How Do We All End Up Becoming Our Moms?

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There are some things that I don’t like about my mom, like how she would call I and my sisters upstairs to come pick something close to her; all she needed to do was stretch and voila, it would be in her hands.  It used to make me wonder, and I had said I wasn’t going to be like that or even pick up some of her other mannerisms but the truth is, I do all of those things and more now. I have become like my momma.

I know I have become my mommy. My kids know, because they tell me, that is how their grandma behaves. It did not happen by chance, it was a gradual process, and I know I haven’t unfurled my momma’s tendencies completely.

I realise that, not only do I need her more now, as a mother myself, I have become like her, because she is the perfect example of what being a mother is to me.  Guess, what,  I have scientific backing for that.

Even though I wasn’t bold enough to tell my mother that what she wanted to take was close to her, my own kids have no qualms telling me what I have asked them to bring me is just within arm’s reach…my arm’s reach…and I have no qualms asking them to get it for me all the same.  After all, I’m the mom…not the other way round.

I remember how I used to complain a lot about her waking us up early every day and sometimes, by 6am, breakfast was ready and she expected us to eat and be on our way to school, when all we wanted to do was still be in bed. Guess what, I do worse right now. My kids wake up a lot earlier than I used to. While the younger twins cooperate, the older ones are becoming set in their ways. But I still have my mom to thank for being a morning person.

My mom is a quiet but very stubborn woman. Maybe that’s not the nicest way to describe my mom but my mom likes to have her way A LOT! I guess it comes with the territory.  She doesn’t come brash and demanding, she states her terms and keeps saying it, but without force. If you don’t know her style and you don’t listen, you do so at your own peril. Because, you will be doing whatever it is you want on your own. I find that I have become a lot like her in this regard.

Meanwhile, her job as “raider” of wardrobe is still on-going and I have become an expert at it too and even found a way to get my kids reluctantly on it, so no one cries when I’m playing “Mother Christmas” with their old stuff. My mom used to raid our wardrobes a lot back then, especially as teenagers; whilst we were busy saving some clothes for special occasions, my mom was busy thinking of a person whom she could give it to. It got to a stage we weren’t sure we would come home to meet half of our wardrobe intact and you dared not show any sign of angst when you saw your prized possession it on the back of  someone you knew. Keep smiling was our motto.

Not wanting to enjoy all the fun, I asked my cousin, Modupe, how much of her mom she had become, and it was as though I went to look for trouble. She said, thanks to her mom, my aunt, she is a perfectionist, with a high dose of cleaning OCD. What happens with her is, she oscillates between cleaning every single day and going the extra mile or not wanting to clean, because she doesn’t have the time to do it properly, and then she feels guilty for not keeping her home as clean as her mom did. Talk about mixed feelings.

Like her mom, Modupe finds herself harassing her husband about where he kept his shorts, where he dropped the newspaper and so many other complaints she inherited from her mom. Like me, those things used to irritate her, well…welcome to reality.  I have already told her to give herself a couple of years and she would have more people to irritate her, in her kids and their absolute disregard for order, especially toddlers.

I spoke with Ladun, who is my baby sister’s friend, about her resemblance to her mom and she said, “For as long as I can remember, everyone had always teased me about being like my mother (who I do not resemble physically). I felt criticized and resentful. I wanted to be different from her, to have my own personality, separate from hers, and besides, I did not like the things they were commenting on (for example, my bossiness!).

But today, it doesn’t bother me, in fact, I am grateful to her for having passed onto me numerous characteristics, including her love of books and her interest in writing, her empathy for others; ah, my mom can die on top of someone else’s matter and her incredible stores of energy. (I only wish she had had better housekeeping genes for me to inherit. But I guess, I will find out soon.)” Ladun’s wedding is almost here!

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It turns out, there are years of research to back up the fact that we indeed turn into our mothers as the years go by;

One popular study regarding whether we turn into our mothers was conducted in the UK in 2013 — NOT by a research program or university, but by a gaming site called Dotty Bingo, which noticed that most of the site’s users had been introduced to the hobby of bingo by their mothers. Of the 1,000 women surveyed by the site, half reported feeling like they had turned into their mother.

Of those women, most reported that they “became” their mothers between the ages of 30 and 35, with 27 percent claiming that they completed their transformomtion at age 31. How did the survey define “turning into” one’s mother? Well, it included identifying your mother as the “most inspirational figure” in one’s life (over 50 percent), as well as lifestyle similarities like watching the same TV shows as your mother (24 percent), having the same hobbies (16 percent), saying similar phrases (15 percent) and being attracted to similar kinds of men (nine percent and God save us, if mom is attracted to “losers”).

Meanwhile, the most common event that women cited in the survey as kick-starting their transformation into their mothers was the birth of their first child. I absolutely agree, it just opens your eyes to reality.

Thirty-six percent of women reported acting more like their mothers after they became mothers themselves for the first time — which makes logical sense, especially considering that most first-time parents probably only really have their own parents to model their own behaviour on.

Logical sense or not, we become like our moms, whether we like it or not. Please share the different ways you have become like your mom?

Mommas rock and we love them!

 

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Photo credits:

1. http://aliljoy.com/

2. https://static01.nyt.com/

3. https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/

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