Now, I can tell this story and even smile when I recall it, but when we were literally in the trenches, it was not a nice feeling at all. I felt like I needed to pray extra hard alongside this former TTC mom, Mary, so she would get a BFP and then that she actually carried the baby to term.
Otherwise, I don’t know what would have happened. I don’t know how I would have been able to console her that is if I ever had the words to do so.
Mary and I became friends only recently, and it was over TTC and twin matters. She was just in her second year of marriage then, but she had already lost two pregnancies, one of which was a twin pregnancy.
Merely talking about it, I could see that she was yet to get over it. But one thing that became obvious as we talked more everyday was, she was not a patient person and this TTC was making her wait. Something she was not used to.
When she had miscarried her first pregnancy at 9 weeks, she said she had started trying immediately she was given the all-clear by her doctor, whom she had arm twisted into inducing her menstruation.
By the time, she finished telling me how she harassed the doctor, the nurses and even threatened to move to another clinic, if they were not going to do anything for her but tell her to wait until aunt flo decided to come of her own free will, I had concluded that she was not the type of TTC mom who waited for the clinic’s appointment day, or waited for the clinic to call her to come in. She was probably burning up their phone lines with her calls already.
When the second miscarriage happened, she had asked the doctor to go ahead and investigate what could be causing the repeated miscarriages. Her doctor had wanted to conduct some tests, but not as extensive as she had wanted. When she started mentioning the names of the tests, I was surprised. There was no way you could pull wool over Mary’s eyes. She knew her onions in terms of fertility, and wouldn’t settle for less. The only thing was, whatever she wanted, she wanted now!
As it turned out, she need not have bothered with the extensive investigations as they all came back normal. There were no determinable reasons she was miscarrying. Lack of two things set her on the path to IVF; answers and patience.
Mary’s doctor had wanted to do the long protocol but upon hearing “long”, Mary had been almost apoplectic in her refusal to anything that would take too much time. She basically dictated the terms of how long she wanted to be down regulated for. After some back and forth, they agreed to 12 days of down regulation, after which the trigger shot would be administered and the eggs collected. For once, she was not in any hurry. She wanted to transfer blastocysts, so she waited for five whole days.
And the two week wait for her was indeed crazy. It was filled with numerous HPTs per day. I’m fairly certain she must have bought a carton of the tests, because at a stage, I often just asked, “Hope you got a positive?” because there was no dissuading her from the tests. She even took a picture of the tests with her phone and sent to me to ask, if I saw two lines in some of the tests.
That’s aside the symptom spotting gala she was having. At a stage, I felt I was pregnant too, because whenever the mentioned a symptom came up, I sometimes felt it. What I did not succumb to was doing a HPT myself.
Mary wanted to know the top symptom for every DPO and relate that with the one she was experiencing. She wanted to know what she should be doing every day. Dr. Google was very helpful in that regard. All these were alongside her calling her clinic at the slightest opportunity.
When she tested on the scheduled date and got a positive, I shouted for joy when I read her message early that morning, and woke my husband up and then I had to go into a lengthy story the man, did not want to hear. I was so relieved that the cycle was successful.
From that point onward, she treated herself like an egg. She was on self imprisonment. Even her calls sef, she would not answer, messages went unreplied, even though it showed they were read. I just let her be and she called when she was ready. That was after her first scan, where it was discovered she was carrying twins.
Twins again! But she was still apprehensive and only let go when she got out of the danger zone and then the impatience started again. She was talking about when she would be able to have another cycle, after the twins got here. Talk about jumping the gun. I was quite surprised that she was yet to have the babies she was carrying and she was already talking about having another one. Impatience galore!
Let me mention that this wasn’t a 40 year old or even 30 something year old woman, I’m talking a young lady in her 20’s. Obviously, good things coming to those who wait does not apply to her, because patience is not one of her virtues and, thank God, everything still worked out in her favor.
However, it doesn’t always work out that way. Some people are forced to learn the virtue of patience the hard way, sorry, TTC style. They would pull all the stunts medical science has to offer and still end up with nothing, and when they least expect it or when they have already given up hope, that is when it will happen for them. That’s how God works sometimes.
And if you don’t want to put the blame on God, roll with this quote I saw recently, “When things don’t happen right away just remember, it takes 6 months to build a Rolls-Royce and 13 hours to build a Toyota.”
Obviously, the difference between a Rolls Royce and a Toyota is miles apart, meaning that things that are worth it take time; it could be getting the job of your dreams, having a good relationship, or beating infertility. It takes times!
Let’s learn to be patient while waiting.
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