I saw the ticker that Nicole did for me this morning and I was like yayy! One day to embryo transfer! Over the weekend, I had lots of distractions that pretty much made it hard for me to concentrate on the surrogacy journey. It started with my daughter falling ill and having a high-pitch fever. My husband and I spent Friday night on vigil, watching over her and I managed to drop off to sleep at 4am when she was stable. By the next morning, she was up and running and you would never have believed that she was the same person throwing up and acting so sickly the night before. Saturday, my house was filled with visitors and of course, I had to play the good host. Between serving food, chatting with guests and clearing up when they left; I didn’t even have any time to think. I almost even forgot to take my drugs until my phone rang and I saw it was my mom. I let the phone ring as I quickly dashed to the kitchen to swallow my supplements, before calling her back. How are you preparing? she asked, after the pleasantries. I told her I was fine and replied yes when she asked if I had taken my drugs for the day.
Do you want me to be there? she asked. I laughed before asking her for what mommy? Won’t you go to work?. She replied that she could take the day off if need be, and I told her that there was no need. All she should do for us was to pray for a successful transfer. She agreed, and begged me to come to church with her on Sunday so I can receive Holy Communion. No such luck! I stopped being Catholic a while ago, and even though my daughter goes to a catholic school and I attend Mass and Novenas some times, the Eucharist wasn’t something I was going to play with. I am not in state of grace mum, I can’t remember the last time I went for confession, and you know I am pentecostal now. Mummy hissed before saying pentecostal or not, you are still a baptized Catholic. She then tried to convince me to take communion before Tuesday, even promised to book a special confession with the Parish Priest for me. I was still recovering from the religious battle with my mom when my phone rang and it was Aunty Oby. She wanted me to talk with her Prophetess who wanted to pray for us. Before I could hold myself, I was laughing hard and asking my aunt when she started visiting Prophets. Before she could reply, a woman was on the other end praying in an high-pitched voice. I dropped the call so fast and put my phone on silence.
I called aunty back yesterday evening and I could tell she wasn’t happy with me. In fact, if not for the fact that I was about being a surrogacy carrier for her, I am sure she would have given me a good bashing over the phone. But of course, I am her golden niece right now so she was soft and calm, as she asked why I dropped her call and didn’t answer the subsequent ones on Saturday evening. My aunt is also a Catholic, so forgive my surprise at her affiliation with a prophetess. She explained that the woman was also a Catholic and ran a private catholic ministry under permission from the Archbishop. Fine aunty, but she didn’t have to speak with me on the phone nah. She should have prayed for you, it would have been just as effective. After all, these are your embryos and your babies. My aunt argued that the woman only wanted to help build my faith towards Tuesday you are an important part of this process, and prayers won’t work if you don’t believe. So the religious battle continued until aunty gave up and let me be. I have been reading my bible and praying quite well. In fact, I think I have more faith in the success of this transfer, than my aunt does. She has been so worried, which I understand, but I have been calm about everything, fully trusting God to show His mercies.
My aunt thinks I am not worried because I have nothing to lose either ways. Just today again, she called me and suggested that I do midnight prayers with her tonight, against tomorrow’s transfer. I didn’t think that was a good idea because I hate to lose my sleep and would not want to go to the doctor cranky, but my aunt saw it as another proof that I was not as emotional-involved as she was. My question? Do I have to be worried and fretful before it shows that I am emotionally involved? I called my husband during his lunch break to lament, and he pointed out that my aunt naturally is frightened and worried about the transfer, for several reasons; her hopes of motherhood hangs on the outcome of the transfer. He reminded me that all her freezed embryos are being transferred tomorrow, so it would be ground zero if things go wrong, so she was allowed to be worried. However, I am not allowed to be worried, because in my case, positive emotions are just as important to the implantations as the pineapple core and E2V meds I am on. There is no room for anxiety!
So yes, I would pray well tonight and read my bible. And tomorrow, we would go and get those embryos in my cervix. I pray they stick!
I can’t wait for tomorrow!!
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