Morayo’s Mountain 21: Baby Dreaming

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November 3rd, 2009

Happy Birthday to me!

33 years old, 4 years as a TTC woman, and with nothing to show for it.

I was totally not in the mood for anything today. I didn’t go to work, because I was not in the mood for all that nonsense birthday fuss. But as I didn’t want my family, or even Babs to know, I drove out in the morning, but drove right back home, as soon as Babs left for work.

And so I sat in my living room, watching TV, eating ice cream, and feeling sorry for myself…till Babs came home. I had already told him I wasn’t up for anything big, so he brought some take away home, along with the perfunctory birthday cake, and he did his best to put a smile on my face.

I pray my 34th birthday isn’t like this…

 

November 14th, 2009

My OPKs, insemination cups arrived today, along with a complimentary copy of a Pregnancy & Birth magazine. Blurgh. I guess it was good they warned me, so I could be prepared for it.

I’m really not sure what we should do this month. Is it even worth trying, or should we wait and see what the Fertility Specialist and test results come back and say?!

I think I need chocolate….

 

November 15th, 2009

We have an appointment to see the Fertility Specialist on Tuesday, at 5:30pm. I’m a bit up and down about it. Today, I am mainly nervous but happy things are moving forwards.

Fingers crossed, I guess.

 

November 17th, 2009

Well, what a waste of time that was! I am soooooo angry with our Doctor. He didn’t refer us to the Fertility Specialist, to discuss IUI, as we had asked (and which he agreed to do).

The appointment was to check there isn’t a physical reason for Bab’s ejaculation problems. We know there isn’t!!! It’s in his notes that it isn’t physical…its psychological!

The guy we saw confirmed what we already knew, and agreed we should see a Fertility Specialist, because surgery won’t help him. At this rate, I have a good mind to go look for a fertility clinic myself, and not wait any longer for these jokers!

I really wanted to have a good cry, but Babs is blaming himself and feeling so guilty, so I am trying to stay positive for him. Thankfully, there is wine to help!! Oh, and the fact that Babs didn’t think this morning, and wore his brightest, vilest boxer shorts, with Oscar from Sesame Street on them. The doctor who did the physical exam just raised his eyebrow, and Babs stuttered they were a birthday present. It gave me a much needed laugh! But only just!

 

November 18th, 2009

I’m trying to feel more positive today. Its not working, but at least the work involved in making the effort is keeping me busy!

So, back to trying with the cups again. I keep forgetting to take my temperature in the morning, or to use my OPK’s, so holding out zero hope this month. It’s probably a good thing. The less hope there is, the less disappointment you feel when the inevitable happens.

 

November 20th, 2009

I’m guessing from this morning’s temp, that I’ve ovulated early again this month, and missed it! Ah well!

To be honest, it might not be a bad thing to have missed it. It would be nice to have a month of no symptom spotting and obsessing, for a change. I am definitely post ovulation though. My CM has changed to creamy, and I have a wind problem that can rival even Babs’!!!! No other symptoms yet, but not sure when I ovulated because of missing a few temps and OPK’s.

But I’ve got the best kind of weekend ahead. Absolutely nothing planned. I do have loads of things I can do, but the sweet part of the whole thing is that none of them HAS to be done. I can’t wait to just l-a-z-e!!! Babs is out for football all day tomorrow (I have never quite worked out why a 90-minute match means he is out for six hours!!!!), so I can be as lazy as I like.

 

November 22nd, 2009

I’m not sure what happened to my lazy weekend!!! I turned into a domestic goddess yesterday. The house was cleaned top to bottom, I did all of the ironing, and I cooked for the week! But I actually enjoyed it. I think it was because I knew I didn’t have to do any of it!

Not sure what is going on with the 2WW. I’m pretty sure I am 4DPO today. I also had a bit of spotting this morning. It was a really tiny amount, and it has stopped now. But 4DPO is too early for it to be anything important, isn’t it?!

 

November 23rd, 2009

Where is a dream analyst when you need one?

I dreamt last night that I gave birth to a little baby boy. I remember being in the hospital giving birth, and then holding him, walking up a hill to go home. When I got home, I put him in a Moses Basket, and when I turned around, he was lying on my bed, laughing. Every time I picked him up and put him in the basket, he magically appeared on my bed, laughing at me.

It’s very strange that I could remember every detail of the dream when I woke up, because I hardly ever remember my dreams. But what does it mean???

Well, I choose to interprete it as positive…because whether this TTC thing likes it or not, I’m going to beat it!

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain 11: Botched Cycle
  12. Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself
  13. Morayo’s Mountain 13: Broody
  14. Morayo’s Mountain 14: Confused and Confuddled
  15. Morayo’s Mountain 15: Another Two Week Wait
  16. Morayo’s Mountain 16: One More Cycle
  17. Morayo’s Mountain 17: Back to the Doctors
  18. Morayo’s Mountain 18: We’re going to beat this thing
  19. Morayo’s Mountain 19: Live to fight another day
  20. Morayo’s Mountain 20: Nightmare Mother-In-Law

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