Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 8: And the results are in

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This morning, I woke up on the optimistic side of my bed..actually 30 minutes earlier than my alarm was supposed to wake me. So I spent a good deal of time meditating on scripture and praying. After school drop off, I went back home to do a bit of work before heading to the hospital for our 10am appointment. My aunt came in five minutes after I did, and we went up to the laboratory together, after briefly seeing the doctor. My blood was drawn, and while we waited in the lounge for the result, I saw all the beautiful good luck messages from my TFC sisters. I showed them to my aunt and she smiled, calling all of you wonderful people, and prayed that we would get a positive result. Even my husband sent a BBM message wishing us luck, so we waited and I tried to keep my sweaty palms from ruining the white jeans I was on. For some reason, Aunty Oby seemed to be at peace…like I was the tensed one and she had this Que Sera Sera attitude.

Time flew past and we were called into the doctor’s office. These doctors ehn! Their faces betray no emotion!! She turned to me smiling, and said so tell me again, how was the waiting period like? I told her it was bitter sweet, i enjoyed the bed rest in the beginning, but soon got bored, and there were days I was very optimistic and days when I was not. She smiled and asked again if I took all my medications as instructed and I nodded. Then, she turned to my aunt and said this was also a waiting period for you, what was it like? My aunt told her how she was very anxious in the beginning because of what this surrogacy journey meant to her and how she has wanted kids for so long, but that right now, she is just taking things easy and have determined not to rev up her blood pressure, no matter the result. The Doctor said good, because the results are in, and I just wanted to be sure you both can handle what’s coming. She paused and I could feel my heart racing really fast. She looked at the test result again and said the test shows no sign of HcG which can be interpreted as a negative pregnancy result. I instinctively looked at my aunt as my felt my heart sinking to my belly…her eyes were closed, and she had a sad smile. But it’s not conclusive 

the doctor continued we would conduct another test on Monday, just in case there was delayed implantation. My eyes lit up and I looked up to her with new hope…but she said however, there is every possibility that it would still be negative, because ideally implantation should have happened long ago…within the three days bed rest optimally. 

By the time my aunt opened up her eyes, the tears gave way. I was so sad…so sad as I held her while she cried silently. No words, just free flowing tears. The doctor was smiling sadly and telling us how we were going to try again with the remaining embryos, and this time, I would be given more medications from the onset of my period. In case, you see your period before Monday’s appointment, just call me. We would take more precautionary measures this time. She offered my aunt paper towel and encouraged her to remain hopeful. My aunt still hadn’t said a word; she just removed her glasses and wiped her tears. By this time, our phones were ringing crazy from my husband, her husband, my mother and another aunt of mine. Aunty Oby wiped her tears and thanked the doctor for her assistance. I was actually prepared for this, but I still feel so disappointed. But it’s God will and we give Him all the praise. That broke me, and my superwoman exterior gave way as my tears started to flow. It was so emotional and I am blinking back tears even typing this. Now, it was my aunt encouraging me and telling me that God has His ways, and we have to stay thankful no matter what.

She dropped me at home before heading to her place..evidently, she couldn’t go back to the office. At home, I wondered if things would have been different if I had stayed on bed rest from the day of transfer to test day. What if there was indeed delayed implantation and the embryos had not implanted when I completed the three day bed rest? However, I was glad that my aunt handled it better than I expected. Candidly, I always imagined that she was going to need someone to drive her home, and was probably going to cause a scene at the hospital if we didn’t get a BFP. I saw her preparation…I knew what this meant to her, but she handled the disappointment well. I guess that’s what happens when you get used to life throwing you curve balls. The first two hours I spent at home, I almost slipped into depression and I questioned if I was sure I was going to go through another FET for my aunt. Like, if my body didn’t hold them the first time, how sure am I that they would hold the second time around? But the doctor said I was going to be taking more meds the second time around, but I am not sure I want to do this again, really. It’s too emotionally draining and I am not I should be doing this.

I wish my aunt had other relatives that could help, but I am her only niece that is married and has given birth before, so none of my sisters or cousins quality to participate in surrogacy. I was still thinking and brooding when Nicole called me, and she probably didn’t know it at the time…but she helped me get off the self-blame circus. She made me realize that the problem was probably from my aunt’s eggs, considering her advanced age. Sometimes the eggs are good enough for retrieval and fertilization, but implantation is much harder because of the quality. So, it probably wasn’t me and my bed rest, we just probably needed a stronger hold on the eggs. I realized this was probably what the doctor meant when she said they were going to take more serious measures the next time.

