Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 116: Judgemental

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June 20th, 2013

Happy 35 weeks to me! Yay!!!

Maybe it is knowing that I am just a little over a month away from meeting my baby girl (yes, I said it), but I woke up bursting with energy and excitement. I even managed to make myself a hearty meal of fried yam and spicy egg stew (even though the latter was a mistake, as I had heartburn of life afterwards). After thoroughly enjoying my meal, as usual, I watched TV and lounged all day, until about 4pm, when I started getting ready for Toun’s brother’s wake keeping.

Yes oh!

Patrick had been dumbfounded when I announced my intention to accompany him for the wake keeping. From the look on his face, I could tell he was shocked I was offering, considering my condition, but wisdom prevailed and prevented him from voicing any such concerns. Instead, he had shrugged and agreed to it.

Even though we have decided to leave for Anthony Village at about 5.30pm, I started prepping myself over an hour early. The way I was applying makeup, one would have thought it was a wedding I was preparing for. But to me, it was all the same oh! I was determined to let Toun know that she wasn’t going to get her claws on my man so easily.

woman-applying-make-up

When Patrick got home to change, I saw the perplexed look on his face when he saw me in my bedazzled Ankara boubou, and fully made up face. Again, he chose the path of wisdom, and said nothing. In less than 20 minutes, he had changed into the black T-shirt the friends of the deceased had made for the ceremony, and we were on our way to the mainland.

As we turned into the street, my heart started racing, and I could feel my nerves rising…the same kind of nerves I had when we met Toun in London. I had to remind myself to relax, even as I braced myself for the showdown with her.

Walking into the modest compound, which was packed with young mourners, all of them clad in dark clothing, I suddenly felt stupid in my own black and yellow Ankara outfit (which was more yellow than black, if I’m to be honest). Nobody seemed to care about who on earth we were. The grief in the place was palpable. And when we saw Toun, rather than gloat over the fact that I had come with Patrick, my heart broke with pity for her. She was a total wreck. Her light skinned face was puffy and beet red, obviously from days of crying. And rather than the angry reaction I was expecting from her, she had embraced me tightly, breaking down in fresh tears. I suddenly found myself consoling her, and wiping away her tears. She clung to me like a leech, completely ignoring her friend, Patrick, and I ended up having to sit with her through the ceremony. Who would have thought abi?

But mid-way through the service, I found myself also struggling with my own tears. All the sad hymns and the eulogies just took me back to the small ceremony Eme’s schoolmates had for her in school, about a week after her death. I had tried so hard to brace myself, warning myself not to break down in front of Eme’s small friends, but alas, the waterworks had started and had been unable to stop. And now, 11 years later, the memory was as fresh as if it was yesterday.

To make matters worse, there were 2 young children, probably about 7 and 5 years old, who I later found out were the late young man’s kids. As if that wasn’t bad enough, there was an inconsolable young lady, who didn’t look a day older than 23, but who was just as pregnant as I am. She too was carrying a child for the deceased. On another day, I would have been so judgmental! The guy wasn’t even up to 30, but he had already fathered 3 kids, out of wedlock and, from the look of things, from 3 different women. From the colouring of the older kids, their mother(s) is/are most likely Caucasian. But all I could think about was how these poor kids would grow up never knowing their father, and that was what brought out my own tears.

In the end, I realized I had been silly for being so paranoid about the whole thing. Toun had obviously only needed moral support for such a difficult occasion. I was glad that I hadn’t prevented Patrick from attending, and even gave him permission to attend the funeral tomorrow, if he wants to.

Thankfully, he declined, citing work commitments.

Yeah yeah…even if I’m no longer paranoid, I don’t have to put my hand inside fire abeg!

Now that that one is over, I can now focus on tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment and antenatal class. I want to ask him if he thinks I’ll be ready to have the baby at 37 weeks. I already know what he’ll say, but it never hurt to ask.

