The dream is to one day carry a pregnancy to term, and finally leave the hospital with a live breathing baby. The dream is to one day cuddle your own child in your arms. That is the dream. You have spent the last couple of months after the loss rehearsing the dream, wishing for a BFP, planning how to dress the bump and planning your rainbow baby’s christening, and then it happens. It is no longer a dream. You peed on a pregnancy test and you had two lines show up. Yes, you are pregnant! The doctor confirmed it with the test you took in his office. Yes, there is a baby growing inside you. Finally!
But you find yourself panicking; you check your panties for signs of bleeding all the time. You spend time on Google researching every twitch in your abdomen. You panic when you don’t throw up in a day. You see, you tell yourself that you are hoping for the best whilst planning for the worst.
Pregnancy after a loss is probably the most traumatizing experience anybody will have to go through. The loss robs you of your innocence concerning pregnancy. It doesn’t matter if the loss occurred at five weeks or full term. However, you have to learn how to cope. Stress is not good for you or the baby in your womb. How then do you cope? I am neither an expert in this field nor am I a medical official but below is how I would cope when I find myself in such a situation.
1. Communicate with your doctor
Never feel like you are bothering your doctor. If your gut tells you something is wrong, call your doctor. Not only will it be reassuring to you, who knows, you may be saving the life of your rainbow and yourself. Trust me; the doctor understands you and your fears. This is not the time to play superwoman.
2. Hold on to your faith
It is hard but you have to hold on to your faith. It is going to be a stressful time for you, but remember that each pregnancy is different. Believe that this baby is here to stay. Don’t give up now. Who knows, you may go ahead to have the most beautiful pregnancy ever and have that dream maternity shoot you wanted. Don’t let fear steal your joy in this journey.
3. Communicate with your spouse
This journey has been hard on your spouse too and trust me, he wants more than anything for both you and the baby to be healthy. Tell him about your fears; celebrate your milestones with him. Make him a part of this journey. He experienced the loss with you; don’t let fear let you shut him out. Don’t lose your love in order to have the baby. You can have both
4. Manage your expectations
It is easy for me to tell you that this will be all sunshine and rainbows, but you are the only one that truly understands the effect the loss had on you. So, I will only say, manage your expectations. For some, you will have to spend this journey on bed rest, for others, you will need more doctor appointments and tests. Whatever it takes, the end will surely justify the means. When you have your baby in your arms, you will forget that you spent six out of the nine months on bed rest. Trust me, it is worth it.
5. Celebrate the milestones
Yes, I said it. In your own small way, celebrate the milestones. Remember, each milestone you reach with the baby still nestled inside you is a milestone closer to coming home with a healthy baby. So be hopeful, celebrate it. Know that, in no time, your arms will be wonderfully full with your rainbow baby.
Baby dust to us all!!!
Naa Kaay is a Ghanaian writer, who has been blogging for years, but recently started blogging about issues closer to her heart. Her blog mantra is “Holding on to faith, Meditating on the WORD, and reaching for the rainbow after the storm!” (http://www.herecomesrainbow.blogspot.com). She is also reachable on her handle @kaay
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