Morayo’s Mountain 34: I Can’t Do This!

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July 5th, 2010

This waiting is killing me!

Nothing going on with the TTC side of things. I hadn’t heard from the clinic with all the information they promised to send me by the end of June, so I called them today. The nurse dealing with it all had been on holiday and only got back today, so she will send it out this week. Selfish me was left wondering how dare they have holidays and lives of their own. Don’t they know we are living and breathing this TTC horror on a daily basis!!!

Babs and I spent most of the weekend drunk, and convinced ourselves it was our last booze-fest before we start IVF. I regretted it on Sunday, but I have to admit that it was a really amazing weekend!

 

July 7th, 2010

I’m due to ovulate in the next couple of days but really can’t be bothered to have any sex (if you can call it that). It just seems so pointless when the IVF/ICSI is so close.

My PMA is taking a seriously long holiday…

 

July 12th, 2010

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We finally got the info through from the clinic today. It’s a bit overwhelming. Babs and I need to talk through things we haven’t thought about, like what happens with any embies if one of us dies…or we break up.

We also got a DVD instruction for the injections as well. So scary. Although one of Babs’ friends’ wives is in the middle of her first IUI cycle, and she has been e-mailing me a bit and promises me they aren’t as bad as one would think they will be. And she has a zero pain threshold, so if she can do it I guess I will be fine!!

I’ve still got zilch PMA. No chance whatsoever of a miracle this month. Not unless a seriously bright star appears and three shepherds start wandering to Ikeja…

Yeah…I’m feeling very sarcastic…and not in a good way!

 

July 16th, 2010

I start the pill when AF arrives, anytime between 10th August and 3rd September. Then Egg Collection and Embryo Transfer are expected to be in the week beginning 18th October.

Someone at work asked me if I had anything special planned for my day off, and I told them my life was too dull so I was off on a drug taking course to liven it up a bit. They laughed assuming I was joking. My mum always said the best way to keep a secret was to tell the truth!! Seems she was right.

 

July 19th, 2010

We had a great weekend. The sun was shining and we spent loads of time in our garden; gisting and daydreaming about our future…and the new additions to our family.

However, I had a lot of PMS this weekend and I’ve got cramping now, so I am predicting that I will be in for an early AF this month. I can’t say I am bothered.

We filled out all our consent forms this weekend. Seems strange to start preparing for IVF by planning what you will do if you die, go insane or break up. But I guess they are just trying to protect themselves.

 

July 24th, 2010

Only 4 days to go!!!

I’ve got my brother’s kids coming to stay tonight. They have no nanny, and the person who was supposed to watch them has let them down, and they already had a party planned. I can’t say I am looking forward to it. Ah well…I guess I have to start practicing, no?

 

July 25th, 2010

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I can’t do this.

What is the point?! My niece and nephew have just left, and they have driven me insane!! They have the attention span of a goldfish and need sooooo much patience. I spent all morning yesterday cleaning my house, and they destroyed it within an hour. I was counting down the hours until they went. They screamed, fought, argued, broke things and whined non-stop.

I know people say it is different when it is your own, but what if it isn’t?! I’m not sure I want to take the risk.

 

July 26th, 2010

Well, I’m feeling a bit calmer today. I think it was a combination of things yesterday that caused the meltdown. AF is late and I am feeling hormonal. I’m stressed waiting for Wednesday. I also didn’t sleep because the kids were here. Bab had a good time laughing at me. I tossed and turned because I could hear them, and then I panicked because they were quiet and I was convinced they’d killed themselves in their sleep! So I’d have to get up and check they were breathing!!

I phoned my mum last night and blubbed down the phone at her for ages. As always, she managed to calm me down and made sense of the world again.

I’m still not feeling 100% sure that I am doing the right thing. Hopefully I’ll feel better when it gets a bit closer.

Not sure what they hell is going on with my cycles at the moment. In 12 months they have gone from 24 days to now 29 (assuming she comes tomorrow!) It now means I won’t start the pill until end of August.

No worries. I won’t let anything get me down. Upwards and onwards!

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

 

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
  12. Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
  13. Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
  14. Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
  15. Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
  16. Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
  17. Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
  18. Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
  19. Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
  20. Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law
  21. Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming
  22. Morayo’s Mountain 22: Those Swimmers are Mine
  23. Morayo’s Mountain 23: What ever happened to Karma?
  24. Morayo’s Mountain 24: The Year of the BFP
  25. Morayo’s Mountain 25: Not ready for motherhood after all!
  26. Morayo’s Mountain 26: Happy Little Bunny
  27. Morayo’s Mountain 27: Mothers Day Blues
  28. Morayo’s Mountain 28: It only takes one
  29. Morayo’s Mountain 29: Of Sperm…and Wine
  30. Morayo’s Mountain 30: Up and Down
  31. Morayo’s Mountain 31: Evil Witch
  32. Morayo’s Mountain 32: The Angels are telling me something
  33. Morayo’s Mountain 33: Start Date

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