Last night, my husband told me what was probably one of the chilliest stories I have ever heard in my life and definitely the chilliest story I have heard in this TTC journey.
According to the hubby, on Sunday morning, he got a call from his friend. For the sake of this post, let’s call his friend Kofi. Kofi wanted to know if hubby knew a specialist in the government hospital because his friend who we will call Emmanuel had been rushed to the hospital.
As at last night, Kofi called my husband to inform him that Emmanuel had passed away. In shock, my husband asked what exactly happened to Emmanuel and this is what Kofi told him.
Emmanuel and his wife Mary had been married for two years and trying actively to conceive. Emmanuel travelled to another town for work activities and on Saturday, Mary confirmed that she was ovulating so she called her husband and whined till her husband agreed to drive home so they can have sex. Emmanuel got home, made love to his wife and blacked out after that and last night, Emmanuel died. As at now, we do not know exactly what killed Emmanuel but that is not the point.
This story made me think of my friend Felicia. Felicia and her husband, who have been married for two years and actively trying to conceive as well. Felicia has been very frustrated of late because she claimed her husband was not taking their TTC activities seriously.
According to her, her husband has recently been promoted to management position at work and has to take a few courses to better equip him for his new position. What irritates Felicia is that, her husband always gets home too tired to eat, let alone think about making a baby and because of this; she has resolved to give him the silent treatment.
Often, when a woman wants a baby, her life revolves round her ovulation period. I am guilty of that and I am sure almost all of us have been guilty of that at one point or the other. We do not often stop to realise that there are two people involved in the art of baby making. Two people with different state of minds at any given time, two people with different energy levels at any given time.
Also, can we stop and be reasonable here, one missed cycle is not the end of the world, there will always be the next cycle and the next and the next.
Can we honestly live with ourselves if something should happen to our spouses because all we could think about was the fact that we wanted a baby?
I asked hubby, “so what if Mary conceives this cycle? How will she live with herself? Can she take care of the baby she wanted so bad knowing that her hubby had to die for that baby?” What if Mary doesn’t conceive this cycle, can she live with that too?
In conclusion, let us learn to be considerate of our spouses’ physical, emotional and mental wellbeing as we reach out for our babies. We need to help our husbands be strong. They suffer as much as we do. They want a baby as much as we do, they give up a lot too. It is not always about us.
It takes two to make and raise a baby, let us not lose our love, marriage our spouses in the quest to be mothers.
Naa Kaay is a Ghanaian writer, who has been blogging for years, but recently started blogging about issues closer to her heart. Her blog mantra is “Holding on to faith, Meditating on the WORD, and reaching for the rainbow after the storm!” (http://www.herecomesrainbow.blogspot.com). She is also reachable on her handle @kaay
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