She looked at me with her big eyes, and as I spoke to her, she smiled. Her smile caught my heart, and suddenly a yearning for a baby was born. Yes, I know the agreement my husband and I had was for three kids, and we have already exceeded that, but the craving would just not go away.
At that very moment, I would not have minded the antenatal clinic visits. I would not have minded the sleepless nights that come with breast feeding. I would not have minded the expenses from diapers and baby food. Exclusive breast feeding mums will have to excuse me. I look ill when breastfeeding, so I need the support of other milk apart from my breast milk…but I digress.
After reading the last paragraph, you are probably thinking that I am already pregnant. No, thankfully, it only lives in my imagination and is fed every week, when I go to church to see all the ‘fine fine’ babies.
These babies around me are all in good health, well fed, well dressed, and all often reaching out for me to carry them. Sometimes, I even feel like I’m a baby magnet. I have had babies who would just fix their eyes on me, making me wonder what they do see in me. When I was overwhelmed by my babies, I was paranoid that maybe they could see another baby???
But now, that I can breathe easier, I love the attention of the babies and, of course, carry them if they show any sign of wanting me to, and if their parents are disposed to it. Otherwise, we engage in a staring combat and plenty of smiles.
When the craving hits badly, I put my three year old son or daughter on my back and enjoy the feel of having a baby again. When neighbours ask me why I’m doing that, I tell them, it is because, they are feeling poorly. But it is not the same, and it is not a dream or craving that I will want to come to pass. I don’t think I will be able to deal with the reality, if it ever happened. This is a craving that I have never discussed with my husband because I already know his reaction; you say what?
That was the same reaction of my sister’s husband, when she told him she was pregnant after seven years and two boys. He was like, “But we had agreed to stop having any more kids after the boys.” After some stuttering explanations, the man calmed down and now they have a daughter, whom he calls his princess.
It had been an order when they had their second child, that they were done. He had had enough kids and wanted to concentrate on taking care of them. My sister still felt that they could balance things out by adding another child, but she agreed, saying “Yes, we won’t be having baby anytime soon, but I don’t want us to close the door on ever having another one.”
That was how she managed to escape having to conform to that order. Fast forward seven years later, she discovered she was pregnant. Perhaps she stopped the contraception she was using, or perhaps what they were using failed…I’ll never know. What I do know is that she was pregnant, and that her husband’s reaction was not accepting at first, but thankfully, he soon came around.
While this man came around, another man once told me that the day his wife told him she had removed the Intrauterine Contraceptive Device (IUCD) ring she was using as her preferred contraception method, he started sleeping in his study. “I cannot go through that stress again.” The stress he was referring to is the stress of pregnancy, as his wife is one of those women who get very sick whilst pregnant, which would leaving him having to manage the house and kids. Even with their twin sons and daughter, his wife apparently still wanted more. I don’t know whether he has resumed sleeping in their bedroom or if she has adopted an alternative contraception method, but I have not been called for a christening ceremony, so it is safe to assume, they were able to reach a compromise.
Sometimes, our broodiness can get overshadowed by the fear of losing the stability we have managed to attain in our lives. After having her twin girls, Nicole tells everyone who cares to listen about her craving for another baby, but she has been postponing her Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) for over 2 years now. Whilst she longs for the joys of carrying another baby (or babies 😉 ), she panics about losing her new found independence, now that her girls are older and of school age. But I’m one of those who think she should go for it
As for me, my craving still exists but the truth is my baby crave will remain a dream… whilst yours will come to pass.
Baby dust to all!
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