December 15th, 2008
The last month has been hard…very hard.
After almost a year, the therapy for Babs’ ejaculation problem has ended. There isn’t any more he can do. We just have to keep trying and putting all the techniques he taught us into practise. It still isn’t happening, and to be honest we haven’t even been trying.
It has just been too hard for me. And because we both know how it will always end, both our libidos have dried up! There’s only so much one can take of getting turned on, only for him to pump and pump, before sadly losing his erection. We now almost inadvertently expect failure and disapointment.
So, bottom line, we aren’t having sex. And for people trying (and I use the word trying loosely) for a baby, it’s like wanting to eat a meal, but not bothering to cook, or even order take-away. So, here we are…just sitting at home, and waiting for the food to drop in our mouth…except, of course, it isn’t!
Last night, we had a long heart-to-heart, to discuss how this is affecting our relationship. It’s so ironic, because this is us who fought tooth and nail…just to be together! Weaker women would not have been able to withstand the teasing and taunting I got from his family, especially when Babs’ dad was still alive. Even now that we are married, and especially considering we are in our 3rd childless year, I still get the odd eye roll and sarcastic comment from one of his many family members. And Babs also didn’t have it easy with my family either. And now, this ejaculation problem is threatening to tear us apart. I am finding it more and more difficult to cope…and my resentment has been building over the months…I love my Babs with all my heart, but sometimes, when we’re trying one of the very many crazy recommendations our Therapist has given us, and are not achieving any success, it makes me want to just push him off me, and scream in frustration!
Anyway, we’ve agreed to stop focusing on getting that elusive BFP for now. Babs has started taking maca, because we think that part of the problem is that the desire just isn’t there at the moment which, coupled with the pressure to release, is making it all too much. Hopefully the effects of the Maca will kick in soon and then we can start having sex just for the fun of it, and hopefully get the results we want.
So, until both our libidos improve, we have decided to abstain from sex, and just enjoy each other…the way we used to…when our love was still young and fresh. Apart from the fact that it will just prolong the time before we get our baby, I’m looking forward to rediscovering our love again…to be able to cuddle up, and enjoy a good old snog, without the pressure of what comes next!
Our love…God punish infertility for trying to make me forget about our love. I fell in love with Babs the minute I heard his voice on the phone. I was in my 3rd year in University, and had just been dumped (with a capital D) by the jackass boyfriend I had been deceiving myself for the 2+ years I had spent in Unilag. We had been an unlikely couple, my ex and I. I was the studious, efiko, girl…and he was the charismatic club boy. I ignored everyone’s warning and advice, and had thought I would be the one to make a decent man out of him. Well, the only thing I gained from that sham of a relationship was a shattered heart, battered reputation, and broken hymen! I was still smarting from the devastation of that relationship, when my friend had gotten the bright idea to give her cousin my phone number…to cheer me up, she’s said. I was so furious when she told me what she’d done, as the last thing I needed was another man…not after losing everything that was dear to me to a douche bag! But she had done it anyway…and her cousin (Babs) had called anyway…and I had spoken to him anyway…
You know that famous line from the Tom Cruise movie (Jerry Maguire) that says “You had me at hello”? Well, that was the case with Babatunde and I. He had me at hello! As soon as his smooth, silky, British accented voice, wafted through my telephone receiver (those were the pre-GSM days), I was butter in his hands! And when we met the next day, my loser ex was immediately ancient history! This incredibly handsome, polished ajebutter man made my ex look like a mechanic!
We had sat in his car, that first day, and had talked for hours!!!! Apart from the obvious physical attraction we had for each other, we connected on a level I didn’t think existed outside of the trashy Mills and Boone novels I read as a teenager. He became my everything…my lover, my best friend, my confidant, my mentor, my life coach, my everything! And when all the drama had started with his family, I was more than prepared to fight it to the end. Nothing was going to make me lose this gift God had specially packaged and gift wrapped just for me!
Remembering the old days had made me determined to try to make this work. This man is my soul mate, and no matter what it takes, I’m going to be here till the end. Someway, somehow, we’ll beat this thing!
My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.
Morayo’s Mountain is published every Tuesday and Thursday, at 9pm
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