 

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Photo Credit

  1. http://www.publicdomainpictures.net

 

Catch up on Faith’s story here:

  1. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 1: BFP
  2. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 2: Lukewarm Response
  3. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 3: The Struggle
  4. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 4: Tricked
  5. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 5: Keeping her man
  6. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 6: Men are so annoying!
  7. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 7: Bleeding
  8. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 8: The 9 Week Mark
  9. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 9: Festive
  10. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 10: The Holiday
  11. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 11: This thing called love
  12. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 12: The Pregnancy Glow
  13. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 13: The Baby & The Bobo
  14. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 14: Wahala
  15. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 15: The Abortion
  16. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 16: A Good Man
  17. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 17: Joy…and Pain
  18. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 18: Hostage
  19. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 19: Ammunition
  20. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 20: Famzing
  21. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 21: Stress Relief
  22. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 22: Diana
  23. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 23: Bestos
  24. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 24: The Miscarriage 
  25. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 25: In God’s Hands
  26. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 26: Crossing the line
  27. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 27: Last Minute Packing
  28. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 28: Ex-Girlfriend
  29. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 29: Not just friends
  30. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 30: Fight for him
  31. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 31: Faded Beauty
  32. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 32: Holiday Glow
  33. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 33: The Proposals 
  34. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 34: Baby Kicks
  35. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 35: Celebration Dinner
  36. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 36: Rainbow Baby
  37. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 37: Lunch with the girls
  38. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 38: Wedding Season
  39. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 39: Mama Patrick
  40. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 40: Misplaced Love
  41. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 41: Okafor’s Law
  42. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 42: Forgiveness
  43. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 43: Get it over with
  44. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 44: Family Meeting
  45. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 45: The Goof
  46. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 46: Worship
  47. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 47: Gender
  48. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 48: The Introduction
  49. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 49: Messy
  50. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 50: Passionate Love
  51. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 51: Instagram Drama
  52. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 52: 21 Weeks
  53. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 53: Oppressed
  54. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 54: Age is just a number
  55. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 55: Legally Together
  56. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 56: Monkey on my back
  57. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 57: Your secret is safe with me
  58. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 58: Spring in my step
  59. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 59: Level don change
  60. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 60: It’s my time
  61. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 61: Drama and Baby Kicks
  62. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 62: Love, Joy, Fear
  63. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 63: Owerri
  64. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 64: Untouchable
  65. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 65: Foot Soldiers
  66. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 66: Dem say, Dem say
  67. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 67: The Side Chick and the Fiancee
  68. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 68: Dim-Witted Brother
  69. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 69: Day from hell
  70. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 70: A Cancelled Wedding & a Kept Woman
  71. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 71: From Bad to Worst
  72. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 72: The Confrontation
  73. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 73: Away we go!
  74. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 74: Birthday Girl
  75. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 75: Caught Red-Handed
  76. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 76: Played by a Master Manipulator
  77. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 77: Showdown
  78. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 78: Sad Tears, Happy Tears
  79. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 79: Not the forever kind of love
  80. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 80: My Sacred Vow to You
  81. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 81: Facebook Likes
  82. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 82: Pregnancy Queue
  83. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 83: Braxton Hicks
  84. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 84: The Verdict
  85. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 85: Home Sweet Home
  86. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 86: The Bridal Shower
  87. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 87: The Scare
  88. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 88: Nwando’s Wedding
  89. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 89: Time to face the music
  90. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 90: The Witch Hunt
  91. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 91: Bump Envy
  92. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 92: This Evil Family
  93. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 93: Thankful
  94. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 94: People Watching
  95. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 95: New Beginnings
  96. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 96: Dispassionately
  97. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 97: Old Woman
  98. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 98: The Premonition
  99. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 99: The Girl is Fine
  100. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 100: Three weeks from now
  101. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 101: Diana & Akunna
  102. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 102: Of Daughters & Honeymoons
  103. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 103: Practice Run
  104. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 104: Cold Revenge
  105. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 105: Absolutely Nothing
  106. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 106: Selfish
  107. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 107: Back and Forth
  108. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 108: Chief Mourner
  109. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 109: He will never be mine
  110. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 110: The Showers
  111. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 111: Baby Mama 
  112. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 112: Counting Down
  113. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 113: Soul Searching
  114. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 114: My Baby Girl
  115. Faith’s Pregnancy Diary 115: Deep Sense of Knowing

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