Marriage Support

How To Help Your Marriage Survive A Miscarriage

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     Children are blessings.  We hear this saying all the time, so what does infertility, a miscarriage or the loss of a child mean?  Are these curses?  No, of course not!  Miscarriages are not meant to be punishments.  I don’t believe infertile individuals and couples are cursed; they are definitely not cursed because they have miscarried.  Today, we now know that miscarriages occur due to biological reasons.

    Though, I can understand how feelings of helplessness and hopelessness could lead someone to believe they are cursed because they can’t carry a pregnancy to term.  I can also understand why people are changed by a miscarriage, especially those dealing with infertility.

    Miscarrying after experiencing the illusion of becoming parents is extremely difficult for infertile couples.  When fertility treatments do their job it can seem unfair to end up losing the baby in the end.  Experiencing a miscarriage or miscarriages can cause grief and pain, along with feelings of bitterness and anger.

    Couples, who miscarry, often experience the five stages of grief, which include: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  It is typical for one spouse to experience these stages at higher levels than the other.  Typically this is the wife, but not always.  It is important that couples support one another as they journey through their shared grief.  If you are the stronger spouse during this time, then prepare yourself to catch your spouse when they fall.  You are stronger collectively than individually, so grieve together, not alone.

    Watch for marital conflict or emotional withdrawal.  A miscarriage is an experience that changes individuals and couples.  Be aware of any changes in yourself and your spouse that might create conflict or distance you from one another.  Miscarriage often times can lead individuals to pull away from their spouse.  Don’t allow this to happen to you and if it does take the necessary steps to stop it from affecting your marriage.  To avoid feeling more distant from one another try grieving together or supporting your spouse, who may be experiencing these feelings to a greater degree than you?  Engage in mutual sharing of feelings to help create intimacy and help reduce intensity and reverse the negative effects of these feelings.

    Allow your body to rest for a while after a miscarriage.  Your body needs time to heal from such an event.  It’s okay to wait a while, at least until your period returns, to start fertility treatments or decide what your next step will be.  Husbands can be supportive by thinking of relaxing and restful activities to do with their wives as they heal.  Together, you could give and receive neck or foot rubs, do light yoga, go on a walk, or even take a nap.

    Eat a healthy diet, especially after a miscarriage.  Miscarriage places many demands on the body that require the right nutrition.  Consult your physician as needed concerning your diet, risk of infection, and supporting your uterus and liver.  Husbands can also be supportive of their wives healthy lifestyle choice by eating healthier with their wives.

    Seek assistance from your fertility clinic.  Husbands can be supportive by accompany their wives to the doctor’s appointment when finding out the reason behind the miscarriage and to receive immediate testing.  If you’re worried about your miscarriage affecting your chances of conceiving, then get a professional opinion on the matter.  Your doctor can be a great support, who can inform and educate you on your health concerns.  Remember your fertility doctor is there to help prepare you for your next step, whatever it may be.

    Tap into faith.  Pray when you feel weak, because there is strength in God.  Together, pray for peace and to be strengthened as a couple to handle what you are experiencing.  Practice faith in His healing power, so that you may move forward.  Move forward with your life knowing that God created you with the ability to cope, because he knew what you would face in your lifetime.  YOU possess the ability to get through this painful experience; that is proof of His love.  He equipped you before your miscarriage to cope with the pain and stress it would cause, knowing that coping through this crisis would make you stronger.

    Life after a miscarriage will likely never be the same for couples, especially those already experiencing infertility issues.  This difference in life can be a positive one, if these couples take conscious steps to help this tragedy create intimacy rather than conflict in their marriage.  Remember that you are not cursed and that hope exists.

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