Let’s face it, it’s hard enough keeping the fire in any long term relationship. Add to that the strain of TTC, and it becomes an even more difficult situation. Men are generally spontaneous creatures, and thrive on the thrill of impromptu sex. Having to introduce a calendar and a stop watch most definitely do not add to the excitement. For us women, even though we are often the instigators of TTC sex, sometimes we end up seeing the act as a chore…something that needs to be done, not necessarily enjoyed. But this doesn’t have to be the case. You can still have hot sex with your partner, even whilst TTC. Here are some useful tips:
1) Always look the part
Okay, I don’t mean you have to wear sexy negligee every day of the week. Far from it. I have been married almost 7 years, and I know that it is not reasonable to expect me to wear sexy nightwear 7 nights a week, 52 weeks a year. No. Sometimes, you are allowed to wear more comfortable nightwear…and this is acceptable. BUT, and this is a big but, even if you are in flannel pants and a t-shirt, or your favourite Mickey Mouse night dress, please let them be clean and ironed! It is highly unacceptable to walk around the house looking like Rumplestiltskin, or with food stains adorning your outfit. No way. Yes, you are going to bed, and yes you are trying to be comfortable, but you need to try to look good for your man. Brush your hair! And those hair nets?! Sigh! True, we women, especially black women, have hair issues. When we’re going to bed, we just want all that hair out of the way! And for those of us who have to wrap our hair overnight, it’s almost impossible not to wear some sort of night cap. If you must wear a wrap cap, or hair net, please tie a pretty scarf over it. This presents a far more appealing outlook…trust me! And as for those wrappers that are tied around the chest or waist….girl, hell no! Those contraptions should not enter your bedroom! Not only do you look a hot mess in them, you won’t be doing your breasts any favours!
2) Always smell nice
Don’t underestimate the power of the sense of smell. When you smell inviting, your man will want to snuggle up even more. I tend to recommend sweet smells, not too powerful for night time. And I don’t mean perfume. A good, fragranced bath gel and / or moisturiser would do. But don’t pick what YOU like, instead choose a fragrance your husband likes. My husband likes sweet scents, so I tend to gravitate towards the vanilla and fruit based body butters from The Body Shop and Bath & Body Works. Flori Roberts Cream is another favourite. Whichever you choose, use it after a nice bath, and you’ll see that the seduction process works better.
3) Don’t Nag
Yes, you are in the last day of your fertile window, but this is no reason to put him on a tight leash. Men don’t react well to pressure and ultimatums, and more times than not, nagging and quarrelling will only lead to huge fights which don’t always lead to sex (but sometimes they do…and this kind of sex is usually hot 😉 ). If he’s running late, or is watching football on TV, or has friends over, let your body do more of the talking. Deploy the flirtation tactics that got him hot for you in the first place, which could be subtle (especially if you two are not alone), or overt (full on trash talk he can read on his phone, which will make him dump everything and run home). Always remember that yes, it’s for a specific reason, but it still needs to be fun 😉
4) Spice it up
Whether TTC or not, you just have to spice it up! This is a cardinal rule. It doesn’t matter that you orgasm faster this way, or he prefers it better this way. Sticking to these “favourite” positions and techniques, will soon turn them from favourite to b.o.r.i.n.g!!! Be as adventurous as you can, and make him excited about the prospect of sex with you. If he knows that he always has something to look forward to, he won’t shy away from sex, even if you have a calendar pinned on your head.
Yes, this is more for you. To ensure this remains a pleasurable experience for you, you must absolutely not forget about foreplay! No matter how impatient or hurried you both are, you absolutely must not skimp on this. When you enjoy sex better, so does he!
6) Take him by surprise
Sure, it’s great to plan sex as a team, but my own experience has shown that I got better results when my DH wasn’t expecting it. True, most of our partners are aware enough about our cycles to know when we are ovulating, but if you don’t limit initiating sex to only this period, he won’t immediately smell a rat. Translation is that regardless of where you are in your cycle, you should make a habit of surprising him sexually. You could give him a glorious wake up call, a bathroom surprise, or any other thing you know will blow his mind. Trust me, very few men will be able to say no.
So, good luck, my people! Keep keeping it HOT!
With references from: