NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT!!!!

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The frustration sometimes made me want to pull my hair out, strand by strand! Having to answer all the annoying, and oh-so-intrusive questions with “No! I’m not pregnant!!!!”. In the early days, this would be followed by such supporting sentences as “I know I’ve put on some weight”, or “I have the flu”, or “I just feel tired”, but after a while, I didn’t bother. Why did I have to give any explanation to counter your unfounded suspicion? Towards the end, an eye roll even followed this response.

But try as I might, I just couldn’t run away from that annoying question. Anytime I called in sick at work, my phone would literally ring off the hook all day. I wish my colleagues had shown this much concern before I got married (*side eye*). They would always start the conversation with “Hi Nicole. Sorry oh…I heard you’re ill” and before I could even thank them for their concern, and possibly even proffer some more information about my malaise, I would hear a conspiratory laugh, followed by “Or are you pregnant?” It was cute the first time, mildly irritating the second time, but by the 5th occasion of ill health, it was a WTF situation! Was it too much to believe that I could just be ill? Just because I was now married, was every sneeze equal to a bun in the oven?? And after a year or two, couldn’t people use their brains to know that this was possible a very sensitive topic for me?? And after the first awkward “No, I’m not pregnant” response, couldn’t they use their discretion not to repeat the question on the next occasion??

And woe betide me when I put on weight! It became a foregone conclusion! I walked into the elevator one day, and an acquaintance who worked in the same building squealed “See your cheeks! Na wa oh! I didn’t know you were expecting!”. With a straight face, I answered “I’m not”. That was the longest elevator ride to the 10th floor in the history of man. Another time, when I was having lunch in the canteen, an older colleague sat next to me and said “You’re already looking round. Look at your breasts! I wonder how you’ll look when you’re 9 months! Don’t be one of those ladies who get too fat oh!”. The look of embarrassment on her face, when she found out that I wasn’t pregnant, almost made up for her faux pas…and in fairness to her, she never repeated that mistake again. I also stopped uploading pictures on Facebook or BBM, because somehow, no matter what angle I tilted my face, or how much I sucked in my stomach, I would still get hit with the “Are you pregnant?” or “Is that a bump I see?” questions. I had to take the hint to work towards losing the extra 10 pounds (less than 5kg) that was sending everyone into a tail spin.

You can imagine my shock when, even after losing weight, I WAS STILL BOMBARDED WITH THIS QUESTION!!! It now became “You’ve really lost weight! Are you pregnant?” or “You look pale. Could it be the morning sickness?”. Were these people kidding me??????!!!! I just couldn’t win with them!!!!

The irony of it all is that when I did get pregnant, none of them suspected a thing. There were no changes to my weight for the first few weeks, and my “morning” sickness was actually more of an evening one…so when I was at work, or other public places, I appeared perfectly fine. Not until the emergence of a hint of a bump did people start asking questions. And then, I was happy to respond 🙂

I thought I was too smart and sensitive to ever be caught in this kind of embarrassing situation, until one day, I fell right into it! There was a lady who worked with a Client company, who looked heavily pregnant at the same time I was. We were at a meeting once, and I could have positively SWORN that she too was expecting. After I had resumed from maternity leave, I ran into her at a meeting, and I asked her how her baby was. Her reply was “Baby?”. You would have thought that would be my cue to shut up, but instead I went on “Your baby! The one you had recently. Remember, we were pregnant at the same time!”. She shook her head and told me her youngest child was 5 years old. That was when I realised that her “bump” was still there. Talk about a foot in mouth situation. The meeting concluded awkwardly, and I avoided her for the rest of my time in that company.

So, if you’re not sure…try to keep your mouth shut. It will save everyone from a potentially embarrassing situation.

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41 COMMENTS

  1. LooL. Someone commented on my picture on insta, she wrote “I can sight a bump, congrats”. I stared so hard at the picture looking for the “bump”, yet to find it though, maybe I need glasses.

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  2. LOL @needing glasses. I think my straight faced look each time anyone tries to bring that topic up around me has made everyone realize that they really need to mind their business

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  3. Most times people need to mind thier own fucking business…but i cant blame them, hence the need for Infertility awareness in our various community.

