Morayo’s Mountain 12: Psych Myself

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June 1st, 2009

Well, so much for not symptom spotting!!!

I was feeling really sick for this afternoon, so I finally gave in and stopped struggling, and was actually sick. I had such a violent vomiting episode, it wasn’t even funny. The funny part was thinking it could be a symptom, so I did a HPT (home pregnancy test), and, surprise surprise, I got a BFN at 4DPO! Such a shock!!! LOL!

It almost seems like I have to make things symptoms to give myself hope, because I don’t have any genuine ones at the moment. Not a single one. But I do have major PMS though. I shouted so much at one of my junior colleagues at work, that I had to call back and apologise, when I calmed down. That was very unlike me.

My temperature has dived down to coverline, even though I woke up sweltering…so I am pretty sure I am out this month. I don’t know why, but I just had a feeling this wasn’t going to be our month.

But I am determined next month WILL be our month!!!!! Amen! Amen!! Amen!!!

 

June 5th, 2009

Again, I had no symptoms at all today, and, again, another BFN. I think I might wait a while before I test again.

I haven’t had the greatest of days. The guy who sits opposite me announced that his wife is 16 weeks pregnant (and they only just found out). She is due the day after another pregnant girl in our team, so all I have had all day is the two of them talking babies (second child for both of them).

It’s not fair!! I was supposed to be next! It is MY turn!

Thank heavens it is the weekend, and I can escape it all for a couple of days…

 

June 6th, 2009

I told myself I wasn’t going to get my hopes up this month, or go symptom spotting…as I didn’t get a positive OPK, and we hardly managed anything this month (and probably what we did was at the wrong time).

Well…that didn’t last long!!!

I tested on 4DPO, when I was sick…and once I started, I couldn’t stop!!!

There has been no sign of a line at all. I wasn’t sure if there was one this morning, so I stared at it for so long, and in so many different lights, that I gave myself a headache. I honestly don’t think there was one though. I just stared at it so long, I was seeing things that weren’t there!!!! I ended up throwing it in the big bin outside, to stop myself going insane, and taking it out of the bin in the bathroom every half hour to look again!!!

This TTC sha!

I had a tiny bit of spotting this afternoon. Very tiny. And boobs are starting to get sore. But they do that occasionally when AF is on her way.

I’m still convinced this month isn’t our month. I’m honestly fine with that, but if it’s AF, I want the evil witch to be gone quickly, so that we can try again!!

 

June 7th, 2009

I’m driving myself insane. Every sensible part of me knows that it won’t be this month, but there is that tiny voice of doubt at the back of my mind! I wish AF was here, so I could relax for a bit!!!

 

June 9th, 2009

The witch arrived this morning. I knew she was on her way. I knew I was out this month. So why am I so gutted and disappointed??

Why does it hurt so so bad?

 

June 13th, 2009

Well the evil witch has left now! Mercifully, it was very quick and light this month. So now, we are going to be all ready to go. I have a huge box of insemination cups, and we are going to try Preseed this month.

I have DECIDED it just has to happen this month. I am due to ovulate on Father’s Day, and test day will then be on Bab’s birthday (12 DPO). That has to be a sign right?!!

 

June 17th, 2009

I hate this limbo period between AF and ovulation. It’s so b-o-r-i-n-g!!! But the irony is that I finally had a lot of EWCM today, but was not in any mood for sex.

Hmmm. Well, I couldn’t have that now, could I?! Whaaaat?! I had to psych myself oh, sharply!

We managed to do it. Twice even! Once the normal way (without success), and then again with the insemination cups. I even put some effort in, despite my not feeling like it.

It’s so odd, because everything I have read says your libido is supposed to go through the roof around ovulation. Well, mine always packs a suitcase and buggers off somewhere remote!

But, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do.

 

My name is Morayo. I’m a TTC Warrior…and I’m far too stubborn to give up.

 

Catch up on Morayo’s story here:

  1. Morayo’s Mountain 1: TTC Warrior
  2. Morayo’s Mountain 2: Soul Mate
  3. Morayo’s Mountain 3: Grateful for the little things
  4. Morayo’s Mountain 4: Family Secret
  5. Morayo’s Mountain 5: Fed Up
  6. Morayo’s Mountain 6: The Weekend
  7. Morayos’ Mountain 7: Missing Period
  8. Morayo’s Mountain 8: A Problem Shared
  9. Morayo’s Mountain 9: Insemination Cups
  10. Morayo’s Mountain 10: Obsessed
  11. Morayo’s Mountain: Botched Cycle

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