A few weeks ago, there was a tweet that went viral. It went something like ‘Anybody having sex this heat period is disgusting!’. I found this very amusing, and I shared it with a few of my friends. But even as we were laughing, we couldn’t help but ponder over the truth in that tweet. Because truly, the weather has been HOT sha! Kilode! I saw another viral joke that implied Lagos is even closer to the sun than the earth! Okay, I apologise to my Geography enthusiasts as, even though it doesn’t make any theoretical sense, you can’t help but understand where the people behind the joke were coming from.
So, can you imagine being mandated to have sex in this heat? Seriously…imagine it. Considering the current state of power supply in the country, not to mention the persistent fuel scarcity, which has made it impossible for a lot of people to fuel their generators. Imagine you and your partner are lying in bed, in the scorching heat…will sex be the first thing on your mind? Oh boy…not me oh! The less the body contact, the better for me, abeg! Yes, a little sweat adds to the excitement of it all. But mbok, not when River Niger is gushing from our respective bodies. That one don pass abeg! And I know a lot of people feel this was too (even though there are some freaks among us, ready to get busy even if the temperature is 50 degrees centigrade!). But for the TTC women amongst us, heat or no heat, when ovulation is knocking on your door, you gotta do what you gotta do. Having a shower beforehand could help cool things down, or investing in rechargeable fans might also not be a bad idea.
Another TTC sex spoiler? When you and your man are not on speaking terms. Whaaat! I have heard enough from so many women to know that this happens to at least 90% of us, during ovulation! Maybe we release some negative hormones that are combustive with testosterone, I don’t know. I do know that some research team somewhere needs to investigate why this happens. Anyway, so you are ovulating, and you have had the mother-of-all fights with Oga. Babe, you have two options; either you continue frowning and watch this cycle pass you by, or you pocket your emotions, seduce your man, and continue frowning when the need has passed. Personally, I would go for the latter option. Men sometimes don’t have the kind of understanding of the ovulation window as we do. We are the ones who know that we have only those precious few days in our cycle when the magic can happen, after which we have to wait another 28(ish) days for another window. So, depending on how much you want it, you might have to consider calling a truce…even if it’s only a temporary one.
But what if your hubby just isn’t interested? Or what if his ‘junior member’ simply refuses to come to the party? The strain of TTC often can manifest in men losing their enthusiasm for sex, resulting in the inability to have an erection. What do you do then? You are smack in your ovulation window, but your man simply can’t get it up. Babes, if this is you, rather than nag him about it (and only end up worsening the situation, as I am yet to hear about any man who gets aroused by nagging), you could either find creative ways to relax him…and of course, excite him. If he still isn’t aroused by all your sexy lingerie and ass shaking, just cuddle with him, and accept that it won’t happen that night. Don’t sulk about it, and don’t taunt him about it either. If you do, be rest assured that you might encounter the very same thing in your next ovulation window.
But what about if you receive some bad news? What if either you or your partner are having a rough time at work, have suffered a redundancy, there has been a car accident or fire incident, or a close member of either of your families is very ill or, worse, has passed away? Should you still bring yourself to have sex? Well, only if having sex will be a form of stress relief for you, and a way to make yourself feel better. If it isn’t, please don’t feel compelled to have sex when your heart is breaking. It’s not by force. Conserve your energy to work out your current situation. Sex can wait. One cycle (or however many it will take) wont kill you. Trust me.
This last spoiler is one I feel rather strongly about. Infidelity. I have a friend who found out her husband was cheating on her. She had gotten a call from a strange woman, and had confirmed what the woman had said after going through her husband’s phone. Upon confronting him, he was extremely apologetic, and promised it would never happen again. But she needed time to think about what had happened, and to decide if it was something she could get over, so she’d moved out of their bedroom for a few weeks, while she processed it, and while they subsequently went through counseling. Alas, she missed quite a few ovulation cycles. When she told me about it, I told her she had done the right thing. Even if your egg is knocking at the door of your vagina, if there has been infidelity, you better tell Madam Egg to go and sit down somewhere.
You can’t just spread your legs for a philandering partner, who might have been exposed to all sorts and manners of STDs! No need to add gonorrhea to one’s issues, abeg! Or even worse, HIV! Nah! Apart from the extensive sexual screening that must follow such a revelation, it is important to work out whether, or not, this marriage is something you both want.
This TTC sex no be small tin oh! But God’s got your back. Over the years, I have found that it is the couple who don’t make such a big deal of it, who still enjoy it, that end up making magic. Stress and tension are the very antithesis of making a baby.
Food for thought!