I Deserve Some Accolades!
Yes, momma! You sure do!
Don’t you just love social media though! A couple of weeks ago, I happened on this post by Nigerian comedian, Charles Okocha, shouting all about ‘deserving some accolades’. At first, all it got from me was a few laughs, and me wondering what the guy was smoking and/or hoping to achieve with his nonsensical post. Fast forward a few days later, and it was on everyone’s lips. Everyone was chiming all about ‘deserving some accolades’. And the more I heard it, the more I saw it on some post or the other, the more I was like ‘hell yeah!’
And in this Infertility Awareness Week, who better to give these accolades to than my dear TTC women…the 1 in 8 who are struggling with infertility.
Let’s face it, if you haven’t yourself walked down that TTC journey, you really don’t know what this woman has to go through every single day of her life, while she awaits those much desired double pink lines. Having been down that road myself, I can say that there is hardly anything more soul crushing than waking up to an unwanted red-visitor, most times when you are almost 100% certain that you and your significant other have hit the jackpot that cycle. Call it a cruel trick of nature, but why our bodies can expertly mimic pregnancy symptoms, only to turn around and flash you the red card, just beats my mind. And then after facing this kind of crushing and agonizing disappointment month after month after month, she still has to pick herself right back up each time, put on that happy face and go about her normal life, because life won’t wait just because you got your period. She’s got to face the world with a smile on her face, even though she’s dying inside.
Lady, you deserve some accolades!
And as if that isn’t enough, she has to learn how to grow skin as tough as leather, to face the larger society. We’ve talked too much about in-law, colleague, and downright tactless people drama, so I won’t go into that too much today. But, you get my drift. She has to face people who, either by malice or ignorance, try to bring her down emotionally and psychologically, but yet, find a way to dust it off and keep it moving. Yes, that statement from her Mother-in-law might hurt, but standing there and crying ain’t gonna get her that BFP. So she has no choice but to pick things up and get on with her life. She also to put up a brave face when she encounters those who don’t mean her any harm…intentionally. She has to smile through countless pregnancy announcements, attend baby showers, and even carry that colleague’s baby on occasion. And the smile has to be genuine and convincing enough, lest people say she’s not happy for the pregnant friend or new mother.
And you say this lady doesn’t deserve some accolades?!
What about those who have made the decision to opt for fertility treatment? In these times we now live in, 7 out of 10 times, women contribute at least 50% to the cost of combined fertility treatment for herself and her partner. Okay, take a minute for that to sink in, especially bearing in mind how expensive fertility treatment can be. This woman often times has to forfeit the finer things of life, making sacrifices her non-TTC counterparts might never have to, and you want to tell me she doesn’t deserve an accolade?
Sweetness, you deserve some accolades!
Now, let’s pause for a moment in honour of the women who decide to go down the IVF route. It baffles me when I hear people say IVF is ‘the easy way out’. Easy?! There is absolutely nothing easy about IVF. Is it the cost that is easy (a cycle costs an average of N1.5 million a pop), or is it the process? Ha, the process oh! Do you know what it feels like to inject yourself every blessed day? In case you’re finding it hard to see the picture, let me try my best to paint what a typical shot-giving session is like for the IVF lady. So, you have all these tiny, miniature bottles of medication, and every night, you need to pop one open, syphon it out with a syringe (needle and all), after which you proceed to inject yourself…in the stomach or upper thigh. Are you squirming yet?
I hate injections. I hated them then…and I hate them now…but regardless, I had to wear my big girl pants and do it. I’d signed up for the thing, and if it meant injecting myself, then hey, who was I to complain. And so, every night, after going through the process of getting the liquid into the syringe, I would grab my stomach flesh (thank God I even had plenty), grit my teeth and slide the needle right in. And I did this for 5+ weeks. In fact, let’s just say 6 weeks. And you think I don’t deserve some accolades?! You can bet your last dollar I do…as do other women on the IVF train.
Ladies, we deserve some accolades!
We all know that IVF only has about a 25% success rate, meaning that 1 in 4 couples who have gone through the process will fail…after all that money…after all that stress…after all that time. But right after taking the time to heal one’s mind, body and soul, these women jump right back into the saddle and try again, still finding it in them to hope against all hope that success will still be theirs one day.
And you think she doesn’t deserve some accolades?!
For the women who have been on this journey as one year rolls into two, and then three, and then five, and then ten, and then twenty…but who have not lost hope of this happening for them…not even for a single minute; for the women who have remained strong through it all…despite it all; for the woman who believe that hope deferred is not hope denied…you deserve a truckload of accolades…for still believing, for still trusting, despite everything.
Girlfriend, you deserve some accolades!
And an honourary mention goes out to the women who have been able to conquer the TTC dragon. For those who finally see those gorgeous double lines. For the women who have grown little human beings inside of them…sometimes even two, sometimes even three, sometimes even more…at the same time. For the women who have watched their bodies transform (sometimes irreparably), and sometimes even suffered medical complications as a result of their pregnancies. For the women who have either had to push out whole human beings from a small slit in their vajayjay…or have had to be sliced right open. For the women who might not have physically carried pregnancies, but have opened their homes and lives to children born not of their bodies…but of their hearts. For the women who had had to kiss sleep a permanent goodbye, and have dedicated their lives to raising and nurturing their children…
You all deserve some accolades! We all deserve some accolades!
The road we travel is tough, tough, tough! And sometimes, it takes a viral catch phrase like this one to make us step back and give ourselves a pat on the back.
So, say it right after me…
I deserve some accolades!