Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 86: The Bridal Shower

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April 27th, 2013

Nwando has NEPA, abi PHCN, to thank for my attendance at her shower.

The minute we got home from the airport, I had barely been able to take off my shoes, before collapsing in a heap on my beloved bed. Oh how I’d missed that bed! By the time JJ brought the special breakfast of fried yam and eggs he’d made me, I was fast asleep.

But then NEPA had struck…and apparently, our generator had given up the ghost in my absence. The ensuing heat that descended on me was something on a completely different level!!!

Before long, I was clad in only my underwear, but still, the sweat was gushing out of me like a tap. I found myself rolling and tossing on the bed, the discomfort almost suffocating me.

“Take it easy, Faith!” Patrick retorted, seeing me reach for the hand fan, for the umpteenth time. “Ten days in London, and you can no longer stand Naija weather!”

I glared at my husband. I had completely forgotten how annoying he could be.

“You don’t think the fact that I’m PREGNANT might have anything to do with it!!!” I snapped.

He kissed my forehead, and grabbed my hand fan. “If you say so. Don’t worry…I’ll fan you.”

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was almost 3pm. Rather than struggle with sleep that had obviously taken flight, I reckoned I might as well attend Nwando’s bridal shower after all.

So I’d had a shower, gotten dressed, and forced Patrick to drive me to the house in VGC, where the shower was holding. That was his punishment for making fun of my discomfort.

By the time we got to the venue, from the number of cars parked outside, I knew I was criminally late. Patrick decided to while away time at a friend’s house nearby, so I walked into the compound alone. I was ushered to the back garden, which had been beautifully decorated with bridal shower paraphernalia. Oddly, I noticed that the ladies were seated in two groups; there was a group that seemed louder and more active in the activities, and another group with ladies who just sat awkwardly. As the vacant seats were only in the second group, I found myself migrating there.

Nwando saw me, and her face lit up, as she waved. I waved back, and wondered why she’d looked so uncomfortable before. I was soon to find out why.

“So Nwanne’m, I hope you have heard everything we have said!” came a voice from the louder group of women. “You know you have already wasted so much time…”

“Too much time!” chimed in another woman. “In fact ehn, when I heard that Nwando was finally getting married, I screamed ‘AT LAST!!!!’ Even my husband shouted ‘AT LAST!’”

Nwando’s smile was strained and forced, and I knew she was holding back from saying something caustic.

“You have to drop those children fast fast fast fast!” the first woman continued. “Inugo? No time to waste! You are already starting so late!”

“It’s not about how soon, but how well!” said a lady from my group, who was just as aghast as I was over the other insensitive group.

That was when I realized what the segregation was. The louder, and should I say ruder, group were Nwando’s longtime friends, and the other group (which I had inadvertently joined) was made up of her work colleagues, and people who’d met her in only the last few years.

“Who said it’s not about how soon?! You must be a dreamer! You think it’s ideal that she is getting married at an age when none of her friends can be a bridesmaid?! Is it me, Nkeiru, with my first born almost in University, that will start wearing a froufrou dress, to chase her train up and down? All of us her close friends have teenage kids, and none of us is able to do that nonsense!”

“Well!” began the lady in my group, who seemed very ready for them. “My own kids have already graduated from University, and I would have gladly been a bridesmaid, if I’d been asked!”

Rather than see the lady’s point, the women in the other group started laughing.

“Look who is saying ‘it’s not about how early’!!! You are wicked oh! You obviously started early, but yet you are here trying to deceive her.” Nkeiru laughed.

“Guys, guys, guys…please! There’s no need talking about the timing of my marriage! It has happened, it has happened. I didn’t marry early. Okay now, we have heard! Can we just move forward from that, and discuss other things?!” Nwando lamented, before turning to the lady in my group, and mouthing an “I’m so sorry!”

“Okay, no problem. But I have to make my point first!” Nkeiru insisted. “What I was trying to say,” she turned to glare at the woman in my group, “Before I was rudely interrupted, is that you need to have a baby FAST!!! Nne, you are already very late oh! As you are now, by the time your child is 10 years old, you will be almost 50!”

