March 4th, 2013
After the physical, mental, and emotional drama from the weekend, I decided to play my pregnancy card and called in sick ojare! Abeg! Make I no come die! I was in desperate need of some me-time, so decided to take it!
As soon as Patrick left for work, and I was alone at home, I went down on my knees and prayed. It has been so long since I really really prayed. Yes, I have mumbled a few words here and there, but nothing quite like the intimate sessions I used to have with my Heavenly Father, especially during our TTC days. In the two years before we got our first BFP, and in the dark period following that miscarriage, God had been the only One able to fill the horrible void I had inside me. As I struggled with wondering whether our infertility had been punishment for the terminations I had had before (two with Patrick, and one before him), my relationship with God had been the only thing that had taken away that dark cloud of guilt from me. Those days, I would be praying, singing, and crying…all at the same time. I would sing along to Yolanda Adams, Cece Winans, Shirley Caesar, Fred Hammond, and my heart would soar.
And then, I had gotten pregnant again…had gone past the 9-week danger zone…and it had been nothing but excuses since then. If I wasn’t too tired, I was too ill, or too angry, or too frustrated…there has always been something standing in the way of the pure and perfect communion I used to have with my God.
But I have realized how foolish I have been to think I can walk this journey alone. How I have gotten this far, how I have jumped past all the landmines, how I have overcome all the difficulties during this period, is just a testament of the fact that He is always a merciful God! And as I begin my 20th week, and effectively my half way mark, I am determined not to do this without Him!
Listening to Cece Winans’ Throne Room album pretty much broke me. I wept like a baby, especially with the song Come fill my heart! The lyrics pierced me deep inside.
Come quench this thirst…Lord I am ready…Here I am waiting…Come fill my heart…You are the only…One who can fill me…Here I am waiting…Come fill my heart!
Gosh! It was just the kind of uplifment I needed! And as Patrick left me in the morning, so did he meet me when he got home from work, in our bedroom praising. Okay, I did take breaks to eat, to go to the toilet, and I think I even squeezed in a nap, but I was able to deeply commune with my Lord! And that was more than enough for me!
March 5th, 2013
I woke up this morning, probably more rejuvenated and pumped than I have been in weeks…months even! I actually felt happy getting dressed for work…imagine that!
Getting to work, everyone commented about how I seem to have popped even more, this past weekend. Apparently, my bump has grown even larger still. Interesting! Examining myself in the ladies room, I could see what everyone was seeing, and I couldn’t help but smile. My baby is getting bigger. This human being I am carrying, this human being that has stolen my heart, will, in about another 4 months, no longer be an idea in my mind…but a real life baby in my arms! I still can’t even wrap my head around that.
Walking back to my office, I spotted my ED from a distance, walking in my direction. As she approached me, I remembered the fiasco that had happened with Akunna’s family this past weekend. In the middle of my praise worship yesterday, Phillip had e-mailed me a copy of the agreement that had been sent to Akunna. As expected, we haven’t heard from her, but I guess it’s safe to say that the gloves are off, and there’ll probably be full on war!
As Madam walked towards me, I wondered if she would have gotten wind of the news by now. But when she responded my greeting with a grunt and a glare, I got my answer. The woman has so heard…but I so don’t care! Let her…and their entire family even…do their worst! We’re ready for them!
I smiled as I thought about how Diana had handled those people like a bawwsss! I was quite surprised, but pleasantly so, to see that side of her, as I had only seen the sweet, almost-pushover side before. The woman I saw yesterday had a whole lot of her sister, Vou, in there! I’m going to really enjoy having her as the older sister I never had.
The only downer is that, to make it up to Diana, I had to commit to going along with my family for their introduction in Abuja, this weekend. Considering my weekend goof, I can’t even open my mouth to say I’m not going. Not going where?! Ah, I had to respect myself and jejely tell Phillip to book my ticket.
If he doesn’t pay, who will?!
So, it’s off to Abuja for me this weekend…but not before that all important 20-week scan, on Thursday!
Just 2 more sleeps to go!