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  4. I am back to this post again, LOL.

    Thursday was my wedding anniversary, i updated my bbm with “An anniversary with a difference”. They didn’t even allow the status message to get cold, i got several questions from people asking “E don enter?”, “what is the difference” “Share the good news oh”. One was like “I hope it is twins”.

    So one cannot celebrate anniversary with a difference again. Na wa

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  5. My dear, urs is evn better. U can imagine greeting my 5yr old girl nd asking of d brother and she don’t c me backing a baby. Like hw re u fine girl Hws ur aburo( brother/sister). Il just answer he’s fine.

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  6. Nicole it’s almost as if you read my thoughts…..lol. I was at the hospital today, met this very annoying nurse, she almost made me change my mind about that hospital the very first day I walked in. Thank God the doctor turned out to be really cool. Today after taking my vitals this same annoying nurse asked me if I was pregnant, I gave her a cold blank stare and asked her why she was asking, she said so that she can take my urine. Madam aproco, who asked you?

    Happy Anniversary Ivuoma!! May this new year in your marriage be just as you have confessed and may your desire be granted.

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    • :haha: :haha: :haha: at Madam Aproco!!! That is the PERFECT word for them! APROCO! Over sabi! Imagine working in a fertility clinic, and not knowing how to be tactful with patients. That blank cold stare was exactly what she needed :good:

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  7. I can remember the number of times my colleagues at work will ask are you pregnant? Is that a bump I see? It got to a point I didn’t want to go to work anymore especially when 4 other ladies were pregnant. Hmmmmmmm it’s not easy.

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  8. Like I said before, we don’t just know when to stop. Imagine asking a child for its aburo. Gosh! That takes the cake and the nurse, someone needs to put her in her right place fast before the sends all their patients away.

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  9. Ohhh… Tot I was alone in this.? I’m even scared of going to church because of these insensitive ladies. A particular one keeps asking every Sunday! Today: u look fat, are u pregs. Next week: your skin is fairer, u don’t want to tell me shey? 2weeks: I saw u sleeping during Sunday school, is it there? Chai, it’s so frustrating! What if I’m still enjoying my honeymoon… Lol

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  10. Hi Tosin, looks like you ain’t the only one. I just wonder. People really have no chill. You mean every week, she keeps coming at you. SMH, no no. She needs to be educated or better still, told to mind her own business. Otherwise, one day, you will not go to church again, because of her oh.

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  11. Lwkmd Chei Nigerians, mine is my place of work people just keep asking and praying unecessary prayers for mi, I can’t even say I’m sick d next tin u hear is e don Enter, or hope say na em too.

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  12. Mine was in church. I had to leave that branch because of eye service and fake love. After a while, I visited and got thousands of “so you are hiding the pregnancy from us en? Some even went as far as pressing my stomach. My pastor’s wife was like ” sister, this wrapper really made the pregnancy round. How far have you gone? ” I had to pick my jaw from d ground and smile away. To even think the people asking these questions have either given birth or closed the birthing chapter in their life. Since then anyone that asked me if I’m pregnant I answer by saying they should care to know only If I tell them to help me carry to term. With that response, they give me killer eyes and walk away.

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    • SO SO annoying, Sarah! You would think women would know better. Haba! Even if they think so sef, can’t they just keep quiet! Na wa! God save us from people who refuse to mind their business!

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  13. A colleague asked a guy if his wife was pregnant…This colleague is unmarried o and does not even have a relationship..I am not mocking her though.I just thought within myself..This babe has her own issues..she is over 30 and she is more concerned about a colleague’s wife.

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  14. Hilarious but still a serious matter. While I understand that some people ask out of love and genuine concern, whereas some are just over sabi/APROCO, what really baffles me is that this curiosity mostly comes from the female folk, especially the ones who have given birth and should probably understand how sensitive and private fertility issues could be! Men hardly bug women with these issues. Whether in Nigeria or abroad, most women are just unnecessarily curious, judgmental and forward. We should seriously work on this amongst ourselves.

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