Grieving A Mother And Expecting A Baby – Shayo’s Reality

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I can’t even begin to imagine what Shayo is going through right now. Grieving on one hand the loss of her mother, and on the other hand, happy at the impending birth of her longed for daughter.

Shayo grew up in a family of five, and with two older brothers who doted on her. She was the apple of her family’s eyes. Whilst younger, the boys were fiercely protective of her, even and as she grew into a young beautiful girl, they became even more so.

Anyone who wanted to date her must first of all pass her brothers’ fierce scrutiny. If you couldn’t withstand their scrutiny, then you were not man enough for her, and that served as a major deterrent for many unserious boys and men. At a time, their mother had to call a meeting to tell the boys to calm down, or else they would scare guys away from her. None of her three children listened. No one was going to hurt their sister, and Shayo was so happy to have the protection of her brothers.

And then she fell in love with the most inappropriate person they would have chosen for her. You could say Cupid was watching and smirking at the trio of the siblings, determined to break their hearts with the most unlikely love story.

Shayo fell in love with Ogechukwu. He was just some random guy, who had asked her out and she had said yes to, even before consulting her brothers. Shayo’s brothers were stumped. They wondered if he had jazzed her or something. They questioned her and she simply shrugged that she liked him, and said yes.  When they reminded her of their pact to check out her potential boyfriends beforehand, she stated that she knew they were not going to approve of Ogechukwu, so she didn’t tell them about it at all.  The fact that she liked him was more than enough.

That was how Shayo and Ogechukwu’s love story started and blossomed into marriage. Regardless of the tough time they gave the young man, he stood his ground and fought for their love. And today, their love will soon result in the birth of a love child, their precious daughter.

Unfortunately, it came at a very heavy price. Pregnancy didn’t just happen to them. After several years of marriage and trying, it was more like they happened to pregnancy. And Shayo’s mother was their back bone on their TTC journey.

Getting Shayo pregnant was like a family project; everyone pitched in, sought solutions, made themselves available when needed, but Shayo’s mom was the coordinator.

As a young bride, Shayo had expected that after a few months of trying, she would be pregnant, but it didn’t happen. By the sixth month, Shayo was the one calling her mom to question her about her fertility, how long did she wait to have her oldest brother, and subsequently. “Was it up to six months?” she had asked.

Even though, Shayo’s mom did what any mother would do, try to calm her child, she got the worry bug and months later suggested that they visit the doctor. That was the start of the hospital visits, and it so happened for the next three years.

The doctor’s visit revealed that Shayo wasn’ t ovulating, even though her period was pretty regular. In fact, this was the first of several diagnoses Shayo would have to deal with as the years went by.

By their first wedding anniversary, Shayo, and now her mom, were frantic about this getting pregnant business. She had already tried Clomid for some cycles, but it had not resulted in a pregnancy. Wanting to take her mind off their TTC efforts, Ogechukwu suggested a weekend getaway for their wedding anniversary and she happily went.  Meanwhile, Mama Shayo had promised to dig up more solutions whilst they were away.

A weekend getaway turned to one week, and it was a happy couple that came home that festive period. Mama Shayo had indeed found some interesting solutions, several doctors she wanted them to try, but Ogechukwu put his foot down and insisted they could do all that in the New Year, and so it was.

As the New Year dawned, Shayo and her TTC army had a plan. This was the year she would get pregnant, they declared. They prayed about it, they fasted and somehow got peace over the matter.  They were certain it was going to happen.

As the year went along, Shayo saw a new doctor, who made another diagnosis; she had fibroids and needed surgery.  That was shocking. Yes, she had been bleeding a bit more, but surely, it wasn’t due to fibroids, more so one that was so big as to require surgery.

Not wanting surgery, Shayo’ s mom found some herbs that would supposedly shrink the fibroids. After three months of using the herbs with no noticeable changes, it was back to another doctor’s consulting room, and the verdict was the same.

Meanwhile, Shayo was a mess. Her emotions were all over the place. Her husband and her mom took turns reassuring her, and they soon became the two most important persons on this journey of hers. Some days were good and some days were downright horrible.

In the end, Shayo decided to undergo the surgery to remove the fibroids. Her new doctors reassured that she would conceive once the fibroids were removed, but that didn’t happen either. So, it was a disappointment that it didn’t happen several months after the surgery, and then the doctor prescribed IVF.

Interestingly, they were all ready for the IVF, as they didn’t fight it at all. It was just a matter of picking a start date. They did, and that was when another drama started with Mama Shayo’s health.

She had complained of chest pain. Tests were run and medications were prescribed, but rather her condition deteriorated. But one thing she was very sure of was that she didn’t want Shayo taking a break from her cycle to come and nurse her.

That cycle turned out successful.

She conceived and that great news roused Mama Shayo from her sick bed for some time, but she suffered a relapse and it just grew worse from then on but every time she was with Shayo, she tried her best to be upbeat, even Shayo could see the strain, it was taking her mother to cheer up for her.

When Shayo was 12 weeks pregnant, her mother died in her sleep. And for two days, her family members didn’t tell her, because they were afraid of what the news would do to her, especially in her condition.

She was the one who sensed it from her husband’s demeanour. She asked him and he confirmed it. The sadness that engulfed Shayo was like a heavy cloak. Her eyes were open, but she wasn’t seeing, neither was she crying. The hurt she felt was too deep.

Her friends and sisters-in-law stayed with her, but for all she was concerned, they might as well not have been there. Shayo was in her own cocoon, her own world where her mom lived.

In the 12 weeks she had been pregnant, they had made plans; nursery, baby shopping and more regarding the baby. It was a major shock to her system, not to have her mother around again.

One thing though, she is determined to give the baby her mother’s name, whether it’s a boy or a girl.

Shayo has snapped out of her cocoon but it’s still hard to live life without her mother, her back bone for as long as she had lived. She has found herself many times, speaking to her mom, only to stop, as she realised that her mom is no longer here.

When she knew she was having a baby girl, it calmed her spirit some more, as it served as reassurance that her momma was coming back to her.

Even though she’s yet to get over the loss of her mother, she eagerly looks forward to meeting her precious daughter who will bear her mother’s name.  

Meanwhile, she’s keeping her fingers crossed that baby looks like its grandma.

Ultimately, Shayo would have preferred that her mother was here with during this pregnancy…but this is her reality.

 

 

 

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Photo credits:

  1. http://assets.nydailynews.com

2. https://odysseyonline-img.rbl.ms

3. http://austinfamilycounseling.com/

4. http://archive.thesprout.co.uk/

5. http://photos.demandstudios.com

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