Chimes of ‘Ewo’ and ‘Chai’ rang from the other group, and I found myself exchanging shocked glances with the women in my group. Were those other women for real?! I decided to reclassify the groups after all. While my group had the more civilized women, that other group was definitely made up of her frenemies.

And they only just went on to confirm my thoughts.

“But what were you and Obinna waiting for all these years?!” another woman exclaimed, from the Frenemies group. “You two have been together since before Sam and I met, and we have been married almost 12 years!”

“We broke up for a while…” was Nwando’s frail response.

“Biko, shut up, Nwando! Keep quiet!” Nkeiru exploded. “I blame you! You were there doing ‘my career, my career’, instead of choosing to settle down and get married! Ifugo now, you are starting when your mates have long since forgotten about childbearing, and are preparing for the next phase of life!”

“Okay, I think I’ve had enough of this!” a lady from my group exclaimed. “Nwando, is this a bridal shower or a personal attack?!”

“And what do you mean by that?!” Nkeiru snapped. “Can’t you look around? Does it look like anything but a bridal shower? Don’t you have eyes to see?”

Aha. I deduced that she was the hostess.

The lady in my group smiled. “Yes, you have done a great job in decorating the place…”

“All these decorations you see here cost me over $500!!! And I spent over a hundred thousand naira on the food and refreshments, so don’t tell me nonsense!” Nkeiru shouted, clearly enraged.

“Maaaadaaam!” the lady in my group replied, laughing. “Nobody is asking how much you spent!!! You might have spent a million naira, but you have created an extremely negative atmosphere! Look at the bride, does she look happy?”

Everyone turned to look at Nwando, who looked anything but happy.

“And Nwando darling,” came another voice from my group. “Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about building a great career! You have done very, very well for yourself!”

Nkeiru laughed. “Coming from a woman who has been married for years, I’m sure!”

“Actually, I’m not married,” the woman replied. “And I turned 40 a few weeks ago. But I’m a Senior Vice President in my company, and earn in a month probably five times more than your annual housekeeping allowance!”

I had to shade my eyes at the shade!!! Meehn! In those days, I would have said isho!!!

“Thank you ojare, Vivian!” came another voice from my group. “Nwando, it’s because I love you that I have sat through listening to this rubbish from your so-called friends! What does it matter how long it took for you to get married?! Isn’t this gathering supposed to celebrate you?” then turning to Nkeiru. “Madam hundred thousand naira snacks, do you even know what a bridal shower is? Or had they not been invented when you had your own wedding, considering you got married so many years ago?!”

I had to shade my eyes again. My women were now on fire.

“There have been no games, no nothing!” another woman complained. “Madam Hostess, do you even have a gift for the bride? Or did all your allowance go into your so-called snacks!”

By this time, Nkeiru was red in the face. “I don’t blame you! I don’t blame all of you! Nwando, you see these your friends?! Is it because I didn’t ask any of you contribute a kobo, and chose to host you from the bottom of my heart?”

“Madam, please, you should have taxed us! I would gladly have contributed to be able to eat better quality food!” a member of my group chimed in.

“And what kind of boring cake is that?!” another one pointed at the basic, round, cake on the table. “Are we at a birthday party, or a bridal shower? I would have happily brought a more suitable cake!”

Nkeiru rose to her feet. “Nwando, I’m not having any more of this! The girls and I are going inside. You can join us if you want, or sit out here with these bunch of frustrated spinsters! Your choice!” and with that, she, and the rest of the mean girls, had stormed into the house.

The girls in my group looked at Nwando expectantly, wondering which group she’d choose.

“Does any of you have any games?” she’d asked, with a smile.

And that was when the real bridal shower started. A few ladies were able to pull up some fun games from their phones, and we had such a blast. Once in a while, the women inside would peep through the curtains, especially whenever we exploded into loud laughter. But none of us could care less. After about an hour, Nkeiru’s staff had asked us to leave the compound, and we all reluctantly rose to our feet. Then someone had the idea to move the party outside, to the street, and another person decided to clear every crumb of food, and drop of drink, not to mention the boring cake, from the refreshments table, to our street party. And there, on the hitherto quiet VGC street, we talked, ate, laughed, danced to music from someone’s iPod speakers, presented her with our gifts, and gave her advice.

