I’m Pregnant And That Means “No Sex!”

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Till the morning of the day I had my first twins, I had sex and a part of me still believes that what we did made the babies so uncomfortable that they decided to come prematurely.

I know its not true, and that our ‘activity’ couldn’t possibly have dislodged them like that, but my irrational mind is still looking for reasons why they came prematurely, almost 8 years after.  Well, now you know that for me, sex while pregnant is not a taboo…it’s almost a must-have. And no, it’s not me, it’s the hormones oh!😊

However, there are couples for whom pregnancy means no more sex for the next nine months. Take this couple that I had known for most of my life. I met them again recently, after several years of not seeing them, and we were having some grown up talk, after all, Kemi is now a mom and the conversation vied towards sex during pregnancy. One of the ladies present was pregnant and nearing her due date. The older mom advised her to encourage her husband to be intimate with her, so as to ease childbirth. Well, I think that’s a myth, how can what’s between a man’s legs equal the feel of a baby’s head coming out?!

The first time mom just sighed and said her husband had refused to touch her since the fourth month of her pregnancy, when her bump started to show. The man had just started sleeping on the edge of the bed, and would not even touch her.

She had thought it was a one-off situation, but it soon turned a normal occurrence. Whenever she insisted, the man vacated the bedroom. It was later that he confessed that the sight of her bump scared him and he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything for his wife other than a sisterly feeling, and patting the bump once in a while. So, that suggestion was not going to work. If her husband had not touched her when her bump was smaller, was he going to be in any baby dance with her gigantic bump? Not likely.

At that revelation, the older woman said the younger man was doing what her own husband had done to her through out her four pregnancies. She said the first time it had happened, she had cried to her mother-in-law about her husband having a mistress outside, who was now satisfying his sexual urges, as he had refused to make advances to her and always rebuffed her touch, right from the day she had told him she had missed her period and was likely pregnant. Her husband had been happy at the news, but it signalled the end of their sexual life for almost a year, as he waited for six weeks, after childbirth, before he was the one who requested that their new born go sleep with it’s grandma.

That was when she knew he was ready to resume his husbandly duties. The older mom said, she did small shakara, like how baby was too small to be without it’s mom. His response had been a brusque, “Look, I don’t have time for all these. Just take the boy to grandma’s room, he can come back later.”

We had all laughed at the corny way the new dad was demanding sex, after abstaining himself for close to a year. There are men who find it uncomfortable to have sex with their pregnant wives, and if the wife is not tolerant of such abstinence, it can cause issues in the marriage, remember she’s got the raging hormones of pregnancy to deal with as well.

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On the flipside is when the woman is the one rejecting sexual advances for several reasons,  including health and a distinct lack of libido.  When, you say the word sex close to her, you might as well be taking about torture.

And for another set of couples, neither would even think about penetrative sex. For where! They were definitely not playing games with the baby they had been dreaming about for some years and it had only come to reality. There was no way they would jeopardize it with sex, that had not given them a  baby in the first place.

Lillian and her husband were one of such couples. They had done IVF and it had only worked on their second try. Nothing could convince either of them to try sex, they caught their fun some other ways.

They had had a scare the first trimester, when she spotted all through, and both husband and wife spent more time in the clinic than elsewhere. The man became versed in the different shades of blood spots that stained his wife’s underwear. They searched online. They were the first to mention a cerclage to their doctor, who had said he didn’t think, she needed it, but when she was spotting often, he agreed to put in one for her.

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After that procedure, it pretty much put paid to any romp in between the sheets, but they were beyond happy at the sight of their growing baby. And when the spotting stopped, what a relief that was! No more panty watch, no more calls in the middle of the day to tell him she was spotting yet again.

Their sex life resumed properly, after the birth of their baby. They did not wait until six weeks oh. All those months of unsatisfied desires could not wait for six weeks after childbirth.

One interesting story I heard, like a year ago, is of the woman who never had sex while pregnant, but immediately after childbirth, she is literally jumping on her husband, making up for months of denial. When I heard, I shivered at the memory of trying to have sex, when you’re still likely bleeding. Yucky! But that’s how her hormones are leading her. To each her own.

Whether you have sex or not while pregnant, doesn’t really matter. What matters is having a healthy baby, sex can resume later.

 

 

 

Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

Photo credits:

1. http://www.womanofinestimablevalue.com/

2. http://cdn-img.essence.com/

3. http://d236bkdxj385sg.cloudfront.net/

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