they fertilised.

By the time I went in today to have them both put back in, my only hope was that they survived the night. What a bloody rollercoaster!!!

Anyways, by this evening, I was PUPO!!!

I have one perfect four -cell grade A embie and a two cell fragmented one. But as it has fought so hard to get this far we felt it was only right to give it a chance.

So. Now we wait.

 

October 26th, 2010

It just doesn’t feel at all real. I don’t feel excited, nervous, hopeful. Anything. I have gone back to being really detached. I’m back at work now, which is good, keeping me busy and my boss is being a sweetie at keeping me stress free!!

Testing still feels soooooo far away yet though.

 

October 30th, 2010

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It’s been one week since ET and it is going soooooo slow! Still got 9 days to go until the official test date. Not that I am going to last that long. I am thinking I’ll probably test next Saturday. That will be day 14, so a test should be pretty accurate by then.

I’m still getting cramps but no other symptoms at all. I just want to know now. This has to be the worst 2ww wait ever!!!

 

October 31st, 2010

I spotting this morning. I’m trying to stay positive, and think it is implantation bleeding but the AF cramps are quite strong now.

So scared.

 

November 1st, 2010

I’m sure it’s over now. The spotting has changed to heavy flow now, and cramps are unbearable. There’s no way a little eggy could hold on with that. My heart is truly broken…

 

November 2nd, 2010

I’ve spoken to my doctor. He agrees that it sounds like it is over now. But on the million to one chance it isn’t, I have to keep going with the progestrone until Friday and test then.

But I know it is over. I’ve had enough AF’s in my life to recognize that this is what this is.

I feel like I am stuck in limbo at the moment. Still bleeding, although it has reduced a lot from yesterday.

I just want to get that BFN so I can move forward with my life! Until then I am just waiting.

 

November 3rd, 2010

anxiety-and-depression-gemma-correll

Tested and as expected, and I got a BFN…

I’m broken and shattered. It’s horrible being in limbo. I’m broken and truly do not have the courage to move on. I don’t know what to do…

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

 

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
  12. Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
  13. Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
  14. Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
  15. Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
  16. Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
  17. Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
  18. Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
  19. Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
  20. Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
  21. Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
  22. Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
  23. Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
  24. Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
  25. Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
  26. Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
  27. Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
  28. Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
  29. Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
  30. Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
  31. Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
  32. Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
  33. Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date
  34. Morayo’s Mountain 34: I can’t do this
  35. Morayo’s Mountain 35: Seriously?!
  36. Morayo’s Mountain 36: Panic Attack
  37. Morayo’s Mountain 37: No attachment

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