I spoke with my aunt twice during the day, and the first time, I could tell she had been crying. I told her, not to worry that things were going to be fine. We would try again and see what happens. The second time I called, she was just leaving church and sounded a bit upbeat. She thanked me again for agreeing to partake in her journey, and that I shouldn’t beat myself up, after all from the onset, we always knew that things could swing both ways. At least, you know you did your best. It’s left to God. I went to the Blessed Sacrament after afternoon mass, and I have laid everything at Our Lord’s feet. We would testify of His Mercies in the end. I asked her if she had told her husband and she said yes, I asked what his reaction was and she said what do you expect? You know men, he just told me to rest and take things easy until he gets back from work. 

So that’s it my sisters. I still have that test on Monday, but I am not even expecting a BFP on Monday; but who knows??

 

Catch up on Ipheoma’s story here:

  1. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 1: The Beginning
  2. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 2: Transfer Tick Tock
  3. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 3: Just Before The Whistle
  4. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 4: D-Day
  5. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 5: On Bed Rest
  6. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 6: Watching the Clock
  7. Ipheoma’s Surrogacy Diary 7: Almost There Now

Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here.

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32 COMMENTS

  1. Being checking and rechecking all day . I’m so so sorry for the bfn…. I don’t have any words but I’m sending hugs ur way xxx

  2. @ipheoma you have done well. Pls try and resist self blame. I like your aunt’s words of wisdom – leave all at God’s feet. We still pray Monday will bring our BFP. Pls don’t make any decisions yet just wait till you feel much better and are less emotional.
    Maybe after this, your aunt may consider the other options of adoption or egg donor. It’s tough but this time of immense pain may be the time to agree on the next approach.
    Sending you and your aunt truckload of hugs. May God comfort you all.

  3. No other option than to lay this at Gods’ feet. Very disappointing. But it shall be well with your Aunt and you. I’m so sorry that this happened. God bless and reward you both. Amen

  4. My darling @ipheoma, i salute you for you bravery and only God can reward your labour of love. I refreshed the page so many times yesterday waiting to hear the news, i was so shattered it was a BFN. But you know what? God is in control, He will never leave nor forsake us and i pray that he comforts you and your aunt in a way nobody can. Hope you are feeling better today? My prayers are with you.

  5. I could handle all the BFNs I have gotten myself but was really looking forward to your BFP. Been stalking this page like crazy, waiting to hear the good news. #sadface. God is still God anyway @ipheoma. He will bless your kind heart. It may not be with a BFP for you, your aunt might become pregnant. You can never tell how he has planned it. Would also be hoping for Monday from here.

  6. @ipheoma words fail me really, I was really hopeful… God knows best really and truly and we just have to trust Him. Glad your aunt is doing well , glad you are no longer beating yourself about it as well. God be with you both. Hugs.

  7. I’m sad, I was expecting BFP. But I believe God knows best and he makes all things beautiful in his time. @ipheoma, no self blame game. Tell your Aunty we are all praying with her, she’s not alone. God got this.

  8. Exactly hun, @oluwakemine God likes to show off. I can’t wait to see what He has planned for us. Thank you so much dear, for the beautiful card you posted too :hugs:
    Thank you darling @chinwe I am so grateful for the love and prayers. I want so hard to return back with good news. God would do it. Thank you darling :hugs:

  9. Even though I didn’t follow this from the beginning it still brought tears to my eys. So sorry @ipheoma, God will definitely work everything out for good. Pls rest in God.huga to your aunt too.

  10. I just couldn’t control the tears,but thank God for the strength he gave you and your aunty to pull through this.It’s not an easy thing at all. I just had a failed cycle myself so I know what you and your aunty ate going through. I know God is still in the business of doing miracle, so you and your aunty’s efforts will not be in vain by HIS grace.

  11. Exactly God is still in the business of miracles. I pray Monday brings the fulfillment of his promises. Kia I was really looking forward to a bfp dance. @ipheoma it is well oh.

  12. @ipheoma, so so sorry about the outcome but it’s not the end darling,this isn’t the end. I pray for a miracle on Monday,if it’s Gods will then on the transfer of the remaining embryos,it will happen. Again,if God permits,. We are all at his mercy. U are a brave woman

  13. My dear sisters, thank you so much for all the wonderful prayers. God is still on His throne, and as you said, It would only end in praise. We shall get our :BFP: dance Insha Allah. God bless you all for me @tessy @fola @mummy @jesusbaby @Chy @sommie :hugs:

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