Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 46: Worship!

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March 4th, 2013

After the physical, mental, and emotional drama from the weekend, I decided to play my pregnancy card and called in sick ojare! Abeg! Make I no come die! I was in desperate need of some me-time, so decided to take it!

As soon as Patrick left for work, and I was alone at home, I went down on my knees and prayed. It has been so long since I really really prayed. Yes, I have mumbled a few words here and there, but nothing quite like the intimate sessions I used to have with my Heavenly Father, especially during our TTC days. In the two years before we got our first BFP, and in the dark period following that miscarriage, God had been the only One able to fill the horrible void I had inside me. As I struggled with wondering whether our infertility had been punishment for the terminations I had had before (two with Patrick, and one before him), my relationship with God had been the only thing that had taken away that dark cloud of guilt from me. Those days, I would be praying, singing, and crying…all at the same time. I would sing along to Yolanda Adams, Cece Winans, Shirley Caesar, Fred Hammond, and my heart would soar.

And then, I had gotten pregnant again…had gone past the 9-week danger zone…and it had been nothing but excuses since then. If I wasn’t too tired, I was too ill, or too angry, or too frustrated…there has always been something standing in the way of the pure and perfect communion I used to have with my God.

But I have realized how foolish I have been to think I can walk this journey alone. How I have gotten this far, how I have jumped past all the landmines, how I have overcome all the difficulties during this period, is just a testament of the fact that He is always a merciful God! And as I begin my 20th week, and effectively my half way mark, I am determined not to do this without Him!

Listening to Cece Winans’ Throne Room album pretty much broke me. I wept like a baby, especially with the song Come fill my heart! The lyrics pierced me deep inside.

Come quench this thirst…Lord I am ready…Here I am waiting…Come fill my heart…You are the only…One who can fill me…Here I am waiting…Come fill my heart!

Gosh! It was just the kind of uplifment I needed! And as Patrick left me in the morning, so did he meet me when he got home from work, in our bedroom praising. Okay, I did take breaks to eat, to go to the toilet, and I think I even squeezed in a nap, but I was able to deeply commune with my Lord! And that was more than enough for me!

 

March 5th, 2013

I woke up this morning, probably more rejuvenated and pumped than I have been in weeks…months even! I actually felt happy getting dressed for work…imagine that!

Getting to work, everyone commented about how I seem to have popped even more, this past weekend. Apparently, my bump has grown even larger still. Interesting! Examining myself in the ladies room, I could see what everyone was seeing, and I couldn’t help but smile. My baby is getting bigger. This human being I am carrying, this human being that has stolen my heart, will, in about another 4 months, no longer be an idea in my mind…but a real life baby in my arms! I still can’t even wrap my head around that.

Walking back to my office, I spotted my ED from a distance, walking in my direction. As she approached me, I remembered the fiasco that had happened with Akunna’s family this past weekend. In the middle of my praise worship yesterday, Phillip had e-mailed me a copy of the agreement that had been sent to Akunna. As expected, we haven’t heard from her, but I guess it’s safe to say that the gloves are off, and there’ll probably be full on war!

As Madam walked towards me, I wondered if she would have gotten wind of the news by now. But when she responded my greeting with a grunt and a glare, I got my answer. The woman has so heard…but I so don’t care! Let her…and their entire family even…do their worst! We’re ready for them!

I smiled as I thought about how Diana had handled those people like a bawwsss! I was quite surprised, but pleasantly so, to see that side of her, as I had only seen the sweet, almost-pushover side before. The woman I saw yesterday had a whole lot of her sister, Vou, in there! I’m going to really enjoy having her as the older sister I never had.

The only downer is that, to make it up to Diana, I had to commit to going along with my family for their introduction in Abuja, this weekend. Considering my weekend goof, I can’t even open my mouth to say I’m not going. Not going where?! Ah, I had to respect myself and jejely tell Phillip to book my ticket.

If he doesn’t pay, who will?!

So, it’s off to Abuja for me this weekend…but not before that all important 20-week scan, on Thursday!

Just 2 more sleeps to go!

 


 

Catch up on Faith’s story here:

  1. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 1: BFP
  2. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 2: Lukewarm Response
  3. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 3: The Struggle
  4. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 4: Tricked
  5. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 5: Keeping her man
  6. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 6: Men are so annoying!
  7. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 7: Bleeding
  8. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 8: The 9 Week Mark
  9. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 9: Festive
  10. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 10: The Holiday
  11. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 11: This thing called love
  12. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 12: The Pregnancy Glow
  13. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 13: The Baby & The Bobo
  14. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 14: Wahala
  15. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 15: The Abortion
  16. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 16: A Good Man
  17. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 17: Joy…and Pain
  18. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 18: Hostage
  19. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 19: Ammunition
  20. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 20: Famzing
  21. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 21: Stress Relief
  22. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 22: Diana
  23. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 23: Bestos
  24. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 24: The Miscarriage 
  25. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 25: In God’s Hands
  26. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 26: Crossing the line
  27. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 27: Last Minute Packing
  28. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 28: Ex-Girlfriend
  29. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 29: Not just friends
  30. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 30: Fight for him
  31. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 31: Faded Beauty
  32. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 32: Holiday Glow
  33. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 33: The Proposals 
  34. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 34: Baby Kicks
  35. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 35: Celebration Dinner
  36. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 36: Rainbow Baby
  37. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 37: Lunch with the girls
  38. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 38: Wedding Season
  39. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 39: Mama Patrick
  40. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 40: Misplaced Love
  41. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 41: Okafor’s Law
  42. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 42: Forgiveness
  43. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 43: Get it over with
  44. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 44: Family Meeting
  45. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 45: The Goof

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