From Miscarriages…to Nothing and Now IVF? A Mom’s Journey

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One would never have thought that someone who was getting pregnant, back to back, like it was going out of fashion, would ever need IVF. Unfortunately sometimes, some things don’t make logical sense, TTC especially. What’s worse is the feeling of helplessness.

While chatting with my friend, Yeni, who is still TTC, close to five years after her wedding with unexplained infertility, certain events in recent times made her feel downcast and she wanted to offload; just a listening ear really, because she soon arrived at a consolation for herself and I got something to share with you.

Since she got married, Yeni had never gotten pregnant, but she has a fertility buddy, Annie. at least that’s one label that fits their relationship. Annie had suffered several miscarriages over the course of the first two years of her marriage.

Annie had been a new bride in Yeni’s church and coincidentally, she and her husband had sat beside Yeni and her husband, the first time they came to church. It had happened consecutively like that and the two women had started talking. What began as a church friendship soon grew to them exchanging phone numbers and they would call each other sometimes during the week, if the other person did not come to church and at other times, they just called for calling’s sake.

It soon became clear they had more in common. They were both foodies, they had similar taste in fashion and they both wanted babies soon. What else could be more unifying? They had plenty to talk about…and they did.

Beyond talking, they cared deeply about each other, and Yeni was one of the first people Annie told when she did not see her period, the third month into her marriage. It was Yeni who prompted her to go for a blood test and to stop relying on the HPTs, it was Yeni she whispered the confirmed report to from the lab. It was Yeni she sent a moving text message to, filled with prayers for her own BFP.

It was this same Yeni who held her hands as she cried, when she lost that pregnancy at 12 weeks.  At that time, Yeni said she had told her to quit the tears and believe that a miscarriage was not going to happen to her again.

That was just a wishful prayer… I only wish it had come to pass, because Annie went on to have four other miscarriages in the space of 2 years. She had no problem with getting pregnant,  she was ovulating just fine, in fact there were times she didn’t know she was pregnant, until she started feeling her usual symptom; a headache on one side of her head. She stopped going for blood tests but it did not mean that her heart was not beating for that bundle of tissue growing inside her.

Annie would take a pregnancy test at home, inform her doctor and just wait…wait for the miscarriage to happen or, miraculously, for the baby to stay in there for the nine-month ride. The waiting was the worst part, I can only imagine. It must have been pure torture to be on constant panty watch, screening and reassessing every symptom, to see whether it was the harbinger of a miscarriage or a new trend in the scheme of things.

Her doctor called in doctors with expertise in miscarriage prevention, mainly because she insisted.  They tried all they could to prevent another loss but it always inevitably ended up in another miscarriage. Sometimes, they had to evacuate the rest of the foetus her womb, which was even more painful.

Yeni said they were times she couldn’t bear to go check on her, because of the blankness that would come into Annie’s eyes at those times. It was almost as though Annie purposely willed herself far away from the pain, which was so present around her.

Whatever be the case, after her last miscarriage, which happened in late 2014, she has not yet gotten pregnant again. Her body just shut down. It was just not conceiving. Annie went from one extreme to the other, from getting pregnant every other month to “radio silence” for almost two years now.

IVF-Injections-

Ironically, the same doctors who had been talking pregnancy loss prevention less than two years ago, were now talking poor egg reserve and IVF. And she’s left wondering, how did her egg reserve nosedive that fast that she now has to be considering IVF?

Now, IVF is something Yeni has thought about, and even thinks she might need in the future, but not something her fertile buddy, Annie, had ever thought about, given her perceived super fertility.

But here she was, with IVF looking like the only solution and the doctor has warned her about delaying too long before making up her mind as time is off the essence.

Her husband isn’t particular about how they get their baby, as long as they get a baby out of the process. However, his one visit to the fertility specialist didn’t reassure him. The doctor had spoken about two to three cycles, and he had just been angered about the whole process…but with it looking like the only way forward, except a miracle happening in the form of Annie getting pregnant and it sticking in there until 40 weeks, then he was in, albeit reluctantly.

As for Yeni, she feels as though she and her husband are not being proactive enough, about this TTC business, hence the need to talk.  On the other hand, she feels her fertility buddy has been handed an even rougher deal than her, considering she’s been TTC for less time than she has.

Conflicted feelings there, but she’s working through it all. As that is the only way, she can stay whole, mentally and physically and also that, her relationship with Annie not suffer.

Sending loads of babydust to her, Annie and other TTC women other there.

 

 

 

 

Join the conversation with any of our TTC and Pregnancy Groups here

Photo credit: 

1. https://www.negativepregnancytest.com/

2. http://flipandbeancreation.com/

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10 COMMENTS

  1. Its frustrating when you start TTC after several miscarriages! You doubt yourself, your doctors and even God. I have cried several times…. I have prayed… Asked questions… Angry 4 days…. Depressed for days…. I read dis story and couldn’t stop crying… There’s this fear that you may not never become a mother. Funny enof, I was placed on clomid cos my Dr said I wasn’t ovulating enof but guess wat? My menses stopped after d 2nd cycle! Now, water don pass garri! Every visit to the hospital is a new story or diagnosis and dear friends, I AM TIRED! DH is exhausted already! I just hope God answers quickly.

    • Sending you hugs, Tigho! I’m so sorry to read this. What exact diagnosis have you gotten? Is PCOS one of them? Is it being treated? GOD is on the throne hun, and HE will surely come to your aid :hug:

    • Tigho @tigho. I know this isn’t easy at all for you and your husband and I say amen to your prayer. If you need to take a break to get your mind off this for now, please take it, also for the sake of your man. It’s not good that the two of you are tired at the same time. Rest, energise yourselves and then you can review all the diagnoses, you have gotten so far.

      Before it gets any worse, God will show up for you. What treatment are you on now? Sending you loads of hugs and baby dust.

  2. I just decided not to go to the hospital any more. I don’t even care about treatments any more. No more diagnoses. I can’t even take a break. My dearies, I just got to my break point & cant take it any more. Is infertility a basis 4 divorce? cos I really want to be alone & not hold down DH’s happiness anymore.

    • Tigho, please the D word shouldn’t even cross your mind. I’m sure your hubby loves you, baby or no baby. Take a break for as long as you need to hun. It is understandable. I also got to that point where I’d just had it! I assure you that after a good break, you’ll have the courage to try again :hugs:

      • Tight @tighocharles, please don’t entertain such thoughts at all. Your husby hasn’t told you you’re holding down his happiness. Fine, that you should be frustrated after all this time but please don’t take a rash decision based on how you’re feeling right now.
        Just give yourself a break hun. *hugs*

  3. And somebody sent this to me yesterday; ‘Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.’

    Thanks guys. I’m better… I’ve got amazing friends.

  4. @Tigho I know that feeling too well ooo. This was me last year after my second loss. I felt like I was a waste to my hubby and really wanted a divorce but hold on to ur faith. Your hubby needs u more esp now. U are an asset to him so lavish your love on him. Make him be the king he is and erase the D word from your mind. God dey

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