I got married a Virgin, why can’t I conceive?!


This is one of the common statements I have heard amongst my friends and TTC community members. A good number of women who married as virgins, but rather than getting knocked up immediately, as expected, are still battling infertility many years later. Most times, this question is asked almost with a sense of entitlement! Like, they did their own part, so why has God shortchanged them? After all, infertility is only for the promiscuous, morally bankrupt ones, right? The ones who have had a truckload of past sexual partners, and have been in and out of one abortion clinic after the next, right? Wrong!

Whilst it is true that having had multiple sexual partners might not be in anybody’€™s best interest, as the risk of infection is increased (and we all know infections do not bode well for one’s reproductive system, especially if not well managed,) it is not an automatic pass for infertility. In fact, for she who is able to protect herself accordingly, her risk of infection is almost as low as her less promiscuous counterpart. And if she is in generally good health, by the time she is ready to start a family, she might be literally as fertile as a rabbit. I remember the “€œaristo girls”€ back then in my Moremi Hall, Unilag days. These girls made no secret of their emm extra curricular activities, were often seen hopping out of exotic cars at odd hours of the morning, and would hoard the Telipoint phone booths for hours on end. They were bona fide bad girls, or should I say “runs girls”. But not only did most of them get married before a lot of us who thought we were (comparatively) good girls, the ones I have run into don’t appear to have had any fertility challenges whatsoever. So, in other words, promiscuity doesn’t necessarily equate to infertility.

What then causes a woman, whose only sexual partner has been her husband (not boyfriend), to be fertility challenged? A plethora of reasons! With one of the most common being hormonal. Hormonal disorders like PCOS really don’t care if you have lived the life of a saint before marriage. PCOS occurs when there is excess insulin (a hormone that controls the change of sugar, starches, and other food into energy for the body to use or store). Its exact cause is unknown, but it has been closely linked to genetics, meaning if close relatives like your mother, sister, or aunt, have PCOS, then the risk of you developing it is often increased. Other hormonal issues, that could affect fertility, include elevated prolactin levels, high FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) levels, low AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) levels, etc., none of which have any relationship with one’s sexual history (or lack of). And when you consider another possible infertility factor, i.e. uterine fibroids, there is the common belief that they occur when the uterus is left unoccupied for a long period, i.e. if you delay childbearing. I personally do not believe this theory, but it is ironic as, if true, it implies that the longer you remain a virgin, the higher your risk of developing fibroids. But, like I said, I don’t believe this to be true.


And even if all is well with the woman’s physical system, and she is certifiably fertile, if her partner’s sperm count and quality are poor, the odds of conception are greatly reduced. So if you got married as a virgin, but your hubby’s swimmers are not in the best condition, this unfortunately leads you to fertility challenged territory.

In a good number of these cases, the root cause has not even been anything physiological. At a recent secondary school reunion, I got into an interesting conversation with an old classmate, whom I’ll call Cynthia. Back in those, she was one of the very very good girls. She would stare blank faced at the rest of us, as we talked about our holiday adventures, the parties we had attended and the cute boys we had met. None of that interested her at all. This wasn’t anything strange, as there were a number of girls who weren’€™t interested in the usual teenage shenanigans. What was strange was that even in University, she didn’t date AT ALL. She told me how she was more focused on getting a 1st class degree than wasting her time with guys. Anyways, right after graduation, she met a nice man, and they married very shortly after. Imagine her shock when the first year, and then the second, and then the third, went by, without even the hint of a pregnancy. All medical tests had shown both she and her husband were in excellent health. So, what could be the problem? Well, it turns out that she was one of those women who ovulate very early in their cycle. For three years, she had been relying on what the textbooks told her, that she was most fertile in the middle of her cycle, and they timed their sex around this time. Well, the one cycle when they happened to have more sex right after her period ended was the cycle that she got pregnant. Her second child was born almost a year later. Her crime had been not understanding her body well enough.

The morale of the story is not to automatically expect pregnancy to come easy, just because your sexual history isn’€™t checkered. Infertility can afflict anyone. The best approach is to properly understand your body. Most hormomal imbalances have physical telltale manifestations, such as rapid weight gain, hair loss, lactation, etc., so it is always a good idea to be on the lookout for these, even before you get married. It is also important to understand your cycle, especially your precise ovulation window. And knowing your partner’s sperm situation will also prevent you from chasing shadows if, in fact, that is the reason behind your infertility.