“Thanks so much for coming!” she said, hugging me, as Patrick drove up to pick me up.

I hugged and kissed her, and promised to see her on Wednesday…her wedding day!

“Did it turn into some kind of street party?” Patrick asked, perplexed as he watched the ladies dancing and gyrating on the street.

“Something like that!” I answered, with a smile.

It was definitely the strangest, but best, bridal shower I’d ever attended.

 

Untitled

 

Photo Credit

  1. http://www.onewed.com

 

Catch up on Faith’s story here:

  1. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 1: BFP
  2. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 2: Lukewarm Response
  3. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 3: The Struggle
  4. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 4: Tricked
  5. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 5: Keeping her man
  6. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 6: Men are so annoying!
  7. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 7: Bleeding
  8. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 8: The 9 Week Mark
  9. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 9: Festive
  10. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 10: The Holiday
  11. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 11: This thing called love
  12. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 12: The Pregnancy Glow
  13. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 13: The Baby & The Bobo
  14. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 14: Wahala
  15. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 15: The Abortion
  16. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 16: A Good Man
  17. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 17: Joy…and Pain
  18. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 18: Hostage
  19. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 19: Ammunition
  20. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 20: Famzing
  21. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 21: Stress Relief
  22. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 22: Diana
  23. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 23: Bestos
  24. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 24: The Miscarriage 
  25. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 25: In God’s Hands
  26. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 26: Crossing the line
  27. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 27: Last Minute Packing
  28. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 28: Ex-Girlfriend
  29. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 29: Not just friends
  30. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 30: Fight for him
  31. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 31: Faded Beauty
  32. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 32: Holiday Glow
  33. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 33: The Proposals 
  34. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 34: Baby Kicks
  35. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 35: Celebration Dinner
  36. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 36: Rainbow Baby
  37. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 37: Lunch with the girls
  38. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 38: Wedding Season
  39. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 39: Mama Patrick
  40. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 40: Misplaced Love
  41. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 41: Okafor’s Law
  42. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 42: Forgiveness
  43. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 43: Get it over with
  44. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 44: Family Meeting
  45. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 45: The Goof
  46. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 46: Worship
  47. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 47: Gender
  48. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 48: The Introduction
  49. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 49: Messy
  50. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 50: Passionate Love
  51. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 51: Instagram Drama
  52. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 52: 21 Weeks
  53. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 53: Oppressed
  54. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 54: Age is just a number
  55. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 55: Legally Together
  56. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 56: Monkey on my back
  57. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 57: Your secret is safe with me
  58. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 58: Spring in my step
  59. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 59: Level don change
  60. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 60: It’s my time
  61. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 61: Drama and Baby Kicks
  62. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 62: Love, Joy, Fear
  63. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 63: Owerri
  64. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 64: Untouchable
  65. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 65: Foot Soldiers
  66. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 66: Dem say, Dem say
  67. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 67: The Side Chick and the Fiancee
  68. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 68: Dim-Witted Brother
  69. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 69: Day from hell
  70. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 70: A Cancelled Wedding & a Kept Woman
  71. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 71: From Bad to Worst
  72. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 72: The Confrontation
  73. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 73: Away we go!
  74. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 74: Birthday Girl
  75. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 75: Caught Red-Handed
  76. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 76: Played by a Master Manipulator
  77. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 77: Showdown
  78. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 78: Sad Tears, Happy Tears
  79. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 79: Not the forever kind of love
  80. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 80: My Sacred Vow to You
  81. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 81: Facebook Likes
  82. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 82: Pregnancy Queue
  83. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 83: Braxton Hicks
  84. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 84: The Verdict
  85. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 85: Home Sweet Home

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3 COMMENTS

  1. All these oversabi people, its no race!! Thank God for determined friends who werent gonna give up in giving Nwando a wonderful bridal shower.

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