Not an easy choice to make whilst in the TTC wilderness. Not when month after month, your heart gets broken. Not when everything, and anything, reminds you of your yearning for a baby. Not when the world expects you to act a certain way. But you know what?! Go for it…choose it anyway!
I wish I had done this when I was actively TTC. So many times, I actually chose to be unhappy. I did this every time I allowed myself forget about everything I had going on in my life, choosing instead to focus on the one thing I didn’t have. I did this every time I picked a fight with my DH, for no other reason than my anxiety. I did this every time I allowed myself build my hopes for every cycle, without making any emotional provision for the possibility of failure. I did this every time I opted out of fun outings and occasions just to sit at home and sulk. I did this every time I chose to interpret comments from friends and acquaintances, as being mean and malicious, when they probably didn’t mean any harm. And for those that were indeed not well meaning, I did this every time I chose to fixate on whatever they had said or done, instead of doing the wise thing and ignoring them. They say hindsight is 50/50, and looking back, I wish I had done things differently. Because now that I do have my beautiful girls, I regret sacrificing those 2+ years of my life to self pity and melancholy.
Here are just a few reasons why you should choose to be happy:
1) Girl, you are ALIVE
Yes, yes…you’ve heard this over and over again, but it’s a fact that so many people would have given anything to still be alive today. But there you are, alive and probably in the best of health, save for a few reproductive issues. The woman who has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness would probably give anything to be in your shoes. So, yeah…you do need to be happy…and grateful.
2) You have LOVE
If you are TTC, that means you probably have a partner. Yes, your sexual romps might not have hit the bull’s eye yet, but hey…at least you’re having sex. You have someone to cuddle up with at night…someone to talk to…someone to love. You might want to take it for granted, but there are millions of people the world over, who would give anything to have someone wrap a loving arm around them, even if only for just 5 minutes. In the midst of your TTC anxiety, never take your partner for granted.
3) You have HOPE
Yes, you might have failed cycle after cycle, but you HAVE kept on trying. Yes, your heart has been broken over and over again, but you have kept on hoping. You see a future of yourself with your babies, and the delay in the realisation of that dream is what is causing you much angst. Take a break from the sadness and give thought to those people who can not see a day past tomorrow, those people who have totally given up on life and believe they have nothing to live for. You, on the other hand, do have something to live for. Never take that for granted.
Of course, it is not easy to choose to be happy when surrounded by less than cosher external factors. How do you deal with the kill joys in your life? The people and things that, whether deliberately or inadvertently, bring you down? First of all, you need to recognise them for what they are. Identify, and acknowledge, that these are the things that are most guaranteed to bring down your Positive Mental Attitude (PMA), and then choose to act accordingly. It’s not compulsory to engage in conversation with that woman who always asks the tactless and over personal questions. It’s your prerogative to choose whether, or not, to answer the call of that friend who keeps lamenting about how fertile she is. You can always go hunting for another Church if yours has suddenly turned to a baby factory for everyone but you, with every other person sporting a baby bump and wanting to pray for yours. Anything that attempts to mess with your zen, take a pair of scissors and snip them right out!
Because happy you choose to be, and happy you must remain!
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