Good luck, and baby dust to all!

Signature 7


Photo Credits

  1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com
  2. http://www.ebony.com


  1. I hear you! I know I asked those questions in the early days of my marraige, I don’t anymore for I know it will give God glory when my kids arrive…so Psalm 131 is my mantra.

    Please Nicole, if it’s ok I will like to ask you a few questions about IVF, I just finished an unsuccessful cycle, heartbroken but hopeful I want to ask you a few questions but I noticed there’s no contact me page on the site.


  2. Hi Linny, if this irregular menstruation is normal or has been happening for a long time, then you should let a doctor check you out, to ensure it is not a sign of some other problem, which it is often.

  3. I’m really confused. Ave been trying to conceive for 9months now.i married as a virgin.i did hydrosalpingogram still no child.my husband sperm is ok.now d doctor say I will ave to do hydrotubation.ave been crying all day.Why me GOD

    • My dear Ayo. I’m so sorry to read this. But honey, as bad as it may sound, it’s not the end of the world. If the hydrotubation will take care of the toxic fluid in the tubes, then it’s for the best. If you need to talk, just holler hun :hugs:

  4. Ayo, please stop crying. Just pray that whatever measures the doctor decides to take will work with God’s approval. And remember, God knows, you can handle this like a warrior, that’s why you have to face it. Best wishes and hugs Ayo.?

  5. Nice post but i av been thinking how possible is it to get pregnant immediately after period is over that’s kind of weird. can ovulation take place immediately after period?

    • Hi Ayo, how do you know you’re ovulating? With that kind of irregularity, you need to see a doctor ASAP, so as to find the cause and treat it. Baby dust to you.

    • Ayo, irregular periods could be an indicator of a hormonal imbalance. Do you use OPKs? Is that how you know you’re ovulating? If you’re relying on such signs as cervical mucuos or cramping, these could occur in the absence of any ovulation. You might need a blood test to investigate things further.

  6. Thanks for this wonderful write up. I married my wife as a virgin and we are both above thirty. Its been months now and she hasn’t conceive yet. What can i use to know the exact time she’s ovulating and what might be the cause of the delay? I need ur response via my mail.. Thanks.. m

    • Hi Biodun, your wife is likely to ovulate 14 days from the first day of her period. The reason for the delay could be anything or nothing. The surest way to determine if something is wrong is to carry out tests. Also, since you are both above 30, you can see a doctor after six months of trying naturally. Baby dust to you.

  7. Thanks for this write up,I got married as a virgin three months ago and not yet conceived,my period is very regular with 27 days cycle ever since I started menstruating,my question is what can be the cause of not conceiving and how do I need to try naturally before seeing a doctor or using any fertility drugs

  8. Hi dear,I am a 35year old virgin,never had sex before, I have been diagnosed of having multiple uterine fibroid, what do I do?

    • What sizes are the fibroids and where are they located JD? If you are not actively trying to conceive, you may want to try PAX Herbal, which has been known to help shrink fibroids.

  9. Pls I need your advise….. It’s okay to get married to a Virgin at the age of thirty two(32)….I am really confused here… Pls me via my email address

  10. Nice information. I have learnt that there are many factors that should be considered when handling fertility issues. I got married recently and was hoping to get pregnant immediately, after 5months of trying, we visited a fertility doctor who noticed that I wasn’t ovulating properly. I was given fertility drugs and I conceived with the help of God. Infertility is just a complex issue that needs Gods intervention and medical experts.

  11. Hi Nicole. I got married a virgin. I use to visit my husband once in a while. On my last visit, we had sex during my fertility period, during dis period, have noticed drop of blood. I took some drugs and it stopped, d next month it repeated again And dis time, I notice that some of d blood in bulk. Could it be fibroid? Am 25. Am so worried.

    • Hello Juliet, what drugs did you take and was it prescribed? From your comment, there is no symptom of fibroid apart from the spotting you mentioned. You should consider seeing your doctor, do some investigations to find out the reason for the mid cycle bleeding? By the way, how have you been calculating your fertile window?

  12. I took chazmax fluconazole, Avrogyl, celevox, Doxycyolline as proscribe by the doctor. He sad that its infection, but with what I read online, I doubt. and for my fertility calculation, I count 14days after my period. And I also use the mydays calculator to count as I have 28 days cycle.


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